Never whole again
We lost our youngest daughter Jessica on Feb. 29, 2012. She had just had her 30th birthday. She fell ill the day after her birthday and I took her to the ER that day. She had started running a fever and had a very loose cough. They ran tests at the hospital and said she was positive for Influenza type A. They sent us home with Tamaflu and the usual instructions.
A few days later, Jessica came to my room in the middle of the night and said we needed to go to the ER again as she was having trouble breathing. I jumped out of bed and got her to the ER within 20 minutes. After a very long time of medical procedures, the Dr. told me that she had pneumonia in one lung and they were taking her up to ICU.
Once there, a Pulmonologist advised putting her on a ventilator to help her breath. The pneumonia had rapidly progressed to the other lung. Anyway, they put her under sedation, placed the vent and started multiple antibiotics.
They didn't work. She was diagnosed the next day with Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome...an aggressive infection that affects not only the lungs but all the major organs.
She died 48 hours after being taken to the hospital.
She left a husband and 5 year old little girl.
In all honestly, I'm am continuting to live only for my other daughters and my granddaughter. I can't do that to them, but dear god, I wish I could die. I'll never be whole again. I feel like I'm a wind up toy going through the motions...work, smiling, talking, and all the time, I am thinking of her. It's been 4 months. I don't know what to do. I am devastated.