My World Is Different Now.....
Hello, my name is Gail.
I found this website while looking for a place to talk with other parents who have lost an adult child and who know what I have, am and will be going through.
Do I now say I have two children and one was killed or I had two children? Just answering the question of how many children I have is strange to me.
Anyway, I gave birth to two children. My son Scott who is 26 and my daughter Jenna who was 21 at the time. I live in Colorado. On January 14, 2012, she was coming home after finishing her shift at work and then having breakfast with a friend. The crash happened at 3:25am. She had a green light and was turning left. A car in front of her had turned. There was a car with 2 girls in it at the stop light who saw it all happen right in front of them. My daughter was driving a Toyota Corolla. A Porsche Cayanne ran the red light going an estimated 80 mph and t-boned my daughter. She was ejected through the back window and was killed instantly. The driver and passenger ran. The police found them with the K-9 dogs. They were very drunk and the driver is in prison and faces 6 charges.
The fact that it happened at all, the ironic timing and to have 5 witnesses at that moment at 3:25am was and still is so unbelievable to me....
The first few weeks I lived in a fog. Between family, friends, the media, police dept. and the DA's office we just tried to hang on.....
Then I had to plan the funeral service for my daughter. I hated every minute of it and yet I had only one shot to make it right and something that she would have wanted. The service did turn out beautiful and there were over 300 people. She touched so many lives in her short 21 years. I am so proud of her. I only wish I could tell her one more time and hug her... I miss her so much.
So it is now almost 8 weeks. I am coming back to life but feeling like I was plopped back on earth as a different person. My view of the world has changed. Some of it is good. I can now get to what is important and don't sweat the small stuff but everything feels very different. Everything..... It's like I am trying to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I take baby steps and am starting to care about thngs again. Cooking, my house etc... but I take things one at a time. Multi-tasking is still difficult and I imagine it will be for some time.
I sometimes forget and reach for my phone to call her or just little habits that I catch myself doing and then remember, oh, it's still real. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I will never see her again.
It comes in waves and I never know when it will hit me. it just happens. Fortunately, I have a strong support system and am very lucky in that regard.
So, here I am and wanted to reach out to anyone else who has been there and may need and want to talk.
Take Care and be gentle on yourself......