No time can erase the emptiness in my heart

by T

I was only 13 when my mom passed away from cancer and now 25. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of her and how my life could've been a 100x different for the better. There is no one in this world that loved me unconditional like my mom. Even when she was very sick with cancer she made the effort to take me to soccer practice or go buy clothes. At 13 you can't fully grasp the concept of losing someone til you wake up and there not there. I regret so much that I didn't tell her I loved her every day before she died. She was my rock, my foundation, and my best friend. She would work 12 hrs a day and come home and cook; then would spend another couple hrs making me do homework. Me, my dad, and my sister don't talk or see each other anymore, she was the glue that held our family together. I went from a good kid with a 4.0 gpa to being locked up multiple times. When this happened I was forced to grow up quickly and I realize how naive I was a month prior. The worst part of everything is how lonely I feel for the last 10 years. I can't seem too shake this funk and move on. Before holidays were big, now I just celebrate all the holidays and my birthday alone. Sometimes I hate life for being so unfair but then I think I'm stupid because there are so many people who have it worst. Life goes on.. Whether you are ready for it or not.. This is the first time I ever did anything like this.. I just wanted to get my feelings down

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Nov 15, 2013
by: dianne

im so sorry you feel the way you do .I am a mother who lost my 21 yr old son just this year I know your mother would have known how much you loved her and still do I feel she would be a sad knowing how much your grieving for her I know your mum would want you to be happy so don't go on feeling as u do just try to be happy try getting in touch with your dad and sister as you all lost someone very special that day so you all have the tie between your big hugs to you and my thoughts are with you x

Nov 15, 2013
No time can erase the emptiness in my heart
by: Doreen UK

T I am sorry for your loss of Mom to cancer and the loss of relationship with your Dad and your sister. Many of us come from fractured families and don't get on at times. You lost your mom at a young age when it was as you say difficult to process death. You may have been stuck in grief and as you mature everything starts to press for resolution. Perhaps you regret the loss of relationship with your father and sister? firstly let me say that to tell your mom every day you loved her would lose it's value, when you say I love you little and show it then it has greater value. Otherwise it can become a mundane statement that is uttered because it is the done thing. Don't feel guilt over this. You could take yourself off to counselling and try to resolve the difficulties you had growing up and which may be repressed. I did this and I can tell you how liberating this is and the freedom that comes from this is the best feeling ever. You then may be able to resolve the issues with your father and sister before it is too late and you lose your father. Nothing could be worse than how you feel now. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to a deadly cancer and so I know how difficult it is living with this disease. I don't feel like doing Christmas now because my husband has gone and what is the point. But you know what. LIFE IS FOR LIVING. However we want to do it. Sit in misery for the rest of one's life or make our own happiness by putting value and meaning into life. Stay FOCUSED. Give of your life to someone else whoever it is and you will find great meaning and value in life. Then build on this. You can also do many lovely things for yourself each day as if your mom was still here doing it for you. You will start to feel better about yourself and your world and feelings will change. Don't stop because the one's who gave meaning and value to life have now left you. We must carry on the traditions. Christmas is the time families gather together and many who have separated come back together. Now is a good time to make this happen for yourself. Perhaps your father and sister want to be in touch but someone has to make the first move. You be the one to do this. Don't fear rejection. If you make the effort and it doesn't work out you haven't lost anything. YOU TRIED. Turn things around for yourself and make a promise to yourself that you won't live with loneliness, and emptiness. Then write a contract for how you want your life to be and then start to make it better. Make it an exciting fun thing to do. I did it. I wish you all the best in life and I am glad you wrote your story.

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