by Shelbie
(Indiana )

My name is shelbie, im 17 years old. I live In indiana. My grandmother, we call her Nina, had a stroke when I was about 5. I have one memory of her before the stroke. I don't know how old I was but I Remember going to their house with my mom dad and two brothers. All I Remember is playing with toys there but I remember seeing her too. She had dark hair then. Now it's all gray. Even though it was only 12 years, she has changed so much in appearance. You see she survived her stroke but lost parts of her memory slightly. One of the first memories I have of seeing her after she had the stroke was going to the hospital to see her. Either my mom or dad told me if I sang my ABC's to her, she'd feel better. So I sang my ABC's. I remember hearing a sigh of relief, I think. I hope. I felt like i cured her. Maybe I did, I'm 17 now, I believe I was 5 then. But I'm not positive. Maybe me singing my ABC's helped her stay alive for 12 years. Or maybe it was her faith. Anyway, in 2005, my papaw Paul died of esophagus cancer. I remember the day if happened. I got a note in school saying I would be getting picked up. Of course I was excited because I hated the bus. I got into my dad's car and he said. Do you know where papaw Paul is now? He's In heaven. I didn't exactly understand but I really loved my papaw Paul. He always called me strawberry and pudding and he let me sit on his lap. He still loved my Nina so much even after she lost her memory. My Nina lived with my papaw Paul even after the stroke, I remember walking into to their house, seeing papaw in his exercise clothes, all sweaty and my Nina would be lying in bed cause she couldn't do much. Well after my papaw Paul died, my Nina had to live in a nursing home. She got kicked out of some because she would punch the nurses sometimes, i remember visiting countless nursing homes, meeting so many of her roommates, watching her eat in dozens of different cafeterias on Christmas, thanksgiving and Mother's Day. But this one nursing home, she had a roommate who was totally crazy, she would get up and say "we gotta go now! They're gonna get us!" She scared me but it was always okay. Nina had outlived countless of her roommates. I remember this one roommate, her name was ruby, Nina always called her ruby Tuesday it always made me laugh. This part makes me cry but I have to get it out, one day my Nina was asking where her husband, Paul, was. As you know, Paul died in 2005. So this was very sad to hear her say. She kept asking where he was and we'd say he's in heaven Nina and she never believed us. Poor thing. I felt so bad. One time, Nina had to stay in a nut house. Everyone thought she was crazy, no. She was being Nina. I remember visiting the nut house with my dad and brother, jake. They had her in a room with a big steel door, it was so odd. This story is my favorite. One Christmas Nina was feeling very jolly and was singing Christmas jingles, but she added her own twists. She sang jingle BALLS jingle BALLS! With a huge grin on her face. That was the last Christmas I remember seeing her so cheery. Now a days we have to keep bugging her to say one word, usually it's quit dammit. But it gets us laughing so it's Okay. If you know my Nina, you'd know she loves chocolate. Every holiday, my dad buys her a box of chocolate and she always eats it, Nina is the best person I know and I love her so much. And my papaw Paul too. I miss him so much and sometimes I'll think about him and his tape he made of him telling a bible story. On the way home from his funeral we played the tape of him telling the stories. My dad was crying. Now, my dad is 6'5 and 310 lbs, he shouldn't cry, but he did. Cause it was his father. I felt like crying too but I didn't really understand. I always thought my Nina would live forever and always outlive all her roommates but today, October 5, 2013. I found out she might only last 1 more week. After 12 years of this, she's gonna go, I'm definitely not ready to let go but she needs to, she's in so much pain and I can see it. I'll defiantly miss her when she goes and I really hope she lasts longer than a week. She's not dead but I'm still siting in my room bawling over just thinking about it. So I really needed to vent somewhere. So I googled "losing your grandmother" and now I'm here. So thank you and if anyone reads this, I hope you smiled at all my good memories and I hope you have great ones you can share too, well for now I'm done, I just pray Nina will be safe in heaven.

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Oct 06, 2013
by: Penni

I am so sorry Shelbie, for the loss of your Papaw and your Nina. I hope your wonderful memories of both help you through your grief. From what you have written, you were a wonderful Granddaughter and I bet a joy to your Grandparents. Take care.

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