No One Knows
by Susan
After several months of unhappiness and the death of my girl friends Grandfather things fell apart. My Girlfriend and their kids went "home" to visit in July, my girlfriend never came back, she stayed to take care of her Grandfather. This left me alone to take care of all 4 kids with very little help from my boyfriend because he worked 60+ hours a week. I had just started a temp job that was causing me to work long hours as well. However I was left with all the responsibility for children, and home as well as all the financial responsibility. The atmosphere in the home was horrible while she was gone. My Girlfriend would not communicate with me and my boyfriend was more and more distant. Yes we had amazing sex but I know something was going on. When my Girlfriend finally came home it was obvious that things had changed dramatically. Both my former Girlfriend and Boyfriend were distant and cruel to me. My Girlfriend had never told her Mother about me and after going home it was obvious she didn't want this relationship anymore and her Grandfather had left his home to her in her "home" town. We had the traditional break-up talk, which they had obviously practiced. They moved out 2.5 weeks later and moved back to her hometown. I haven't heard from them since they left. Very few people knew about our relationship and true to form those that knew won't speak with me because they were friends of the couple or my ex-girlfriend I was just the +1. I lost all my friends and my lovers at the same time. My next door neighbor knew about us but she runs away from me as fast as she can. The problem is that I am grieving for my ex-boyfriend in a way I didn't expect. I thought that he and I had a very strong connection, my girlfriend was harder because she would hide her true self until she acted out negatively to me. I don't miss her crap. But I guess I fell in love with her husband to a point I didn't understand until they left. How stupid is it to fall in love with another woman's husband. I never expected he would stay with me but I never expected to grieve like this for him. It has been 6 weeks and I'm a mess. I can't even talk to my sister because she is wanting me to get over this. This break-up has been like a death to me. I will never see him again, and he will never try to contact me again. Sometimes I go on facebook to look at their pages. They haven't unfriended me because they have painted me as the bad guy in all of this. It was easy for them to hate me and cling to each other. No one can understand my grief or even really know about it. The relationship I was in was not mainstream, thus I don't talk about it to people. The people I knew are gone and my social ties are gone. I feel very alone and lonely. I loved this man so much and I don't think I will ever get over him. My mother and father are gone, my family lives far away and I don't have any friends where I live. Why do I grieve for him like this? |
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