Never saw it coming

We were together for 27 years. We got along well. We laughed a lot still. I thought we were happy. One night, he got really drunk and told me that he had fallen in love with someone else. I simply could not process it. It was like some sort of alternate universe. I felt like a meteor had fallen out of the sky and landed on our home.

He has only known her for a few months - in fact, the truth is, he really doesn't know her at all. And yet, he has walked away from his home, his life with me. It is so shockingly out of character for him. He has never been a flirt, never been the kind of man that seemed untrustworthy. His family is just as stunned as I am, and very hurt too. I have been blessed with unbelievable support.

But now, a month and a half later, I think the shock is finally wearing off a bit. I feel foolish, vulnerable, needy, insecure, fragile. I cry every day, sometimes several times a day - starting to think that putting on makeup is just a big waste of time and effort! I cry all the way home from work and then stagger into the house and drop onto the floor and cry some more, wailing really. "Why? Why? Why did you stop loving me?" I moan over and over. Why? How can you not miss me? How can I miss you so much and you don't miss me? How can my life with you be over without any warning at all?

It's everything I can do to keep from picking up the phone and saying, "Don't you want to see me? Please come over, I'm falling apart. Come back to me. Let's pretend this never happened. Why, how did you stop loving me? How can you be with someone else and not feel strange and disoriented? How can I hurt so much when all you seem to feel for me is a vague affection and massive guilt? I want to hurt you so much, so you know what it feels like and the cruelest cut of all is that I can't hurt you because you don't care enough to be hurt by anything I do or say."

I have always wanted to believe in the good in people, in true love and that good will triumph over evil. This has rocked all those things that I hold dear. I'll make it through, I suppose, but at what cost? What kind of person will I be when I get through this?

Comments for Never saw it coming

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Jun 01, 2012
heart broken
by: Caroline

your story is so similar to mine. I have been with my husband for 28 years, (married for 20)we have a 19 year old boy & a 17 year old girl. its only been a week since I found out and I am in pieces. He has only known her for 6 months, everyone one who knows us are in total shock, we laughed together, loved together, always talked about things,(or so i thought) had a good social life, he has always been a kind, loving, gentle, thoughtful man who often told me how much he loved me. We still had a regular active sex life, But now he has moved out of our family home saying he needs to get his head straight. and that he loves me more like a sister than a wife. I am not sleeping, eating, I feel physically and mentally drained. I cry all the time, I only work part time, but I am struggling with that, I dont know how I get out of bed of a morning. I have got fantastic support from both family & friends, but I am missing him so much, he came to see me one afternoon this week, and I was on the verge of begging him to come back to me. he says he does not know what he wants, feels that life is slipping him by and is not happy with me . . .this pain is unbearable, I feel like my heart has been ripped out. how do I survive this?

Jun 01, 2012
heart broken
by: Caroline

your story is so similar to mine. I have been with my husband for 28 years, (married for 20)we have a 19 year old boy & a 17 year old girl. its only been a week since I found out and I am in pieces. He has only known her for 6 months, everyone one who knows us are in total shock, we laughed together, loved together, always talked about things,(or so i thought) had a good social life, he has always been a kind, loving, gentle, thoughtful man who often told me how much he loved me. We still had a regular active sex life, But now he has moved out of our family home saying he needs to get his head straight. and that he loves me more like a sister than a wife. I am not sleeping, eating, I feel physically and mentally drained. I cry all the time, I only work part time, but I am struggling with that, I dont know how I get out of bed of a morning. I have got fantastic support from both family & friends, but I am missing him so much, he came to see me one afternoon this week, and I was on the verge of begging him to come back to me. he says he does not know what he wants, feels that life is slipping him by and is not happy with me . . .this pain is unbearable, I feel like my heart has been ripped out. how do I survive this?

Mar 02, 2012
unreciprocated love
by: Anonymous

Oh my God! Your post explained everything I have been feeling, when I had to walk away from my marriage..not because of cheating, nothing like that..but because of neglect of our new marriage and (our deep love for each other)..on his part. After I left, if he had just called me and said, "please, lets try to work this out, maybe marriage counseling", but nothing, he shut down, our relationship and marriage up to that point..had been, wonderful, loving, sensual and sexual, our chemistry was sooo complete...but, after 3 yrs. I've never heard from him, even after I had written a few letters to him, he shut me completely out of his life, yet, I cannot move on, I still think of us and especially our intimate times, we were so much in love, please take care of yourself, I believe to an extent that time heals, but not totally..take care and be good to yourself, I hope you will find another love, and I hope I will too..lol, in the mean time, this site is very therapeutic...

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