My World Ended July 12, 2012
My Loving Caring Husband
My husband of 37+ years was diagnosed with lymphoma April 29, 2012. It was discovered when he experienced shortness of breath and fluid around his heart was discovered. The source of that fluid was the infection from the lymphoma. He had never been in a hospital or had any health issues prior to this issue. He had to have the fluid drained from around the heart - had that procedure and another surgery in the week he was in the hospital and had 5 different doctors in different fields treating him. He started his chemotherapy right away and after 4 weeks was tested again - the results were not positive, the chemo was not touching the lymphoma which had attached to his brain. He started having seizures - light ones at first but they increased into long, hard seizures and the greatest of these took his life. It was very hard for me to watch this stinking "disease" take my husband's eye sight, his ability to speak, his left arm/hand and the ability to write his name. It was so hard for me to watch him feel that the life this disease was giving him was one of shame and despair. He said to me 'how can I live like this'. I told him I loved him and I would be his eyes, his hands, his speech and I meant it. I would do everything for him if he were still here with me today. But I knew if something happened he wouldn't want to be brought back to continue his life the way he was. Why would he when he had Heaven to gain?? No more of these issues and for that I am very thankful. But I miss him so much and there are days that I don't think I will ever have that happiness I had when he was in my life. My life now is just 'routine' - I go through the motions. I am attending a support group and it is nice to share with others who have lost someone - you know they feel the same way so you have that in common. It's just almost 3 months. He was only 56 years old - so young. My loss is Heaven's gain.