Need advice!

My second love seemed perfect at first, everything I had ever looked for and so much more!! He said and did all of the right things, was gorgeous and really the first man I connected with after my first love 10 years prior. It seemed he wanted all of the same things and our relationship moved pretty quickly. Little by little things started falling apart, he began telling me he was to young to have such a serious relationship..well we had our problems but I thought we could work through them. I am 29 years old and have only found love 2, I was determined to make this second love work. Most of our fights were really stupid but we did start fighting more and more when I realized he was pulling away, trying to keep his “freedom”. He would still keep in touch with a lot of women, that really bothered me and showed me he wasn’t as committed as I was. He broke up with me the first time because he wasn’t looking for a relationship and “we just happened” and he wasn’t ready for it. He came back after a week but we broke up again and stayed broken up for about 2 months. He started contacting me and saying he wanted to be with me for a long time. We had issues too, he is jewish straight from Israel (so you can imagine how important religion is to him, his family, and friends) and he is only here on a student visa which will expire soon. He always felt he was too young to be in such a serious relationship, I didn’t notice the age difference until recently (He is 25, I am 29). We started fighting again when we got back together, we are both stressed out and in big transitioning periods in our life. He broke up with me again but we did keep talking and at one point I thought we would get back together. He definitely hinted at this and I was so happy. Before we were talking again during our break-up I had sex with someone else, it was very foolish of me and it made me feel horrible. I did it to try and get over my ex, horrible reasons to sleep with someone and I regret it very much. I told my ex about it and he can’t forgive me for it. It did seem at one point he was going to forgive me but now he tells me its over, that we are not right for each other, that I have to move on. I of course, am devastated!!! He told me all of this last night and now I have to give him the space he is asking for but it is killing me..will he come back??

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Jan 24, 2012
Asked for Advice
by: judith in California

If you stepped away and re-read your letter objectively you would see the answer. No, he will probably not come back. Clue one, He tried to tell you over and over he wasn't ready. You made him feel as if he were choking. All the begging in the world won't change his mind nor should it. He wants his freedom and you must respect that and him. And all the fighting you did should have been a second clue. Yes some relationships have disagreements but to constantly fight is a sign you need to quit. Respect yourself and stop begging someone to love you. IF some one truly loves you they will be with you and let you know you are special. And one lesson you learned is that to fix problems within a relationship you don't go outside the relationship. NO ONE ever solved a thing by sleeping with someone else and it's a very immature thing to do. It's also disrespectful to your self as well. No matter what a guy says they never get over someone screwing around. Would you if the shoe were on the other foot? Seriously.

Don't be desperate to be with someone. If it was meant to be then things would flow easily between two people.

Jan 24, 2012
Tough one
by: David K

That religious issue is HUGE. Many families pressure their children to marry another Jewish lady which will always be a major issue in your relationship. He is here on a visa and it's expiring. Also you have broken up many times already. There is way better loves out there to be found. You are young. I hope you find the strength to move on and find someone special again.

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