Newley separated

by Lisa
(Alberta, Canada )

I'm currently separated 5 weeks from my husband. He lost his job a month ago due to failing a drug test. Just 3 months prior he had been in treatment and I stayed and provided emotional support.
I was devastated to learn he was using again and at the loss of his job. We didn't speak for 4 days. then one day I came home to find his wedding ring on the counter and a empty bottle of vodka.
I was sick with pneumonia at the time so I didn't freak out I was so ill. The next day I drove my kids to school and on my way home I met him driving in. He looked so scared. I knew he likely went to get drugs. And I felt that he may have been with another woman as I found receipt for dinner the night before. I was so angry I broke stuff and scratched his car. I told him to get out.
He made up a Facebook account and was trying to add all my friends, I blocked him and changed my number. We hadn't spoke. He professed his love for me through a friend.
9 days later he posts a picture of him and his new girlfriend kissing in our fifth wheel trailer. It felt like a kick in the stomach. His relationship status changed to "in a relationship".
I was so hurt. I stood by him during his cocaine addiction and did everything I could to keep him happy. Yes I kicked him out because I felt I couldn't take anymore lies and cheating. He had a secret life I wasn't part of. Now he won't help with any bills, I do have a job but not enough to keep up the lifestyle we were accustomed to. He's cheated several times in person and online.
My self esteem is crap. I have 2 autistic children that I love but drive me crazy. Yet he's moving on and enjoying his time. God I don't know how to feel.

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Jun 09, 2014
Newly separated
by: Doreen UK

Lisa this is such a heavy burden on you. First pneumonia and having to take the children to school when feeling so ill. then you have 2 autistic children who will be a handful. It never ceases to amaze me how many men engage in drugs and illicit affairs and escape their responsibilities to their wives and children. You also have the difficulty of finances. You cannot continue the same lifestyle. You need to put a plan in place to downsize your living and make life easier for yourself. You also need to put some support in place for yourself so that you don't become emotionally drained from having too much on your place to cope with. So you had an outburst of anger. I am not surprised. You have had your world turned upside down. You have children to consider. You will feel as if your back is against the wall and don't know where to start to sort it all out. You need support. You can't take on this whole problem all by yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work and if your partner is behaving badly then you had no option but to ask him to leave. I am sure you would have talked to him and tried to find out where his priorities lay. But by telling him to leave you found out that his priorities did not lie with you and his children otherwise he would have fought his territory. I am sorry for the immense struggles you are facing now and in the weeks/months to come. Take one day at a time to sort some of these issues out. Find strength from women just like you who are in the same situation so that you can support each other and feel less alone.

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