Night Night Daddy

by Jenny
(Northern Ireland)

My dear dad passed away on 13th October 2012 from pancreatic cancer. He had went into the hospital with loss of appetite and vomitting on 31st August 2012 and we were told it was pneumonia, which wasn't responding to IV antibiotics. He was very ill throughout the 6 wks, had numerous test and investigations, but it was only 3 days before he died that they done an ultrasound abdomen, which showed a tumour on his pancreas. We were told the results the day before he died, when he had deteriorated terribly. My mum, sister and I were all with him when he passed. But we feel so guilty that we were encouraging him to eat and drink when he was dying of cancer. And angry that he recieved no palliative care or medication, even though we saw his consultant weekly and kept sayin how we felt he was dying/palliative they kept saying no. I miss my dad terribly, I feel so guilty I hadnt seen him more in August before he was admitted. Think I should have done more. He was my best friend, a humble man, an unassuming man. I cant imagine my world without him. My comfort comes from the fact that he is with my brother now, he died when he was 16 in an accident. He has found peace, no more suffering. Eternal rest daddy. I love you, Jen x

Comments for Night Night Daddy

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Oct 26, 2012
my daddy went the same way i feel ur pain
by: misty

It was may 15 2011 and my mother inlaw died in her sleep due to alcoholism two days later may 17 my grandma passed in her sleep had hart problems but her death came out of the blue I witnessed both of there bodies both of them very close to me exactly a month after my grandma died my aunt that was like my mother commited suicide she had manic depression two months later my grandfather that had been on dialisis wanted to stop the treatments after lossing his wife and youngest child he wanted to give up I watched him go thew letting go.After that witch was august2011 my uncle was found in my grandparents bacement he had also commited suicide. As I thought it had to all be over April 3 2012 my fathers 60th birthday i had got a phone call from my father crying and my dad never cried he said to me baby im dieing I have lung cancer I need you to come and be with me he had just retired and moved to north carolina I emidiatly got a bus ticket for my 3 year old and I when we arived my dad was skin an bones i took him to the doctor the next day to get all his lab work back as my child and I waited in the waiting room my father came out with the doctor it was to late the cancer had spread to his brain and though out his body terminal, they gave him 4-6 weeks to live at this point I was numb tring to stay stong being 27 years old and having to be strong for my daddy and my little girl I took care of him by myself witch was hard exspecialy when he started forgeting my name for I never knew anyone with cancer my father lasted a month longer than the doctors said he would he passed away July 5 2012 now I feel lost depression to the fullest extent my daughter has no grandparents nor aunts or uncles and as of latly crys for my dad and i have to hold the tears back and let her know there all in a better place called heaven.If anyone has any advice for me please comment

thank you Misty Dawn

Oct 26, 2012
Thanks for sharing your story Doreen
by: Jenny

Thank you Doreen. I am so sorry to hear of your husbands passing from this awful disease. I think if my dad had of passed away from pneumonia, as we had prepared ourselves for, it would be less horrendous. Its knowing in hindsight how he may have been suffering, unable to communicate for 6 wks. Many many times he rubbed his stomach and moaned or frowned. He should have had his IV fluids taken down and a syringe driver put in place. The past cant be changed, but it is difficult to get our head around it. The lifetime of beautiful memories can never be taken away or tainted, they stay always. Thank you x

Oct 24, 2012
Night Night Daddy
by: Doreen UK

Jenny I am so very sorry for your loss of your Daddy from sudden cancer. What a shock of a sudden death.
You say that you feel guilty for forcing your father to eat. This is normal. You didn't know the facts then.
I did know my husband was dying of cancer for over 3yrs. and I did make him eat. I cried if he didn't eat. He was fading away before my eyes. I had to do something. In the last week he couldn't eat. He was on Palliative care which was not consistent. Steve was told he would see his macmillan nurse in 2 weeks and it turned into 2 months. I was going to let my MP know of our struggles and then the community nurse had a word then the care came through but sparse due to funding issues. My husband wanted to die at home and Palliative care wanted Steve to go into the hospice. I made sure that Steve's wishes were respected to the end.
This macmillan nurse wanted to take Steve off the steroids (to give him an appetite) and I put him back on them so that he could eat a Christmas dinner last year which was his last one. Steve died 5 months ago from his cancer. I guess Palliative Care do a good job but in certain instances there is a funding crisis and that is the time you know whether your care is working for you or against you.

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