New Year

by Juanita

I lost my husband 10/30/2010 to homicide. I find myself a single mom after over 19 years of marriage. I totally agree this is not a "Happy" New Year. I haven't had the courage yet to even throw away last year's calenders. I put them in my husband's closet. I just couldn't get rid of them. It felt like I was getting rid of him. I spend most days just getting through that day. It's about all the emotional strength I have. I pray daily just to get through today and please help me to not screw up my son. Thanks for letting me jot my thoughts.

Comments for New Year

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Jan 03, 2011
New year
by: Mari

I agree that the new year was not a happy one. What happened is that while at church I noticed so many couples and I suddenly felt alone. One of the sisters said, ''Next time just realize you are not alone, Jesus is right beside you.''
It was such a sad year and all the holidays were the worst.

I care for all of you on this board and my heart goes out to you knowing what you are feeling.
Last night at church during the praise and worship I felt a calm peaceful feeling of God's presence. It filled my being. I tried not to cry but that is why they have all that tissue there.

It was such a beautiful feeling knowing God loves me and was letting me know and comforting me.
I am thankful for our years together. We were so different and yet we were so right together. I think I can make it with God's help.
This board is a great comfort. I care for all of you. Mari

Jan 03, 2011
New Year
by: Donna

Juanita please come to this site as often as you need, it has a lot of wonderful people that understand the pain (both emotionally and physically). I too am having a hard time going through Bryan's things. I have been told not to worry about doing it right now that when I am ready I will know. Until then everything will remain as it (was) is.

It is a long, very hard journey that we have in front of us and some (most for now) days seem to be unbearable. But I put my trust in the lord and in Bryan. I know that God has made Bryan mine and my girls (and grand kids) guardian angel. Just believe that our loved ones are with us each and every day and try and draw strength from that. Also our children are stronger than we give them credit for. My daughters are 20 and 21 and I could not make this difficult journey without them.

I don't know how old your son is but if he is old enough let him help you through this. My girls and I are much closer than we have ever been before. I wish we could have been this close when Bryan was still here with us. Again, please visit this site as often as you feel necessary, even if it is to just read other peoples post. When it gets the most unbearable remember one breath, one step.

Jan 03, 2011
No Happy New Year 4 Me
by: Pat J

I too (like you) am frightened to face 2011 without my husband. My husband was waiting for a heart transplant and God had other plans for him. I can't even imagine what you are going through to lose your spouse to homicide. There has to be intense anger mixed in with the grief. In my husband's case I know the doctor's who cared for him did everything humanly possible to save him and still the pain cuts very deep. I feel like I'm just existing........getting through each day the best I can.

I was completely numb through the holidays. It's all a blur to me. I smiled for the cameras but everyone says you can see the pain in my eyes. I find great comfort in this web site and I think writing your feelings really helps. I don't know where I would be right now without my faith in God and the knowledge that I will see my husband again. I pray daily for strength and release from this pain. It's not coming fast enough for me. I know God listens and we just have to be patient. Just know you aren't alone in your grief.

Jan 03, 2011
One step...One Breath at a time


Please come here and write your thoughts as often as you like. I can tell you that it helps a great deal. If I did not have this site I would have lost my mind. Friends disappear after a few months, they are uncomfortable with grief. But the great people here will always listen and try to help you through the toughest journey that you will ever make.

Our motto here is one breath one step at a time.
Really that is all that you can do. Keep reading you will find that you are not alone. Though grief is very personal and effects us all differently you will see that we all have a lot of feelings in common.
Hope to hear from you again...

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