I lost my husband John on 10/9/2012. He was only 68. Way too early to die.He was leaving to go buy lotto tickets. I was up stairs and he yell from basement that he was leaving to go get lotto tickets and I yelled back ok. Those were the last words I said to him. I found him dead on the floor within 5minutes . I did CPR till the ambulance came but knew in my heart he was gone. I have cried everyday for him . We were married for 46 years. I have no purpose in life now. My daughters are grown adults with a busy life and we have one granddaughter that is 17 and is doing her thing. I am alone all day. Cannot leave house. Have anxiety attacks when I go out. I miss him so much. We always did things around the house together. There are times I hate this house and times I feel close to him. I have no family member to talk to because they have not gone through it yet, so they do not understand. My daughters are grieving for their father, so I grieve alone. I am waiting till I see him again, which I hope is soon. Do not want to live 15, 20 years alone like this.
I am very angry with gods for taking such a good Man. He was the best....... Never got angry or talked bad about anybody . I am so sad that I will never have that love again. He chose me, he loved me... I am changed now. Nothing. matters. I was a Italian woman that never let anyone push me around. Would fight for my family . Now my daughter told me I am so different. That person died with my husband, never to return.. I do not believe in therapy. No one knows my husband and I but my husband and I. I am so empty inside . This is my life now.....
I lost both my parents, but losing my husband is an unbearable journey . A journey I did not choose , but have no choice. I will see him again... Yesterday was memorial day. Had to visit my husband in a cemetery. How wrong is that. Thank you for letting me talk about my beloved husband ,lover and friend..