I don't want to do this anymore. I am 10 weeks into this he'll!!! I have had enough of the pain and heartache. Will it never end? I miss my husband so much and Christmas is just too painful? My husband, John , loved this time of year. It is just too painful. I know no- one can take away the pain but I can't take any more. Why are we left with all this. There is a saying that everything happens for a reason but I will be damned if I know why we are inflicted with so much pain after a loss. I loved him from the first moment we met 35 years ago. We had a wonderful life, sure it was filled with some hard times but most of the time we worked together and got through it and just when we have put in all the hard work and have a comfortable life, this hits. We were looking forward to enjoying the fruit of our hard labour. John was just 56 and now at 54 I am alone. Can someone answer me why?.......