Never really told my Dad how much I loved him

by Vesna JUkic
(Nis, Serbia)

I lost my Dad 3 days ago after a short battle with lung failure...I'm overwhelmed by sadness because we never managed to connect on a deeper level and we didn't communicate for some time...though we cared for each other deeply but we didn't express it with words..I just thought there would be more time for the last goodbye,he passed away in sleep and he's never coming back..I just wish I had the chance to utter the last words of love to much as I showed it through my action in the last month of his life I just never told him everything I had to..nwo I'm blaming myself and grieving deeeply..Dad if you hear me know know that I always loved you just maybe didn't know how to express that..we are the same now I realize that and ask God for forgiveness and peace for your immortal soul.. Love you with all my heart...Rest in Peace:(((((((((

Comments for Never really told my Dad how much I loved him

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Jun 18, 2013
Farewell Dad
by: Doreen U.K.

Ruthie I am sorry for your loss of your Dad and for the loss of relationship with him. This does affect grief. You are carrying the normal guilt that comes with grief, and more so because of your distant relationship. Often we just get caught up with our own daily life and we don't mean to lose contact with our parents, but due to life this happens. Parents bear the greatest responsibility for relating to their children, but often due to the generation gap and parents not agreeing with their offspring we can become isolated and distant. It is a sad fact of life. Because you father has passed away you can do nothing about this. He is at peace now and you need to find your own peace by accepting that you were not able to meet his needs and he didn't meet your needs and try and find a way that will free you from the guilt of what happened. Often seeing a grief counsellor can help assist you with guilt. We all have regrets and we all make mistakes. And we all have to find a way to FORGIVE ourselves for our shortcomings. Part of our humanity. But I know how you feel. I would probably feel the same way. Because I went into counselling some years ago I resolved a lot of my losses and a lot of my issues just evaporated and so I don't suffer the guilt syndrome anymore. I do live with some regrets. But when I can do nothing about them I have to find a way to LET THEM GO. It has taken me a lifetime to learn how to do this. it is not easy. But possible. Especially if you want to find Peace.

Jun 18, 2013
Farewell Dad
by: Ruthie

My Dad passed away when I was expectant with my son 4 and half years ago. I feel guilt because apart from a few childhood memories I have of him .. we had grown apart and only managed to see him on my wedding day same year he passed away and it was like a farewell party because i never got a chance to see him, he called once with a problem and was unable to assist, before i knew it he was admitted and passed on, that was disappointing. To make it worse was unable to attend his funeral, could not travel was all swollen up my feet and hands and was due in a months time.

How does one deal with such?

May 01, 2013
Thank you for support
by: Vesna

Dear Doreen,
After reading your reply I felt like you knew me..we obviously had a similar relationship with our loved ones,and you understand what it is like to feel strong guilt mixed with grief which is what I'm going through right addition to sadness and emotional void..
I have already arranged my first therapeutic session and I hope to find relief and break the cycle of self accusation I'm going through right now..
You helped a lot..we will see where it will get me..hopefully to a place where I will come to terms with my loss and all the mixed emotions that come along..


Apr 30, 2013
Never really told my Dad how much I loved him.
by: Doreen U.K.

Vesna I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. You are not unlike many people who don't have a close relationship with their father's or a mother. If you didn't bond with your father it was probably up to him also to make the effort. But some father's don't know how or they have too many worries to deal with and it affects family life. Many reasons for not being connected with one's children.
You are suffering the guilt that comes with grief. Many of us don't get the chance to make it right with our loved one's before they die and we will suffer the agonies for some time. If you struggle you must go and see a grief counsellor. Just a few sessions and you will get your feelings in a healthier place where you will cope with your loss. A death affects us for life. I didn't get to say what I wanted to my mom before she died. I was the only daughter who was left out and didn't get to talk to her. I didn't suffer guilt because I knew I did good things for her when she was alive and I have no guilt. A lot of our acceptance also comes with age/maturity. I am sure your dad would have known you loved him. As a mother I can tell you that a parent knows deep down how their children feel even if they don't say so. Life is such that most of us take each other for granted. We are in a comfort zone with our family and so this is just a normal facet of life.

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