Need help!

My mother passed away a year ago and I seem to be the only one grieving for my mom. My Dad is dating and my brother doesn't want to talk to me about anything. I feel so alone! My friends are not supporting me much anymore. I guess they're sick of me talking about it. The only one I can talk to are you guys. My mom was only 68 and her death
was so quick (five months after she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer). I journal about my feelings every day, take antidepressants (which are making me gain weight) and talk to a grief counselor. I don't know what more I can do. I miss her so much! I didn't get to say goodbye to her or tell her that I loved her because one day she was fine and the next she was in ICU and couldn't talk because she was intabated. Everyone keeps telling me that its been a year and time to move on, but I can't! I can't concentrate at work and I keep waking up in the middle of the night! I'm 41 years old and other than spending time with my son, I don't have much of a social life. I guess I inadvertently pushed people away and now I can't get them to come back. This has been the worst year of my life and I know I need to move on, but it's so hard, harder than I ever through it would be.

I need some support and guidance from your guys! I feel so hopeless!


Comments for Need help!

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Jun 26, 2011
Patience my Love
by: Tina in Chicago

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Don't judge your family members, grief is so personal. Be patient with yourself and them. Not being able to say goodbye must be very hard. But you can say it now, every day talk to her tell her how you feel. She will know. Remember who you are, you are her daughter. I know she was strong and so are you. I know she loved you and you knew it even when she did not say it. You loved her and I bet she knew it too. Friends? I don't have any anymore, but I am making new ones. Those old friends knew the old you, there is a new you developing. Sometimes people are only around for a season or a reason, we just try to make it last longer. If you can, get rid of those antidepressants, grief isn't a mental illness, we have to go through it not around it or in numbness to it. Talk to the grief counselor but the meds, if you can, let them go talk to your doctor. This site is as good a support as you make it and we all know each others' pain as we are sharing it and walking it together.

Jun 17, 2011
Need Help!
by: Tony

You need more time to grieve, telling someone to move on is so terrible to say, everyone grieves at their own pace. Just breath in and out slowly and realize that your Mom is not suffering anymore. My Mom passed away February 1st this year, not a time or event goes by that I am not thinking of her. Trust yourself and ask someone close to hug you, might help, and cry if you need! hugs, Tony

Jun 17, 2011
by: TrishJ

Everyone truly grieves in his/her own way. My son is very open with talking about his dad. My daughter rolls her eyes and sighs deeply every time I mention my husband. She doesn't want to talk about her dad but I know through friends that she is grieving for him (in her own way).
My brother passed a way 24 years ago. He was my best friend as well as my sibling. I still miss him every day. It never goes away. We just learn to live with the pain. Our lives are never the same again and we can't expect them to be. We have to adjust.
Your mom would want you to be happy. Miss her, grieve for her, but if it get's to the point that it's controlling your life you might need to find someone to talk to. It is so good to talk about your mom. I found it so comforting to talk about old times with my husband's friends for so many months. They were all very kind and understanding and that makes a big difference. You need to have someone to talk to. If your friends and family don't want to hear it find somebody who does. Don't hold it in. Let the tears fall. It may you another year to be able to move on.
Hugs and peace to you.

Jun 17, 2011
Need Help
by: Julia

Dear Need Help, I'm so sorry for your lost. I just saw your note in a blog window and it touched me. I found this site when my pet past away. He was my family and I still grieve for him. I never lost a parent, so I have no idea of your anguish but I wanted to say to you, that a year is not such a long time and it's OK to grieve, but not in torment. You didn't get to tell your Mom you loved her, but I know she knew that. I don't know anything about you or your family, but as a mom, I know she would want you to live a happy and full-filled life, that's why she gave you life. She wouldn't want you to be sick or not healthy because she has moved on from one life to another. I'm a person of faith and my faith has helped me in my loss. I don't know your beliefs, but you need somewhere to lay your burden down, because if you don't the stress will do you in. Don't focus on your Dad or brother. You mentioned a son, try to think of his future and how you want him to remember you. Time moves so quickly. Take care of yourself and I will be praying for you.

Jun 17, 2011
Need Help
by: Anonymous

Everybody grieves in their own way. My dad passed away in 1992 and I still missed him dearly every day. You do have to move on, you have a child and they depend on you honey, just like you depended on your mom, God Bless you sweetie!

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