never got a chance.

by Jenna
(yankton south Daokta)

i was only 14 when my dad died, my parents got divorced.when i was 7 after that, i barley got to see him,because he lived in a different state. he use to abuse my my mom was scared he was gonna hurt that's why we barley saw him. anyways i was a daddy's girl,he was my best friend.but after the divorce, my cuzin,around my age she lived up in Nebraska where my dad lived, she got close to him. iv always been jealous,because they had a relationship like father and daughter like i did with him when i was little. so after he died, i felt like my dad gave all the signs that he was around to her not me. i feel unwanted and like he don't care. i know that's terrible ,but i never got the change to get close to him again. i always use to blame my mom for ruining are family. but i just wanna know why do i cry for my dad if i barley saw him.
its been almost 3 years now and i still feel like hes always around my cuzin and that family in Neb. i just don't understand.

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May 03, 2013
never got a chance
by: Doreen U.K.

Jenna I am sorry for your loss of your dad in dying and also for your Big loss of relationship with him that went to your cousin.
Divorce hurts families and leaves deep wounds in the children of that family. There are all sorts of reasons why a husband and wife can't live together and in a child's world they see things a certain way. Men are under a lot of pressure to look after their families. But there is never a reason for a man to beat his wife up or abuse to take place in that family. Your father moving to another state may have made him so lonely that he stayed close to family and so having a child around which was your cousin may have made him bond with her because he was missing you. Only you would know if this was true because if he never made any contact with you then something else was going on in his world to detach himself from you and your mom. Often the anger is against husband and wife and the children get caught up in the middle of this war, and they lose relationship with one parent, often being the parent who was absent from the child's life. You are still so young at 14yrs. to understand everything that goes wrong in the adult world. Your jealousy is natural under these circumstances. But try and not hate your cousin because she got what you didn't get from your dad. Don't hate your mom either for the divorce and why you are suffering. Try and get some grief counselling outside of school, or see a school counsellor and talk over your feelings. You won't be able to move forward unless you get some support from a counsellor. Your mom is all you have in your world. You still need nurturing and to be cared for so don't distance yourself from your mom. You only have each other. Try and establish a bond with your mom. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and that you are angry with how things are between you and your cousin. Always talk out your feeling to an Adult who will understand and give you guidance. As you grow older and mature you will see things differently. Life is what you make it. Don't hold back your future by not dealing with what is happening now. You need to resolve problems as they arise and you will have a free-er mind to cope with your studies. Otherwise you will become stuck in life and become depressed.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let jealousy, anger, and misery hold you back from reaching your potential in life. Try and build better relationships and friendships that won't limit your life but will help you grow in ways that will make your mom proud of you. Many people don't have fathers and are children of divorce. Find out if you can how they cope. Knowledge helps, so learn all you can. This will build up your self esteem and will be your springboard to success. Don't let anything in life defeat you. You will get your life back and be happy again. But it won't happen without a little effort from you to make of your life what you want it to be.

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