My World Is Different Now.....

by Gail

Hello, my name is Gail.

I found this website while looking for a place to talk with other parents who have lost an adult child and who know what I have, am and will be going through.

Do I now say I have two children and one was killed or I had two children? Just answering the question of how many children I have is strange to me.

Anyway, I gave birth to two children. My son Scott who is 26 and my daughter Jenna who was 21 at the time. I live in Colorado. On January 14, 2012, she was coming home after finishing her shift at work and then having breakfast with a friend. The crash happened at 3:25am. She had a green light and was turning left. A car in front of her had turned. There was a car with 2 girls in it at the stop light who saw it all happen right in front of them. My daughter was driving a Toyota Corolla. A Porsche Cayanne ran the red light going an estimated 80 mph and t-boned my daughter. She was ejected through the back window and was killed instantly. The driver and passenger ran. The police found them with the K-9 dogs. They were very drunk and the driver is in prison and faces 6 charges.

The fact that it happened at all, the ironic timing and to have 5 witnesses at that moment at 3:25am was and still is so unbelievable to me....

The first few weeks I lived in a fog. Between family, friends, the media, police dept. and the DA's office we just tried to hang on.....

Then I had to plan the funeral service for my daughter. I hated every minute of it and yet I had only one shot to make it right and something that she would have wanted. The service did turn out beautiful and there were over 300 people. She touched so many lives in her short 21 years. I am so proud of her. I only wish I could tell her one more time and hug her... I miss her so much.

So it is now almost 8 weeks. I am coming back to life but feeling like I was plopped back on earth as a different person. My view of the world has changed. Some of it is good. I can now get to what is important and don't sweat the small stuff but everything feels very different. Everything..... It's like I am trying to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I take baby steps and am starting to care about thngs again. Cooking, my house etc... but I take things one at a time. Multi-tasking is still difficult and I imagine it will be for some time.

I sometimes forget and reach for my phone to call her or just little habits that I catch myself doing and then remember, oh, it's still real. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I will never see her again.

It comes in waves and I never know when it will hit me. it just happens. Fortunately, I have a strong support system and am very lucky in that regard.

So, here I am and wanted to reach out to anyone else who has been there and may need and want to talk.

Take Care and be gentle on yourself......


Comments for My World Is Different Now.....

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 28, 2012
Sorry for your Loss
by: Anonymous

I can understand your pain from one side but I have a difficulty with it in a different perspective. Unfortunately my son killed two young men in the prime of of their life, one of I believe 16 and the other 17. Because he was under the legal age here in Texas they charged him with intoxication manslaughter. Due to circumstances he spent 8 years in the pen.
Yes I visited him every other weekend with his daughter and would not change any of that. His father, actually you call him step father supported me one hundred per cent. He came out a different person and that is where I have a hard time dealing with who he is. He is not the same person who went in. Prison does that to people, even the good ones.
It has taken until 1997 for him to adjust and come to grips with what he did. He would take it all back in a moment if he could. He was under the legal drinking age in Texas which is 21. He had just turned 20 on August 2nd and this happened in October.
People change and events in our lives cause us as human beings to change. Life has no guarantees and no promises. Love the ones you are close to but most of all love the ones you cherish.
Sunday will be 5 months since I lost the love of my life. But life must go on whether I like it or not. Things change. We have a choice in life. I chose to move forward but I am not sure my son is there after all these years. Only time will tell.

Mar 27, 2012
Hard days
by: Kim

Hi Gail,
Thank you for writing. It moved me. Today is one of the hard days. My beautiful daughter died on August 29, 2011, almost seven months ago. Little by little I've crawled out of the rabbit hole of grief but today, right now, it's like it just happened. It helps, just a bit, to know there are others out there like me.

Mar 23, 2012
Thank you to everyone. It really helps
by: Anonymous

This is Gail. Thank you to everyone who has taken time out of your busy lives, your own confusion and pain to share your stories and comfort me.
We all share common threads. I feel close to each and every one of you...Though our stories may be different, we all experience an unbelievable ride and work through each day hour by hour.
I don't know about anyone else but writing helps me and I am so grateful to Jennie for starting this website... Thank You. I am truly benefiting from different areas here as I continue to poke around and discover the wonderful things it has to offer.
My email is gmp0109@comcast if anyone would like to contact me directly....
Take Care and good night.

