New Job ~ New Life

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New Job ~ New Life

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

Christmas 2009

So I been at my new job for just about a week and I've noticed the difference in the way I feel, its like night and day, sad because I don't have Billy to come home to and say "Guess What" but all in all I feel my emotions are not pulling me apart in every direction. It's amazing how having contact with people, talking to people and just have other people walking, talking around you and saying "Hi" to you. I've got better pay (always good) 3 minutes from my home and I get home a little of 4:00. An industry that I'm familiar with, who wouldn't love that?

So ~ I went to my first support group meeting and it was so, so depressing. I mean I felt much better before I walked in and I know it's a part of a process that some people need and that's OK. But me? All I did was cry and think about the hurt these people are suffering and it took me back to everything and anything I could and did remember doing with Billy and missing it again so much. What I went through, loss and confused. It really pulled at my heart so much I couldn't speak.

So my big question is should I go back? I know I miss Billy and I always will. There will be days of longing, pain of missing and tears. Nights are and will be always be hard not having him next to me and wishing so much in my heart. I just feel that at this point, with the new job, new people and my brain finally getting to work I'm not as consumed and in despair that my last job seem put me in and surround me.
So what do I do????

I'm still working on that. Maybe I'll just coast and see where my mind and emotions take me... the option is always available if I want.
So right now ~ I'M OK, and that's where I'll leave it...
always
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year :)

Comments for
New Job ~ New Life

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Your New Job
by: Lenora ~ Alb. NM

Hi Patricia,

I'm so glad to hear that you like the new job.

Well we all have to start with small changes to help us through this process, so maybe it is a good idea to wait on the support group. Have you considered a grief counselor one on one? This seems to work for me, I meet w/ her once a week. Most times family and friends don't want to hear about my Kevin anymore.

I wish you well.

Lenora

New job new life
by: Mari

I feel that therapy comes in many forms, friends, support groups, church,a new job, whatever works for the person.

I met a lady named Isabel.She works for the car dealer that sold me my new vehicle in May.We hit it off right away. She lost her husband 3 yrs ago. We talked about how we felt and how we were doing.It is wonderful to have a friend who really understands how you feel.
Work is therapy because it gives a sense of purpose. To be a valued employee means so much.
The funeral home sent me a pastor who deals in grief. That is his specialty. So there are different ways of receiving therapy.
It has been hard on my grandchildren losing their grandpa but they know they will see him again in heaven.
As for the job , my workplace is owned by a family and they are Armenian. They treat me like one of the family.I feel like I have 2 families.So as I always say,''Life is hard but God is good.''He sends people into your life that bless you and help in the healing process.
The little great grandaughter is also a blessing.She is six months old.
I have to clean out my husband's shed. All those tools remind of the days he worked for hard for the condo assn repairing things and making the place look nice. But it is going to be hard going through all that stuff.I am not doing it alone.One of the tenants said he would help me. God does take care of the widows.
The job was a new beginning for me.I get tired sometimes because I work here too too but in both jobs I deal with people and I feel that is my calling.I miss my husband but he is always in my mind and heart.

Choice
by: Zoe

You either play intobitvorcnp
It's not for me this site is my savior
But that just me

cousin
by: Shirley

The first Compassionate Friend's meeting I went to left me exhausted with grief. I was shocked that it drained me so much. It was hard telling my story and listening to the other parents. I decided to go again the second month. I didn't feel as drained and it was a relief to be able to talk to others who understood. By the third meeting I was hooked. Although we have members come and go there is a core group that shows up every month and we've become friends. It's amazing to look across a room into someone else's eyes and see the understanding when you tell your story. They "get" it and their hugs mean so much more because of it. I hope you give it a chance....it might well be worth it. Hugs!!

What to do
by: Judy

Patricia,

Hooray to you for the new job and new view of life.

As to the support group you should do whatever feels good to you, whatever lifts you up.
Grief is so very personal, you need to do whatever works for you and makes you feel better.
Some people need the company of others and need to talk about things with others in the same place. Some just need time alone to process it and some need a combo of both. Grief support groups and some counseling did wonders for me and gave me a solid place to stand when my world got rocky.

You do whatever feels best to you.

JM

new job new life
by: Mari

I understand Patricia.I am glad you like your job and as for the support group everyone is grieving so that may be a bit hard on you at this time.I think you have done really well but those moments come upon us. It sure does not take much to bring us to tears.

As for going back, you sound unsure if you really want to. There was so much pain there. You might try not going for now and concentrate on your new job. At least people greet you and that is always nice. It sounds like a positive environment. That may be just what you need. And I feel that you will know if you need to go to the support group. It just might be that the new job will be your support.

Patricia, I started my new job 5 months ago. It is 1 yr and 8 months ago today since my husband went to be with the Lord. When I started the job I remember how awful I felt, how sad still. But the job is much like yours, nice employees and a very caring boss. She asked me if she was paying me enough and was I doing ok? I said,''Not only are you paying me enough but you are a big part of the reason I am starting to be happy again'' So I can say that a job can be good therapy. Just do what your heart tells you to do. A little laughter goes a long way. I still cry at times. I have to clean out my husband's storage shed, too many memories. I miss him very much.But it is a gradual process, this grieving. It comes and goes. I kind of think working is good for you and I both. As long as you feel valued and enjoy the work, it is a real plus for the healing process. Take care and keep posting. God bless you.

"New Job"
by: Donna

Patricia, congratulations on your new job & the positive effect it has had on your thoughts and life. As for the support group, I don't think these groups are for everyone. I do better speaking with close friends or family who knew Bobby & how special he was than I ever would speaking with a support group. This site and another grief site that I have found have helped alot too. Do whatever you feel is best for you on this journey of grief.

I Went Back
by: TrishJ

The first support meeting I went to I almost didn't go back. The lady to my right sat and cried the entire meeting....which got me crying. I cried all the way home and most of that evening. I woke up the next morning and said...."I don't need that BS." I don't even know what made me go back the next week. I was very glad I did. As the weeks went by and I saw all the progress everyone was making it was very uplifting. The meetings are over now and I see myself back sliding into a very bad depression that seems to get worse every day. You had to do what is right for you. If the meetings make you feel uncomfortable skip it next week and see how you feel the following week.

I'm so happy about your job. I have to start the search in a few months. I just don't feel ready right how. We all need to be round good people. It's so refreshing to see how you are progressing. Keep up the good work.
PJ

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New Job ~ New Life