My World Has Ended.

by John Huner
(Conyers Ga)

My son who I loved more than anything did the unthinkable and took his own life om 03/30/2011. It seems he did not intend or so I hope. I know he was high on meth and was hallucinating when he did so. He was a fine son who always had a kind word for everyone and his daughter will turn 1 on April 23 2011. He was 34 and haunted by many things and drugs were an outlet for the pain he was in.

I will never hear him say I love you Dad anymore nor will he call me at work to check on me.

I hope all parents will tell their sons and daughter every chance they have to tell them they love them.

Comments for My World Has Ended.

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Feb 02, 2014
Big tease, bigger smiles
by: Crystal

Mr. Huner,
My husband and I were talking about old times.
John's name came up. I wanted to look him up and my friend sent me to this site. I'm so sad to know this news. I remember how sweet and funny John was. He would always ask me out even though I had a boy friend (whom I ended up marrying). I think he did it because he knew it embarrassed me a little. It was always in fun. I would ride the bus home to Brandy wine with a friend and that's when he'd give me his worst ;). He really was the sweetest. when I'd see him he always had something nice to say. I lost track of him after school. But, still think of him often. He always smiled big when we ran into each other. I hope your heart heals a best it can and that you feel his spirit now. Blessings and love.

Jan 08, 2014
John Sr
by: Chrissy Orton

Dear John,
It is Chrissy again,I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Please if you need anyone to talk to my email is Clynno11@aol.com. I am here for you!

Dec 31, 2013
Another Year Gone Bye
by: His Dad

The year 2013 has come and gone. Another year of birthdays and Christms without my son. Another year of asking myself everyday what I could have done or should have done to keep him from doing what he did. I can't find an answer. He was not perfect but I loved him with all my heart. I have many memories of him but a memory is not the same as having him here.
I do my best to try to pretend I am ok I fool most people but can't fool myself. I don't look forward to 2014 as nothing will change for me.
My heart or whats left of it goes out to other parents who have lost a child as we are the only ones who know what heartbreak and loneliness really is.


Mar 30, 2013
2 years later
by: J huner

It's been two years today that I lost him.
Who ever said time heals all wounds was not refering to the loss of a child. The pain never leaves and your are not the same person you use to be. I have gotten good at pretending I am better but it is just a lie. Every day I ask what I could have done different but what if's will never bring him back.

Oct 02, 2012
Childhood best friend
by: Chad McCurley

Mr. Huner, I do not know if you remember me. I spent many years as a kid with your son and spent a ton of nights at your home in Brandywine subdivision with you son. John was one of my best friends as a child.
With that, First, let me tell you how deeply Saddened to have just found this news. I am so very sad for your loss. I shared so many memories with your family and your son. From staying up all night playing the first nintendo game on his birthday, to roaming the streets on our skateboards and thanking how awesome it was that johns dad built a half pipe in the drive way for us to ride on, to camping out in your back yard and mine with him and our neighborhood friends. There are so many memories that are flashing through my head as I type this comment.
I moved away in '89 and never got to see John again. When I was old enough I always looked in the phone book or google for John. Until this day I have never found a number for him. I am saddened that this is the first piece of news I have found. And here I find it a year and Half to late. I'm not sure where you family lives now but I want you to know that even as a long lost friend of Johns if there is anything that I may help with please let me know.

Chadtm77@gmail.com

Sep 10, 2012
Rook
by: Anonymous

We'll do it all Everything On our own
We don't need Anything Or anyone
If I lay hereIf I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?
I don't quite know How to say How I feel
Those three words Are said too much They're not enough
If I lay hereIf I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?
Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden That's bursting into life
Let's waste time Chasing car sAround our heads
I need your grace To remind me To find my own
If I lay hereIf I just lay hereWould you lie with me And just forget the world?
Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a gardenThat's bursting into life
All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes They're all I can see
I don't know whereConfused about how as wellJust know that these things Will never change for us at all
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?


Snow Patrol




You promised forever .......

Aug 29, 2012
someone who cared
by: Anonymous

Your son was beautiful inside and out, despite the torment of his drug addiction.

