My world ended Nov 25, 2009

My husband passed away from complications of a bone marrow transplant (for Leukemia) on 11/25/09. He had been in ICU for 5 weeks with various pneumonias, bacterial and fungal infections and blood infections.

He was my everything. We met when I was barely 17 and he was 24. We married in 1988 and had our beautiful daughter in 1994.

He was my soulmate, my best friend, my lover, my entire world. I grew up with him, his love formed who I am today. Now he's gone and I don't know who I am. I don't want to know. I just want to be with him again. He was the most loving, kind husband and father, all he wanted was for my daughter and I to be happy.

He had testicular cancer in 2005 and was "cured" after surgery and 6 mos of chemo. The chemo, the "cure", caused him to get leukemia in 2008. He had the bone marrow tranplant in April 2009. Afterwards, nothing but complications, and was in the hospital almost always from April to November. He suffered more than anyone should ever have to.

The day he passed, I had to make the decision to turn down the ventilator. He was in a drug-induced coma. We held his hand, it took 5 hours until his last breath. That day, he went to heaven and I went to hell. And that's where I still am today, 3 months later.

I cannot live without him, I don't know how to do this. I love and miss him more than I ever thought possible, we need him so bad. I don't know how to wait to see him again. I want to be with him now. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. And I don't know why this happened to us. Why he was "cured", but the cure killed him later. I hate this life. It's torture to wake up every morning without him by my side.

Dear Husband: I love you more than words could ever say. Thank you for all of your love. If I could just hold you again, feel your arms around me, kiss your beautiful lips, see you with our daughter. You made me feel loved, safe and secure. I will never feel that again. Every day I can get through will be one day closer to being with you. I love you, baby. Forever.

Comments for My world ended Nov 25, 2009

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Apr 24, 2010
You are not alone
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband just three days after your lost your husband and I understand how you are feeling.

I would give anything for one more minute with him, to say again how important and precious he was to me, to tell him how I miss him every day and have so much to tell him about things that have happened. Before he was taken away for the last time I tried to tell him about how he had enriched my life, about the decisions I'd been forced to make in ICU and how I was going to go on and be brave. I know he could no longer hear with his ears but I know he heard with his soul.
Some days I still talk to him and I know his soul is listening.

You will get through this. I will get through this. We will get through this.

Feb 21, 2010
I understand
by: Mariana

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds as if you had a wonderful husband. I hope you know that God cares for you and will bring you through this.

My husband passed away on Nov 22nd, just 3 days before yours. I feel as you do. If I could feel his kiss on my cheek again and hear him say ,"How is my sweetheart doing?" I feel the loss so keenly and so do my grandchildren.

It is at times like this that we need God more then ever to pull us through.

My husband had heart failure and after the heart surgery to put stents; he went downhill fast. He died 2 days after my 65th birthday.

All we can do is have faith and realize that God is always with us. Take care of yourself. I know what you are going through. You and I both need time to heal. Our losses occured at the same time. God bless you.

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