My World is Shattered

by Brenda
(Overland Park , Kansas)

In my heart forever!

In my heart forever!

I lost my son Steven at 28 years of age. He passed away on May 17 2012, although his actual death is May 20 2012 according to the death certificate.
Steven was found, unconscious in a dark,empty McDonald's parking lot. We're someone dumped him like common trash.
The night of May 16, 2012 I told him goodnight, he was living at home until his apt. Was ready.
I was awoken by the doorbell at 2:30 am by two police officers in forming me.....
No one knew how long he had laid there unconscious before a police officer found him, performed CPR for quite awhile before an ambulance was called and transported him across the street to a major hospital. Yes, there was a hospital directly across the street. He was put on life support, but began having seizures that would not stop. He was disconnected from life support in May 20, 2012 around noon.

He was an organ donor and saved the lives of five different people. Which one day I know I will be thankful for......but not right now.
We to this day, and it has Been 10 months now, do not know what happened. We have absolutely no idea who picked him up that night, we did not even know he had left. It was totally out if character for him, as he had a great job and had to get up early. He never left the house!
He was not with friends or co workers.....
He had to go to a special coroner because he had to have an invasive autopsy done. He was cremated, and I have not had a Memorial Service for him yet. I cannot face it......
I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings. I have two other children who are having a very hard time, I am struggling myself, so I am not much help for them.
They hurt so bad, they threaten to go join their brother. This makes me crazy, and scares me to death.
My entire world has been shattered, my family is devastated and broken.
I rarely leave my house, and don't want to be around people. Only the Compassionate Friends at my meetings, which is only once a month.
I am angry at God, I am basically angry at everyone and everything. I feel my life is over, I miss him more each day, and remain in disbelief that something this horrific could actually happen to my son, to me and to my family!!

There is absolutely nothing in this world that could be worse!
People say that there is hope one day, that things will get better, I don't have enough faith left to even believe that this is capable of happening.

Grieving Mother

Comments for My World is Shattered

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 24, 2013
your son
by: Kate

Brenda I am so sorry you are on here with this huge loss of your son.I lost my son in Nov 2012 ,he was 39 and the devestating loss is unbearable and I wonder how I do go on!
So I understand your pain. Death brings so many emotions,anger,pain,sorrrow,loss, is a horrific loss you have had. It is such a shock that it takes time for us to absorb it. It is 4 a.m. and Im not sleeping,Im on here. I dont know how to go on but I know I have to! We have others that need us too,need our love,are suffering too.We ave to pull together by asking and begging God to help us.Its sometimes hard to see God because our pain is so big.Im so so sorry for your heavy grief and I send love to you and do know this,we all on here are on the mourning bench and people here understand when we shout out our pain and sorrow because someone so precious to us has been taken from us. One day at a time is all we can do. We share sorrow. Keep trying as best you can. anything you feel in grief is normal becase it is so huge a loss, sending you love.

Mar 23, 2013
My World is Shattered
by: Doreen U.K.

Brenda this is a vicious horrific abominable senseless tragedy that has happened to your son. It is worse for you because you have no answers. Your son had his whole life ahead and as you say happy in his job. WHY? oh! WHY? in this day and age can no answers be found. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
My husband died 10 months ago of cancer, and I was so very angry with God for a long time. I know how you feel. I also couldn't get out of bed. For months I did nothing but go on this grief site. I did the bare minimum of work. I lost all motivation to do anything except barely prepare a meal. That was my only priority. 10 months on I only do anything if I have the energy and motivation. I still feel beat up with grief.
For this type of death you would benefit greatly from going to see a grief counsellor. In fact since your other children are struggling with their loss of a brother they also could benefit from the space to talk about their loss. You all would move forward better from the pain of this tragic loss. It is the worst thing that could happen to a mother. But the type of death affects the grief which is why grief counselling should be a priority. Don't feel daunted by this. I have done this and it was the best thing I did for myself years ago. Which has benefited me in my life now when death strikes I cope better. But I will never get over the death of my husband ever. In the same way a parent will never get over the loss of a child/adult child. My nephew was 30yrs. of age when through depression he threw himself in front of an express train. My sister was mad with grief and had to have a counsellor come to her home to pick up the pieces of her broken life. 6yrs. on she is coping better but will have the scars forever. Get as much support as you can as this helps a lot. I still wake up and think this was all a dream. I cry more now than I did in the early days. Perhaps I am thawing out and the reality has now hit me, that My Beloved husband is never coming home. This is too powerful for my mind to comprehend. I am still searching for him. I don't know when this grief will get better for any of us. May you be comforted in your Pain and grief.

Mar 23, 2013
You are not alone
by: Jill

Dear Brenda, I am so pleased you have contacted this site where others live with grief, shock, and loneliness. We support one another.

Once a month meetings are inadequate. You need at least a weekly support counsellor. This goes for your children too - who you cannot emotionally support in your frail state.

I had had unexpected deaths, and an accident that crushed our family. The sheer loneliness of the situation can be devastating. Try hard as it is not to give yourself time scales - just one day at a time.

You are in my prayers.Jill

Mar 22, 2013
praying for you
by: Anonymous

precious one- I am praying that Jesus who is the comforter will pour His spirit out on you and give you a peace that passes all understanding... Even though you may not feel it right now- Jesus is with you and will never leave you.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!