Jul 12, 2012
Huner
by: Kelly Coil (Abbott)

Mr. Huner, I am so very sorry to hear about John. I just found out today and I am torn to pieces. I loved John like a brother for many years. I was fortunate enough to of known how wonderful of a person he was. He was always so caring and thoughtful and kind. I know how much you loved him and I can't imagine how hard each and every day is for you. He loved you so much. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I am truly sorry that I did not attend his services. I had no idea. Please try to always remember that he would not want you to stay depressed. Try to focus on the good memories. I know you have a lot of them. Take care of yourself.
Kelly

Jun 10, 2012
Childhood friend and neighbor
by: Chrissy Orton

Dear John Sr,
Hi I don't know if you remember me but your son John was a huge part of my childhood. He was always so kind to my friends and I, his best friend in the neighborhood was my best friends brother. Even though he was 4 years older he always played with us. When it snowed we had snowball fights, he would always let us go in the back yard to play, would let us watch movies and play with the dogs. And I remember his awesome mustangs he loved. He was truly amazing and such a good hearted person. My first kid crush lol. I remember you all moved and I cried like a baby which I was... Then we moved to Ft. Lauderdale. I always looked for him and asked friends up there if they knew how to get in touch with him but to no avail. In 2001 I went to visit my parents in Social Circle and got my mom to take me to the last house I knew you all had moved to. Without knowing if he still lived there I walked up and knocked on the door, and there he was... He was surprised and seemed very excited, he came out and hugged my mom and I. We talked for a bit and it was great seeing him again after 7 years.He kept saying it was weird seeing me all grown up. I tried to get in touch a couple of months after that but the # he gave me ended up disconnected, tried to locate him on Facebook and other Internet searches. So what brought me here today... I thought of him today and found this. I am so sorry for your loss, words cannot explain how shocked and saddened I am to see this. He will always be in my heart as well as you and your family. If there is a heaven I know he is there and no longer suffering from that disease. You can't blame yourself you were always there for him and a great father, and now have a granddaughter who will help you through this. When you look at her you will see him... you have a piece of him still here with you . I have a son named Jon and as a parent I couldnt imagine what you are going through, we tend to think as patents it should be the other way around and when problems prevail we blame ourselves.My condolences go out to you and he will forever be missed. Please take care xo RIP John Huner Jr.<3 ~ Chrissy Orton

Apr 01, 2012
My World Has Ended...
by: the.esoteric.love

Dear John,
They say there is no worse a pain than a parent losing a child. I believe it to be true, for what is more precious and powerful than the love we begin to understand when our first child is born.. We watch them grow, every step of the way, we are their guardian and we nourish them with all our heart and soul. It is a love that blooms, even in the darkest corner, even when we hurt each other or hurt ourselves, and hope the shame and agony is unseen by the ones that love us...
Your son passed away in very difficult circumstances.. and I say difficult because it is something that you will lack understanding of, no matter how much you contemplate on the why's, how's and what could have been, there is no clear picture here, just the aftermath of a deluge.. one that had changed your life forever, and left you feeling naked and impoverished in the deepest part of your identity and human core. You feel you are dying.. slowly fading behind clouds that deepen your sorrow. You hurt because you cannot come to a conclusion or sense of understanding that allows you to receive justice. There are just not enough answers, and no one, can make it all better again... You wonder what it takes to feel even the tiniest bit of relief or peace or just to feel.. to feel like you.
John, you are not alone, what happened wasn't your fault and you cannot continue to hurt yourself further with worrisome and destructive thoughts about how you could have done more. No matter how hard we try to protect our children, and how close we feel to them, they will always find a way to occasionally fly into a direction we fear for them. Most of them come back.. and learn.. sometimes they slip up again, and learn again.. because that is life; it can be very easy to fall, and so hard to get up again. When we're young, we tend to think we need nobody to see and hear about our struggles, because of how we'll be perceived or the fear of not making other people, or ourselves proud. And those struggles can be deadly.. when we choose to give up, and forget that there are people who love us enough to hold us up, when we loose the energy and courage to continue fighting alone...

I hope that you find a light in your life John, that begins to cleanse the guilt you feel at the loss of your Son. He would not have wanted to pain you in this way. Drugs destroy peoples lives.. and those left behind, who suffer the losses of their sons, daughters, sisters, brothers and loved ones, know only what it is to be left with pieces, that can't be pieced back together again.

My heart goes out to you and your family. May you all find healing, through each other, and in united strength xo.

