Never felt so alone

On the 15th of November 2010 my Dad was first told he had cancer. According to the doctors we were 'lucky' it had been caught early enough. Chemo would start asap and hopefully it would take that much of a toll on him as they had found it quickly.

24 Hours later he was rushed to hospital for an emergency operation. he was is intensive care for 3 weeks and then a normal ward for another 3.

Chemo was delayed for a further 3 months. Chemo started, chemo fineshed. Round 2 start, round 3 started, round 1 of radiothraphy started, round 4 of chemo started.

3 1/2 years, 4 six month chemo sessions, 1 radiotherapy session and now we are told all that could be done has been done.

Now we are basically left waiting for him to die. That sounds so bad but its true. Each day that comes I am expecting a call to say he has died. Everyone says I should be around him all the time as who knows when he will be taken from me.

Im only 21. I look at people my age, I want to be like them, I wish I could be carefree and enjoying life to the fullest but I cant.

I want to scream and shout, I want someone to feel this pain. Why are 1 in 3 people affected by it but I have never felt so alone in all my life.

How is this fair?

I have been so incredibly lucky to have a father like I have. He has supported me through everything, always making sure I knew how loved I was by him.

He has been my best friend. I cant imagine how it will feel when I loose him, I keep trying to think about it but it hurts too much.

When I look at him now, he has lost so much weight, the drugs make him sleep all day and when he does talk its like he has smoked too much weed. I want my dad back, I want him to be able to walk me down the isle.

Comments for Never felt so alone

Click here to add your own comments

May 20, 2014
Here with you
by: SC UK

Hi, my dad passed away in March 2014 of recurrent throat cancer and I know exactly what you're going through. I'm 21, like you, and found it increasingly distressing watching my dad's health go downhill. Sometimes you've just got to let all that frustration out and have a long cry. Spend as much time with him as you can. Sending you good vibes xxxxx

Mar 25, 2014
Feeling Alone
by: Becky

My heart & prayers go out to you. I understand what you are saying when you say you feel so alone. I have that feeling on a regular basis, but my reasons for feeling alone are different from yours. I can't imagine being so young and having to watch my Dad suffer. Your Dad is lucky to have you for a daughter, you love him with all your heart, and I know he sees this & he feels it. It also sounds like he is a fighter. My Mother died 7 months ago from complications associated with leukemia. It was all so unexpected. She was eating, talking, & laughing, and the next minute she was gone. My Mother was my best friend, and I feel alone without her to guide me through life. I struggle each day without her. It is good to express your feelings and not to keep them inside. Writing how you feel will help you with this. I wrote a poem about my Mother being in heaven, that she is in a place that I can not see. This helped me a lot to acknowledge that she is alive & well even though I can not see her.
When you start to feel alone & like you are going to lose it, just write, come here & write something about your Dad or how you are feeling. Don't try to hold the tears back. I had a friend to tell me that the tears were healthy.
I will be praying for you & your Dad.

Mar 25, 2014
Hang in there
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to hear this, you are so young. I am 57 and both my parents are gone, my mother went much as your father is going, be there for him, till you cant, that will comfort you later, and him now, Hang in there, it will pass with time, some of what he was is you, it lives on, Read this whole site follow it, talk about it to your friends, maybe find a good therapist, it really can help, Hang in there.....

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!