Nick & deb

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Nick & deb

by Nick levene
(United kingdom)

My wife deb and I didn't ask for much we were happy you know, then on July 1st she rang me saying she was coming home from work early because she had a bad leg and couldn't put her weight on it. I was at work on my last day at my job and I said I will come home to look after her she said no say bye to your friends. The next day was worse and she had a fever so I took her to the hospital.

They were baffled for about 3 hours then they diagnosed necrotising fasciitus the flesh eating bug. She went for an operation and her last words were I'm up for this look at me I love you see you later ok?

She went to Icu and despite the doctors saying all could go ok she died in my arms 2 hours later at 5am Sunday July 3rd. We have a 5 1/2 year old daughter Samantha who has been great. Me I'm lonely lost tired of being lonely and lost not sure what's right anymore and the pain is unbearable. I've looked at afterlife books to convince myself she's waiting but the pain is huge. What do I do how do I go on I know I have to but oh my lord how? My girl needs me but The best way to support Samantha is for me to be happy but how? Deb was 48 I'm 44 has anyone had this if so please help because I love deb so dearly my life feels empty.

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Nick & deb

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2 months on
by: Nick

It's been 2 months now and I make mistake after mistake. At first I was desperate to recreate what we had, but all I can think of is what I've lost. My little girl has been so strong, but I feel so lost. To be able to deal with it all I've been hiding my sadness. I imagine I see deb every day, I hear her voice and now I feel like the 2 of us have become one. My heart is broken and no one else is deb, warm kind unconditional loving deb,
Am I wrong in trying to rebuild quick, because the harder I try the worst I feel?

Nick

Thank you
by: Nick

Thanks for the comments. I know I have to continue But how because all I want is her. I let every day take me where it wants me to go. If there is justice in the world ( her infection hit 3 in every 100,000) I deserve to be able to go to her knowing she is there when the time is right. I am thinking if the option of marrying again when I am ready may well help for sure. But it is such a long journey and one I didn't want to have to travel but let's try. I am only 44 and the love of my life is dead. It's been 6 weeks so it's still early. I just want hope that I will see her again and that for the remainder of my time here I can be happy.

Nick and Deb.....
by:

Nick,

I am so very glad that you found this site early on in your grief. I was fortunate enough to find it one month in. Reading other peoples pain helped me to know that I was not alone in my feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Later and I can not tell you when you will reach out to others in their grief it helps. No I take that back, I notice that men do not stay here long I think they want a quick fix and there is none for grief. I would guess that they work Work Hard DOING Doing doing to bury their feelings because it is "Un-Manly" to feel the feelings that grief brings.

So a brief answer what to do? How to handle grief?

Let grief guide you and try to make it moment by moment. Go easy on yourself and allow yourself these feelings that we must all work through. There is no way around grief. I tried to work Work Hard! Allow physical labor to vent some of the frustration and anger. It did help some of those helpless feelings early in grief.

We all manage through grief as impossible as it seems. Eventually we begin a new life that is so very hard to grasp. Almost as hard as grief itself. Please come here often if only to read. And know that we are here always to catch you when you fall.
HH

A Sure Thing
by: Geoffrey Campbell

Nick, I use to have doubt, but one day I was called to a staff meeting. A crippled patient that couldn't even walk, who had the most terrible pain I had ever witnessed, gave the talk to our staff. She told us that our hydrotherapist, (Kris Clark) prayed on her knees before beginning the patients therapy. The patient told us that an angel appeared, and though there are alot more details, this womans chronic disease was totally healed. If you need more information just send an email or ask. Two days later I talked to this woman personally. Now I know, I mean I really know, and will never doubt again the existence of God. Now Nick, since we know that there is most definitely a loving God, then we know for a surety that there is hope beyond what we see here in this life, to see our precious loved ones. I am an honest person Nick, and I would not try to comfort you with a fictitious story, what I share with you here is the honest truth, an experience I had while working at Living Springs in 1982. Sincerely, your friend in Scranton Pennsylvania, USA

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Nick & deb

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