Mar 30, 2012
A year gone by.
by: John Huner

It has be 365 days as of today when I came home and found my son John had taken is own life. Each day that passes does not get any better just worse. I get angry at myself as I feel I could have done more and differnt things that might have prevented it. I am able to put up a false front for the people I work with and deal with on a daily basis. I get home and he is not there and miss talking to him while fixing supper. I miss his daily phone calls checking on me and having me bring him some fireballs or a couple of cigarettes. Most of all I miss him telling me good night and saying I love you. Time does not heal all wounds thats for sure. John was a good son and friend but could not leave the drugs alone for any period of time. I guess in his mind death was the only way out for him. I will always miss him and think about him everyday .

Dec 27, 2011
ditto
by: Anonymous

i want to die too
i feel lonely allways and down.

Dec 24, 2011
Still can't get over it still hurt My world has ended
by: John Huner

It 's been almost 9 months since my son John took is own life do to his drug addiction.
He would have been 35 on December the 9th.

Tomorrow will be Christmas which makes things worse for me. I still blame myself wishing I could have done more but can't figure what that could have been. I try to pretend I am ok but am am not and never will be.

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a child as no one else knows the pain we deal with 24 hours a day 7 days a week We don't really have any good days only bad days then worse than bad days.

I miss my John so very very much and nothing I can do to bring him back. If there is a Heaven I know he is there as he suffered so much here on earth.

Nov 29, 2011
An Old Friend
by: Nicole Stegall

John,

I was lucky to of had your son in my life for five years. It was years ago but I have fond memories, some of which I'm sure you remember yourself. I have looked for him a couple times over the years, with no luck. The times I thought I had, I was never sure. The one time I do, this is what I find. I'm still not sure I believe it myself. I'm so sorry for you and your family. John was a truly amazing person, and will be greatly missed.

Apr 25, 2011
very sorry
by: Anonymous

John,

What was your sons name?


Apr 15, 2011
Why & If Only...as long as it takes...
by: Dakota Blues

My daughter took her life 3 years ago. She had just turned 25. I am not where I want to be in my grief recovery at all. I keep thinking I can find a short cut...which isn't there. I keep thinking I can do this alone...which I can't. I may be to the point where seeking outside help is needed.

My daughter was given a medication, along with her birth control pills, and within 3 months she was dead. I sometimes struggle with the "why" and the "if only" but not nearly as often as the first year. It's a puzzle piece that is missing and I learned that I won't be able to find it...or if I think I found it...it still doesn't really fit. I still don't really know, why. I can't really say for sure.

We don't get to know 100% of the "why." The one to ask is gone. My daughter seemed to be a normal, healthy young adult. I can point fingers all day long at the side effects with that medication but I will not be given 100% clarity. We just do not know for sure what a person may be thinking no matter how close we are to them. I was really close to my daughter and I never dreamed she was suicidal. I so worried about car accidents.

We all have to struggle with "the why." It's part of your grief and normal. Over time "the why" and "what if's" do settle down in our heads. I may not be able to encourage y'all in a lot of areas of grief work but I can tell you that you will wrestle with the 'why" and "if only" for as long as you need to and then you will slowly start to lay those two issues down. Hugs~

Apr 14, 2011
So Sorry for Your Loss
by: Dakota Blues

Losing a child is like no other pain. Be very gentle with yourself. Do let your loved ones embrace you right now. Accept ALL help that is offered for as long as it is offered.

Do try to live one day at a time. "Can I just get through today?" Your son was deeply loved...he will be deeply grieved. Grieve and allow others to comfort you.

I found this site today. There is a lot of good information here. Read as you are able to. Again, be very gentle with yourself right now.

Apr 14, 2011
So sorry
by: Loretta

I read this, and feel your pain. My son, John, died of a heroin overdose on January 3, 2011. I know it was an "accidental overdose" however, having overdosed 3x that I know of, and having been on advanced life support for one of them- I cant imagine what he was thinking when he relapsed. All I can say is that their struggles are over, and ours have just begun. I will pray for you, as I do for all of us who have this loss, that we come to peace within our own hearts, that our children are in Heaven. Whatever one believes, we must believe, that our children are at Peace.
Hugs to you from California.
Loretta

Apr 07, 2011
Sorry for your loss
by: Cynthia Fletche

I just lost my Dad, and what you said about all parents should tell your children you love them is so true, you just never know. Your life can change in just one minute and never ever be the same ever again. I to also have lost a child, she was 2 months old, and I have never been the same since. Time does heal some things but not all and now loosing my Dad has been probably the hardest. I would call and bug him all the time, I miss him. I am praying for you and I to get through the hard days. Just know you were loved by your son...

