No one there for me

by Yvonne
(California)

As I sit here after nine months missing Roger more than the day he died, I realize there is no one on this earth who will miss me as much when I die. There will be no one who loved me as much as I love him and will always love him. In a way it might be a good thing because this pain is so terrible I would wish it on no one. But there is also no on there who loves me now. The man who understood my moods and who loved me in spite of them, is gone. There is no one to turn to. No one to help me through this journey called life. No one to be my side. The loneliness is so overwhelming it is unbearable.

Comments for No one there for me

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Jun 02, 2012
you are lucky
by: Anonymous

No one has EVER been there for me. You are lucky you had what you did. I will always be alone...

May 02, 2011
no one there for me
by: Donna

Yvonne, I know exactly how you feel, I feel the same way. I am also glad that no one could ever love me as much as I love him. Your so right the pain, the missing part of you (me), the loneliness is so unbearable. It was nine months 4-23-11, most of the time I miss him more today than I did nine months ago. I guess because I am out of my numbness stage and into the reality that he is gone and not ever coming back. But I go on each day one step one breath one day at a time much peace and hugs

May 02, 2011
No one there
by: Joss

Yvonne,

I know how hard it is to lose a loved one, I lost my beloved husband and best friend 3 months ago, we would have been married 40 years come July. I went through hell and still have some rough days; I was seeing a counselor it helped a little but when I came on this website about a month ago, things changed for me as I realized that I was not the only going through this and this website did more for than my counselor did for 2 months. You are not alone, one God is with you but second your loved one is always with you, I feel my husband's presence around me all the time. Passover and Easter were rough as my husband loved it when I made briskets, and he could put the food away, now I don't cook. As life would have it, I just got another blow when my cousin who had sent me this website died last Friday of cancer just like my husband. Three months ago he was at my husband;s funeral and now I will have to go to his. Here are a few things you can, start a scrapbook about you and your husband's life and you will remember all the things that you did together; I have been working in my yard and planting flowers, my husband loved to look at our yard and loved to take pictures of lowers and wildlife in our back yard; I do all of this in his memory and I can see him smiling. I have a daughter and grand kids who live within 15 minutes from my house and you know what very seldom are they here, my daughter has been here once since her father died, they can't deal with the fact that my husband died at home where he wanted to die, so I am pretty much alone. I have a full time job and am very involved in my township and that's what keeps me going, keep busy but also know that all of us are here for you. It's going to be a long journey but we will make it. I talk to my husband picture everyday.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and I care.

May 01, 2011
No one there for me
by: Anonymous

Yvonne,
My husband has been gone 4 months and I have had the same thoughts.
We had been together since high school, married for 31 years and had no children.
My husband was the only person that could read my body language or a look and knew exactly what I was thinking. I was able to read him also. After all those years together we were in sync so often it is amazing when I think about it. There were so many times that we called each other on the phone at exactly the same time and would end up getting each other's voice mail. Or we would sit down for dinner and he would start talking about something that I was just going to mention to him. With a look or a touch he could change my mood, make me feel better and encourage me.
I don't ever expect that anyone will ever know me that well again.
But just think how blessed we were to have had such a relationship...someone that loved us and cared about us regardless of our faults & that we trusted and loved with all our heart.
I wish you peaceful thoughts through this awful journey. xoxo

May 01, 2011
No one here either
by: M Mack

Yvonne,

It is important that you realize that you are not the only one feeling like this. Many who come to this site are in despair, lonely and have nobody to understand what they feel. I for one am still very sad and upside down in my grief process at nine months as well. Nine months isn't really a long time when you've had years of being with your loved one.

As a matter of fact, the 23rd day of every month I relive the moments leading up to the way I found his dead body. He died alone and that is what drives me crazy. Why didnt I know he needed my help that day. He would never want me to worry so he didn't tell me he was so sick. Why did I think it could wait until I got home from work? So many unanswered questions......what was I thinking. The grim reaper doesn't wait for you to finish up on the job. When it's time that's it!

We are left as the survivors because we are the stronger of the two. Our experience as the survivor makes us reflect upon who we were, what we are now and who we will be years from now. Don't think you will not be missed Yvonne. Even if you can't name one person today, there will be someone tomorrow. It's part of the cycle and the one thing we do not get to choose. We're here for support and sending you my best.

Apr 30, 2011
No one there for me
by: Anonymous

I know!!!!!

Apr 30, 2011
No Love For Us
by: TrishJ

I was 19 when I met my husband. We were married for 37 1/2 ~ together for almost 39 years. It took a lot of years to figure each other out. I love that he could look at me and know exactly what I was thinking. All I had to do was see his eyes to know if he really liked something. We spent the first 10 years of our marriage fighting a lot ~ getting to know and trust each other. We spent the next 10 years working way too hard ~ building up our business. We spent that next 10 years letting go of our children and readjusting to it being just the two of us again. Then, illness struck. I am only 58 and I just can't stand the thought of starting a relationship with another man. Would it really take until I'm almost 90 to figure the next one out? The thought of another man panics me to my core. I can't even imagine that right now. I miss Joe so much it makes me nauseated sometimes. I'm just starting to make a little bit of progress~more good days than bad ~ still a lot of bad days. As I watched the Royal Wedding yesterday I thought about my own daughter getting married this fall without her dad here to walk her down the aisle. I can't think about that for too long~my breathing becomes labored if I do and total anxiety takes over.
We'll get through this Yvonne. I wish I lived in California. I'd invite you to dinner so we could vent to each other.
Peace and Joy ~ we have to find it where we can.
PJ

Apr 30, 2011
no one there for me
by: jules

Yvonne - I have had those same feelings - who is there, just for me, my soul mate is gone, no-one else knows me like he did, no one else cared for me like he did - but I go on, I have a lot to live for, and I have my memories, recently I have been going through some old photos, and I have laughed and remembered the wonderful and full life we had together for over 40 years.
Live for the day, and every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Apr 30, 2011
No one there
by: Judy

Yvonne,

Your words brought back to me the awful pain and loneliness I felt at about the same point. I can remember posting my feelings that I was utterly alone and no one loved me. I know now that is not true but the love we are missing, the one person who can soothe me over, calm me down, strengthen me with his touch and make me laugh even when I'm down or mad, he is gone. And the loneliness is almost unbearable.

I know no one will ever love me like Barry did, and I know I will always love him. Although you may not believe it at this point, in time the the pain will soften and the sadness recede a little. This doesn't mean I miss Barry less, just that I am moving along on the inevitable path of living. You will also. Believe that.

As for loneliness, I have no answer except to keep living each day and be open to new experiences. I have rediscovered girlfriends. I am trying to do household things I've never done before. I am becoming accustomed to living alone and have discovered to my surprise that I kinda like it. What I am finding is that the person who is always there now is me.

Although we are a poor substitute for Roger, we are always here.

Hang on.

JM

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