Mar 15, 2012
adult child
by: Anonymous

My son was 23 and was killed on 8th Oct 2011, he was my best friend, I always say I have 2 children because I have, my daughter has been my rock, and the best I can hope for is that I can learn to cope somehow with this different life. I too found this page and wish to God that I had never had to but it does somehow help a little bit to know that other people are going through the same thing, My first husband died from cancer when he was 50, Jake was only 16 at the time and my daughter was 13, that was hard but nothing compared to this. I married again and my husband and Jake never really saw eye to eye, which is hard. He thinks I should be "over it" now! why cant he get it into his head that I shall NEVER be over it. I have always saved a little bit of money for a rainy day and 8 weeks after Jake died I went away for a week with my daughter - we went on a horseback safari in Botswana it did us both good, we both laughed, we both cried and we both got scared, we needed to do something that was an adrenelin rush and not have too much time to mull over the past, when you are being chased by a herd of elephants on a horse it does take your mind off things for a while. It was the best thing that we could have done, it didnt change things but it gave us a weeks respite from crying and not knowing what to do. out of the blue we were invited to a wedding in Oz, Nick (my husband)did not want to go and so again I went with just Sammy, just a distraction really, and that is what I do now, I just try to organise little distractions, this gives me something else to concentrate on for a short while. Before this happened I would never have gone away without my husband, now I have a different view - he could have come, he chose not to and I have a choice - sink or swim - and I am trying my very hardest to swim, I cannot sink because my daughter has nobody left but me. It is her I live for now. I have now spent my "rainy day fund" and hope that I can find more little distractions along this long long path. I have today ordered Jake's headstone, another step to cross, again so hard and something no mother should ever have to do. I like you I suspect still have the inquest to come, I am dreading it. I hope that you and I can somehow learn to live with these dreadful tragedies. I did go and see a medium at xmas time (something I have never really believed in) and that was of enormous comfort to me, she didnt know me and I didnt speak a word the whole time I was there, from the minute I got into her house I just sobbed, but she told me things about Jake, the funeral and his friends that nobody else knew. If you can find a good one, I strongly recommend that you go It convinced me that there is an afterlife and that Jake is still withme every day. My email address is if you would like to contact me. When you cry, it is just her hugging you, she is with you all of the time. xx

Mar 13, 2012
Yes your world is different
by: Anonymous

and will never be the world you knew. On July 6, 2010 I lost my 25 year old son. Like yourself I only had two children and he was the oldest. His brother who is 11 1/2 months younger still bears the loss. My heart aches for you-the reality is still so unreal.All I can say is I know how I was feeling. In my head I knew he wasn't coming home, but for some reason I still expecting him to come walking in the door. It takes a really long time to get past that, however you never get past the absence every day. Many times I asked God to take me back to the day before and take me instead but after a while you realize that is not going to happen. Just remember your child would want you to live your life happy and to the fullest as she did. My son was full of life and everyone loved and respected him. So I get up each day and still cry; still hope and still get heartbroken by what occurred. I read a short story recently and this was quoted by the psychologist who was seeing a young lady after a traumatic experience in her life. I thought I would share this with you; it really hit home with me.

“It happened and you can’t take away the memories or the pain. It may have changed you, but it’s a part of your history. It does not make up the total sum of your person. Right now that may be hard to believe but I promise you although you may never be the same, you will find yourself again. You will find the old person and merge her with the new one.”
Bless you and may your life be full once again

Mar 13, 2012
I understand the pain of losing a child
by: TRACY ( Jordan;s mum)

Hi Gail,

I lost my 17 year old son on the 19/01/2012, I truly understand your pain. I am sat here writing in floods of tears as I am having another bad day.
Some days do seem easier however you are right they are not the same any-more. our world changed the day we lost our children
I have posted several blogs on here and this has helped me to come to terms (if you can call it that because for all the pain and grieving I still feel like its not sunk in)
Thursday for me will be 8 weeks, it hurts like hell.
I am also finding that I can now cook family meals and clean ect however struggle with tasks at work.
everything makes me think of Jordan, sunny days mean why isn't he here to see this? lovely sunny days. I cant listen to music without crying and I'm an emotional wreck. Things have got better in the sense that I do not sit crying all day now and I am able to function better.
Dear dear Gail it so very early days for us and I keep being told time is a healer! My son committed suicide at 17 at time when he should have been enjoying all the best that life has to offer. I have spoke to others who have also lost their children and most say that time is a healer and it will get easier. One lady told me that grief is like walking up a huge mountain you will reach its peak then slip backwards back down the path, no one knows what each day will hold for us, just let your grief out. I sometimes hold it together for the sake of my other children this then seems to multiply my grief.
I am also being asked how many children do I have?
and like you I don't really know what to say now. I have decided to always say " I have 4 children" as I always will have 4 children its just that one is waiting to meet up again in another place.