Apr 05, 2011
Truly sorrry for your pain
by: Anonymous

John,
I am so sorry for your loss.

I am sure your son did not intend to end his life. A son that took the time to check in on his dad at work would not deliberately cause you the pain that you feel today.

The demons that cause a person to turn to drugs for comfort took your sons life. Your son could not control those demons. Your son could not find peace in this life, but take comfort in the knowledge that your son is now at peace with the Lord.

May God bless you and your family & give your grand daughter a HUGE hug and kiss. She is the most wonderful gift your son could have given you.

There are more people on this site praying for you than you could imagine. God is bound to listen to us and help you through this in time.

Apr 05, 2011
Truly Sorry
by: Ashley roberds sharpe

I am deeply sorry. John was my friend in school. Learning of his death has saddened me. I know hey was a good person, & will be missed.

Apr 05, 2011
lost sons
by: Anonymous

I too lost my son on 8/9/10....just 8 months ago. I still have moments where I feel like I'm drowning and can't breathe. I went back to work 3 weeks after his death and I was a zombie. I've been attending Compassionate Friends' meetings and that has helped a lot. Friends are great but it gets to a point where they can't listen to you anymore. At least when I go to these meetings I'm "allowed" to grieve and I don't have to hide it. I don't understand this...Dimitri was only 23. He was just becoming a man. He was just starting his life. I'd trade mine for his any day. I don't have words to comfort you. I still haven't found the right ones for me. Hopefully, one day, all of us will have the answer to the question, "Why?".

Apr 05, 2011
RE: My World Has Ended.
by: the.esoteric.love

My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. No parent should have to bury their child; it feels so wrong in every way.. and what explanation could possibly do it justice? So many questions left unanswered, and it haunts you to try and answer what you know you never can..

You cannot allow yourself to be taunted by thoughts that your world has ended. Your child may have meant the world to you, but you must also be aware that you also mean the world to someone else, and there is a lot more for you to do and accomplish here as you journey through life. It will take time, a lot of time.. for you and your family to adjust to living without your dear son, but you can do it, and you know he would want you to look back on him at happier times and move forward with your own life without carrying the cloud of the circumstances under which he died. I know it is a hard thing to do.. but if you keep his memory alive, and reflect on the positive experiences you both shared, it may eventually ease your pain and perhaps some of the helplessness you have felt while contemplating what more you could've done to prevent the worst from occurring.

You have a grandchild that is the greatest and most wonderful gift of life he could've left for you. Whenever you look at her, whenever she stares at you with those big, innocent, happy eyes, think of your son and the unconditional love that exists between a parent and child. Surely, your son felt that amazing sense of connection and safety with you, so whenever you really want to give your son the biggest hug tell him how much he meant to you, give your grand daughter your words and affection instead. Perhaps he will feel it through her, if you believe it so..

take care, and special hugs to you

Apr 05, 2011
our sons
by: kay

John
I am so sorry and sad for your huge loss. As a parent who has also lost a son who was 23 years old only last year. I can fully understand your pain. I am sending you all my love and a message of healing. Our lives will never be the same again. WE will always and forever hold them in our hearts. please take care of yourself.xxxxx

Apr 05, 2011
My world has ended
by: Anonymous

I know how do you fell I also lost my son he took his life on 2/19/2011 and I just can not make myself to back to work just. The hold in my chest of pain , hope some day we can be able to say everything is ok. Hope that with all my soul .

Apr 04, 2011
Loosing your son
by: M Mack

John,

So sorry for the loss of your son. You are probably still numb and trying to figure it all out. This will be a rough road for you and going through it is horrible. Your son was not well, he made a mistake and I'm sure he didn't want this to happen. Pray for him and yourself to find the strength needed to go through this grief. No matter what the circumstance surrounding this tragedy, there is hope for all of us. We need to work through it, face it head on and give in to the sadness I lost the best thing that ever happened to me suddenly nine months ago. I'm still very sad and have many ups and downs.

I'm glad you came to this site for comfort. Write, vent and know that you are not alone. Read posts from the many people all over the world mourning a lost loved one. There is even a part about suicide and many great books to help you along. My heart goes out to you and your family. You have my prayers.

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