My world ended Nov 25, 2009
My husband passed away from complications of a bone marrow transplant (for Leukemia) on 11/25/09. He had been in ICU for 5 weeks with various pneumonias, bacterial and fungal infections and blood infections.
He was my everything. We met when I was barely 17 and he was 24. We married in 1988 and had our beautiful daughter in 1994.
He was my soulmate, my best friend, my lover, my entire world. I grew up with him, his love formed who I am today. Now he's gone and I don't know who I am. I don't want to know. I just want to be with him again. He was the most loving, kind husband and father, all he wanted was for my daughter and I to be happy.
He had testicular cancer in 2005 and was "cured" after surgery and 6 mos of chemo. The chemo, the "cure", caused him to get leukemia in 2008. He had the bone marrow tranplant in April 2009. Afterwards, nothing but complications, and was in the hospital almost always from April to November. He suffered more than anyone should ever have to.
The day he passed, I had to make the decision to turn down the ventilator. He was in a drug-induced coma. We held his hand, it took 5 hours until his last breath. That day, he went to heaven and I went to hell. And that's where I still am today, 3 months later.
I cannot live without him, I don't know how to do this. I love and miss him more than I ever thought possible, we need him so bad. I don't know how to wait to see him again. I want to be with him now. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. And I don't know why this happened to us. Why he was "cured", but the cure killed him later. I hate this life. It's torture to wake up every morning without him by my side.
Dear Husband: I love you more than words could ever say. Thank you for all of your love. If I could just hold you again, feel your arms around me, kiss your beautiful lips, see you with our daughter. You made me feel loved, safe and secure. I will never feel that again. Every day I can get through will be one day closer to being with you. I love you, baby. Forever.