I have tried to pick up the pieces after the unexpected death of my mum weeks ago.

I do not have family, children or friends who understand. She lived a long life they tell me. Yes but THAT DOES NOT STOP ME MISSING HER SHE WAS MY MUM.

We both had unhappy experiences with men. Her father was a compulsive gambler and my father lost the family home - my husband left me when his business took off so we both clung together and understood each others insecurities.

The last few years of her life she was in so much pain but always reassured me and told me not to worry. Maybe thats why when I come into an empty house I still cry and feel shocked she is not there.

Why does no one understand the depth of my love for? I dont want their sympathy but get fed up with patrionising words when my heart is broken. Thank you for listening to me.


Click here to add your own comments

Nov 19, 2012
Me too
by: Carmie

I too am so angry! My Mom and I grew up together, 15 years apart. My Dad died eight years ago, left my mom broke and homeless. I was able to help, we pulled together and made things work. She was healthy and spry, washed her car by hand the morning of her death. I was out of state at a college football game. My nephew was at her house, she went to rest and never woke. I am still on shock, I have shut down. I have been cleaning out her house... A little at a time. When I leave there I can not over come the anger at everyone thinking I should be happy go lucky, preparing for the holidays. I am not going to celebrate at all. Me and mom did all decorating, shopping and baking together! I am so sad, cry all the time, shut down and angry!! What are we to do????

Sep 11, 2012
You are not alone
by: Trudy-Q

I am struggling with the loss of my precious mom - she was 96, had been ill for about 9 months, and passed away on Aug. 11, 2012. I miss her incredibly. I think I am still in shock that this could've even happened even though I thought I was "prepared." I don't know how to even begin to sort out my feelings. Be kind and gentle and patient with yourself as best you can. Take all the time you need no matter what anyone else says or implies directly or indirectly. You are not alone. God bless.

Sep 10, 2012
no morning smiles
by: silver

I read your story and the 2 comments posted so far. I have to say I agree with it all. There's an old saying that goes when you lose your father you lose a part of your heart but when you lose your mother you lose a part of your soul. Now although this thought is not quite true it definitely feels like it. When I worked I had people telling me,"Do you know how lucky you are that you still have your parents around and you are 60?" Well that was true.My dad and mother died within 7 months of each other in Dec,09 and June,10.No one could have known that would happen.Like you I got the usual platitudes meant to help.They've gone to heaven.You'll see them again. They're not hurting now. They're at peace now. and It will get better.Nothing helped at the time.It has been almost 3 yrs now for dad and 2 for mom. It does not get better but it does get easier to handle.When my husband died,my oldest son said to me one day,"how long are you going to make dad suffer" He was grieving too and although he didn't understand he hurt me with that comment. My husband was in ICU and on a respirator.The staff said he was not hurting.I have a new respect for those who have to sign a DO NOT REVIVE statement and later have to tell the staff to turn off the machines.PLEASE try not to let others comments make you feel bad. Grief takes time and it is different for all.GOD BLESS you and comfort you

Sep 10, 2012
No Morning Smiles and Good night cuddles
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Lonely Daughter just some added comments. Because of the difficulties you and your mother experienced with the men in your life gave you a stronger bond and a closeness that will affect you more now she has died. People won't understand this the way you see it, because you have the memories they don't have. People will always have carping comments that just don't help but compound your pain. I have found this so more after the funeral. But we all do need understanding and supportive people around us at our time of grief as it does help our journey better.
We don't always need sympathy but EMPATHY and this is what is lacking. You will receive EMPATHY here on this website because we all know what you are going through and can support you and how you feel about insensitive people. You will become frustrated if you try to get people to understand how much you loved your mother. THEY WON'T. Every person has different memories. Many people have told you that your mother had reached a good age before she died. This is not helpful. It does help us in our grief if our loved ones reached an age where death is expected, but it in no way detracts from our grief and loss of that loved one. We will still grieve and still cry, and still feel the lonliness and emptiness. My father is 91yrs. and when he dies I will cry and grieve. I hope that life will get better for you in the days ahead and give you Peace.

Sep 09, 2012
Prayers for lonely daughter
by: Linn

I am so sorry for your great loss. Sometimes people say the most hurtful things to family members after the death of a loved one. I believe that is because they don't know what to say and just feel they must say something. I know how horrible lonely and sad I was when my mother died. It was the most pain I have felt in my life. I would like to say just the right thing to comfort you, but know that words alone bring little comfort. I hope you are a christian, because I know that is what got me through the rough times when I would just break down somewhere, like the store and start crying and have to leave. God comforted me during those times and now I have the memory of my sweet mother with me. The love that you feel for your mother will never die and you will find that after a while you will start to feel like she is with you and her love will never leave you. I am praying for you and also would like to encourage you to write about your mother in a journal and tell her how much you loved her. It was another thing that helped me to cope and it seemed to bring me comfort. May God bless you during this journey.

Sep 09, 2012
You Miss Your Mum
by: Ella in Texas

Good Morning Sweetheart

I deeply understand your sorrow and pain. I mother died four months 9/8 and when I walk into the house and she is not in her room, I just literally cry till I am physically sick. I have experience friends telling me to move on with my life. Everybody is planning my future, do this, so that. Sweetheart, I have learned to ignore they, they mean well but they are clueless to how I feel and you as well. Grief is something that only time will cure, even with time, the pain will always be there. Over time, we somehow manager to store the time in a scarite place within our hearts. You will never forget your mum, nor can any human enity replace the love and experiences you share with your mum. Always cherish the memories, the joy, and the pain you all shared. Perhaps you may want to build a memory garden (I am) or have a special place in the house that is most meaningful for you and your mum. I attended a support group at a local church in my community; that was extremely supportive. I was able to talk about my feelings and I felt supported; no down playing of my emotions, love, caring, embracing.
I will you well and I will pray for you......Remember you are not alone.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!