All my love and thoughts


Mar 13, 2012
Thank you...
by: Gail

To Carol and Janet......
Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Carol, our children are close in age. Please email me when you can.

Janet, I am sorry you are hurting over the loss of your husband.

If either of you feel like email is I think it helps to write and let out feelings to others who are also hurting.

Take Care and I hope to hear from you both.


Mar 13, 2012
different world
by: molly

Hi Gail, I am so sorry for your loss. It is awful to be part of this sad group, but I too have lost my 16yr old son to a cardiac arrythimia. He was at basket ball camp in Colorado, he was at the camp only 2 hours when he collapsed and they were unable to bring him back. My world is so different I don't even know how to shop for groceries anymore. I wake every morning wondering why am I here. I walk around feeling like I am an alien or in some alternet universe. Quinn was my only child and as a single mom my only reason for getting up in the morning. Now I have to find a reason and instead of it getting easier it just remains hard and family and friends all start to move on with their lives I am left feeling alone and lost even in a crowd I still feel alone. I have started to go to church and joined a group but that didn't work for me (the group). I am reading alot of books one that I have felt somewhat helpful is why do bad things happen to good people. It hasn't healed my heart but it has put somethings into different perspective. I am looking for a bereavement counseller because I have tried a regular therapist and they didn't help. I feel like I am just running in circles without knowing when or where to stop. I know what I need to do but a big part of me just wants to go to sleep and just not wake up again. I just can't believe that my beautiful loving son is dead and gone and I will not see him and I have to live the rest of my life without him. The idea of that is so bleek and scary I just can't see how I can possibly do it. I miss Quinn so, so much. It is unbelievable to think that my son so full of life died just impossible, it has been 7 months now and my life is just empty. I am trying to survive but don't see the reasons why to even bother. All I can say to you is to try and give all that love that you have to your other child and live life the way you know your daughter would want you to. If you want to talk you can email me

Mar 13, 2012
I understand
by: carol,seans mom

Gail, I lost my 24 year old Sean on November 15,2011. It was sudden also. He went to bed and never woke up. We have heard alot about a blood clot in his heart but we four months later still wait for autopsy reports. I understand what you mean about a different world now. I feel like I am not me anymore. Sean was the oldest of three children and my only son. I know I need to be a mom,his sisters are 22 and 16. His youngest sister just turned 16 ,thirteen days after he died. He was buried the Monday before Thanksgiving. We had plans for that day we spent in Icu. We had plans for his sisters sixteenth birthday and Sean and I talked about Christmas. Now I feel like those conversations happened in a different life time. What becomes of a mom who lived for her children and now one is gone. I loved him so much and there is no way Life will ever be the same. I still cry every day. I am truly exhausted. Peace to all of us who have lost our beautiful children. I truly dont believe it.

Mar 13, 2012
Wonderfully written
by: Janet

I have never lost a child but I am sure that your pain is as bad as loosing a spouse. My heart goes out to you during this time of loss. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Be patient with youself and allow yourself to grieve as painful as it maybe at times. Be gentle with yourself. I wish that I could be there to hold you and comfort you during this time of pain. I am not sure how I would handle losing my son especially after the loss of my husband. We are all here for you and if there is any thing that I can do please let me know. You may contact me at should you just want to talk about your daughter.
Being a mother myself, I can feel and understand your pain. Even though I have not been there I can only image what you are going through.
May God hold you gently in the palm of His hands. God Bless You. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Mar 13, 2012
So tragic
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your son. He is a very nice looking man. My 29yo daughter was murdered almost two years ago. I am still in a state of craziness, partly because we don't know who killed her. She was missing for 11 days and I know she was murdered the day she left home because she never used her phone after that day. Heather was the apple of my eye.

I hope you can find some comfort somewhere, some how. I wish I could be of help but I am still lost myself. One thing is for sure, time and life keep going and we have to find a way to go with it.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!