Need advice, help on the loss of my mom.

by Debbie O
(Willow Grove, PA)

My mom passed away suddenly on May 12th, 2011. I was on the phone with her as she lay dying. She was at home in bed thinking she was just having an "off" day. I live almost an hour away and couldn't get to her in time. She was 81 but everyone swore she was so much younger. She had been suffering due to double knee replacement surgery a year earlier but we never expected or thought she would die. I heard her take her last breath of life and can't get it out of my head. It' a month today and I don't know how to go on without her. I loved her more than she ever knew. I'm devastated and heartbroken as only others who have walked this road could know. What is life without our mom's? I misss her more with each moment and I"m struggling to cope in everyday life. I appreciate any help anyone kindly offers.

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Nov 30, 2011
Miss u mom
by: Anonymous

Lost my mom in February after a long illness---heart problems then cancer----my last parent. I'm going thought the "firsts"... First birthday, first mothers day, first thanksgiving and dreading the first Christmas. Will be all alone on Christmas as, my kids will be with their dad...

Jun 26, 2011
I know your pain
by: Tina in Chicago

Dear Need Advice, I know your pain. It is my pain. Honor your Mom by continuing to live a good life. She loved you way too much to want her death to also be yours. She had dreams for you before you were born and before you had dreams for yourself. Cry, cry, cry and curse and then cry some more. With great love for a person comes great loss when that person isn't there. My Mom died in March 2011 and I just finished crying for her mere hours ago. She and I had a relationship that made all that knew us say it was not normal; we were just too close. For us, it was normal and we loved each others' spirit and soul. We thoroughly enjoyed each others' company. We could talk about anything and anybody and laugh, get mad at each other one minute and be friends the next. You will have this pain for a long time, we are here, we truly do help each other. I thank God that I found this site. Take it one moment at a time. One day you, and the rest of us, will all be OK and will have moved through our loss. Until then, let us help you.

Jun 21, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Brenda (Mandeville, LA)

Dear Need Advice,

The 19th was the 9 month anniversary of my mom's passing and it is still very difficult for me. My mom's death was similar to your's...My mom had fallen and broken bones. We had been trying to get her the medical care she needed and deserved...this was an on going battle for 9 months. We finally had found a pain management doctor who was doing her a lot of good and she was supposed to finally come home after a 3 1/2 month stay in physical rehab. The beginning of the week of which she was supposed to come home, she just lost all of her vital signs and the doctors were never able to get any of them back. We were all so shocked. Every month on the 19th, all the memories of that day come flooding back to me as if it's just happened all over again. Easter Sunday, only 7 months after my mom passed, my father-in-law passed's just been horrible. I have started to see a social worker for help with my grief but it is still a struggle.

You are in the very early stages and unfortunately, you have a long was to's a long road but hang in there! It will get easier but, it's been 9 months for me and it's still SO hard...don't let anyone tell you to move on, we all have to take our time and grieve at our own pace.

If you have any interest in writing to me, feel free. I love correspondance and it would help me as well. My email address is:

Please put "grief support" as the subject title.

Know that you are not alone and keep posting when you need to, I think it will help.

Jun 14, 2011
Need advice
by: Annie

For me finding this site and the people who have written here have been a big help. Without insurance and lack of availability in my area the computer has over and over again proven to be my best support. I lost my Mom March 20, 2011.
Only people who have walked in your shoes truly know how you feel. Everyone has their own way a processing. For me Mom was my bestfriend, I confinded in her and she in me. Now when I need someone to talk to there's no one there. I have brothers and unfortunately they are useless. I have a wonderful husband who walks around our house on egg shells most of the time.
I am taking the advice from others here one day at a time, one step at a time, and breath in and out!
My story is in here under We had plans....feel free to read and comment. Keep coming back here too, this is so very helpful.

Jun 13, 2011
Pain is unbearable
by: Dora

I know how you are feeling. I lost my Mom on April 30, 2011. Tomorrow would have been her 75th birthday. I feel like everyone else is going on with their lives while mine has come to a screeching halt. No one understands the pain of losing your Mom unless they have been there. I lost my Dad 11 years ago so I know that in time it will get easier and the memories will be happy not painful. I miss her so much every day. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Jun 12, 2011
Not alone
by: Tony

You are not alone in your grief for your mom. I lost my mom on February 1st of this year, she was 85. You have my deepest sympathy in your loss. It sounds as though grief counselling might help, I got some. I still feel horrible sometimes, but think she is at rest now. Grief is hard work, you need some hugs from a friend, mere words of expression of sorrow didn`t work, just hugs and love, no chastisement, just hugs and take each day as it comes, and each hour at your pace.

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