Never saw it coming
We were together for 27 years. We got along well. We laughed a lot still. I thought we were happy. One night, he got really drunk and told me that he had fallen in love with someone else. I simply could not process it. It was like some sort of alternate universe. I felt like a meteor had fallen out of the sky and landed on our home.
He has only known her for a few months - in fact, the truth is, he really doesn't know her at all. And yet, he has walked away from his home, his life with me. It is so shockingly out of character for him. He has never been a flirt, never been the kind of man that seemed untrustworthy. His family is just as stunned as I am, and very hurt too. I have been blessed with unbelievable support.
But now, a month and a half later, I think the shock is finally wearing off a bit. I feel foolish, vulnerable, needy, insecure, fragile. I cry every day, sometimes several times a day - starting to think that putting on makeup is just a big waste of time and effort! I cry all the way home from work and then stagger into the house and drop onto the floor and cry some more, wailing really. "Why? Why? Why did you stop loving me?" I moan over and over. Why? How can you not miss me? How can I miss you so much and you don't miss me? How can my life with you be over without any warning at all?
It's everything I can do to keep from picking up the phone and saying, "Don't you want to see me? Please come over, I'm falling apart. Come back to me. Let's pretend this never happened. Why, how did you stop loving me? How can you be with someone else and not feel strange and disoriented? How can I hurt so much when all you seem to feel for me is a vague affection and massive guilt? I want to hurt you so much, so you know what it feels like and the cruelest cut of all is that I can't hurt you because you don't care enough to be hurt by anything I do or say."
I have always wanted to believe in the good in people, in true love and that good will triumph over evil. This has rocked all those things that I hold dear. I'll make it through, I suppose, but at what cost? What kind of person will I be when I get through this?