Never felt so alone
On the 15th of November 2010 my Dad was first told he had cancer. According to the doctors we were 'lucky' it had been caught early enough. Chemo would start asap and hopefully it would take that much of a toll on him as they had found it quickly.
24 Hours later he was rushed to hospital for an emergency operation. he was is intensive care for 3 weeks and then a normal ward for another 3.
Chemo was delayed for a further 3 months. Chemo started, chemo fineshed. Round 2 start, round 3 started, round 1 of radiothraphy started, round 4 of chemo started.
3 1/2 years, 4 six month chemo sessions, 1 radiotherapy session and now we are told all that could be done has been done.
Now we are basically left waiting for him to die. That sounds so bad but its true. Each day that comes I am expecting a call to say he has died. Everyone says I should be around him all the time as who knows when he will be taken from me.
Im only 21. I look at people my age, I want to be like them, I wish I could be carefree and enjoying life to the fullest but I cant.
I want to scream and shout, I want someone to feel this pain. Why are 1 in 3 people affected by it but I have never felt so alone in all my life.
How is this fair?
I have been so incredibly lucky to have a father like I have. He has supported me through everything, always making sure I knew how loved I was by him.
He has been my best friend. I cant imagine how it will feel when I loose him, I keep trying to think about it but it hurts too much.
When I look at him now, he has lost so much weight, the drugs make him sleep all day and when he does talk its like he has smoked too much weed. I want my dad back, I want him to be able to walk me down the isle.