My worst nightmare that came true
by Jill Urbank
(cuyahoga falls, OH)
December 10, 2010 started out like any other day. But it ended in the worst way possible. My husband Aaron died suddenly at work because of a heart attack. We have our own business of hauling water and he drove the truck and I handled the books. Now I handle all of it. I had to hire a person to drive the truck and I know very little about trucks. He was the most important person in my life. Besides our 16 year old son that worshiped the ground his father walked on. He of course is in pain too. Everyday is like walking in quick sand. I get up and just go through the day. I drop from exhaustion and such sadness everyday around 9pm and then I'm awake in the middle of the night, I then fall back to sleep for a short time and the day starts all over again. I have never in my life have felt such sadness and despair. I wish it would have been me instead of him. But here I am trying to pick up this shattered and lonely life because of my son. He and his dad were just about to start his Boy Scout Eagle project and yes his father was the Scoutmaster of my son's boy scout troop. They all miss him too.
The panic is too much. Everyday I cry and say over and over again that I just want my old life back with him. I don't know what the future holds and I'm scared without him.
I thought we would have so many more years together and now there is nothing. I hate the evening hours and it is scary at night so I keep the tv on 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. He was the best person I have ever known. I'm lost without him.