No warning

by Billy Mathews
(Brazil indiana)

We were together for almost nine years, In the beginning it was wonderful we fell in love quickly. We had known each other most of our lives but never really close. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I knew it in my heart. We were together about 2 years before his dad passed he went to the hospital a couple times of year for CHF. But always ended up coming home. Until this time we got to the hospital and his mom was in there with him she came out and told us they put him on the respirator. But hes going to be ok about a hour or so later they called his mom and him back there to see his dad and at that time he coded with them watching, The nurse came out and got me it was the worst thing I'd ever seen. And our lives were never the same again. After his loss he became very clingy for a couple of weeks so I told my employer at the time I needed time off I was going to be with him as long as he needed me. After about a month he started becoming very distant and irritable. In the mean time we were forced to move into his dads house witch his dad had left him he wasnt ready but if we didnt move in there his sister was going to. For the first year there everything was ok not great but bearable. In this time he had proposed to me I knew I wanted to be with him and I thought maybe us getting married would help him not feel so alone since his dads passing. I wanted him to know I wasnt going anywhere. We were married in March four months later are life really went down hill on my birthday July 19th he went to Terre Haute to get me a present had left that morning came back that evening come to find out he spend my birthday with his ex and their daughter. Boy was that a shocker but were married and I forgave him. Then in December we got in an argument and he left and was gone all night I find out a couple of months later he stayed the night with her. My heart was broke but I gave him another chance then in January he comes home from work and tells me he wants a divorce it wasnt working for him any more I was having my own issues at the time and had been a stay at home mother for a couple of months. So it wasnt as if I just had the money to get up and leave besides I have two boys of my own. He had 3 kids and I had my two and we never had much luck with the combining of the two families it didnt help that two of his children's mother never had anything nice to say about me so she made it very difficult. It took me about a month and a half to move out witch he made that time pure hell for me and my children. I finally left with no job or no car cause he was making payments on my explorer so I couldnt take it.I found a wonderful landlord who let me move in with nothing down I got a job at a nursing home with in walking distance. It took me a minute but I got back on my feet. But I did, then on July 5th we had to go to court for our divorce I had been talking to him for a couple of weeks prior to that he wanted to get back together I was thinking about it then he came over the morning of court with hickies on his neck so I was done. Heart ripped out again. We were apart for about 3 months then ended up getting back together. Everything was perfect again so I thought then one evening while he napped on the couch I got a weird feeling to look at his phone so I did and seen where he had been messaging one of the girls he was seeing while we were separated, so again I was done. After a couple of months I had finally started to move on I get a text out of the blue he needs to talk to me, so I meet him at the park he tells me hes dying he has cancer. So what do I do I told the guy I was seeing the situation and that I had to be there for Jake he needed me so we got back together. Now we've been back together for about a year come to find out he had lied about the cancer but again I forgave him. We've gotten along pretty good this past year I have come to fall deeply and completely in love with him again. On July 27 we went away for the weekend just the two of us it was wonderful and I dont recall a happier time together. Then on the next weekend he calls me and says he cant do this any more his 16 year old daughter hates me and wont be in his life if I'm in it. Mind you she has never liked me. I am so devastated this last week has been pure and total hell I'm so lost I dont understand he has not even contacted his daughter he's been hanging out with his friends and who knows what else he wont return my text or answer my calls I feel like such a fool I didnt even see this coming. I've never in my life felt this much pain at once. To have someone turn so quickly and to make it worse the day he said it was over and I started balling he said this is just as hard on me as it is on you this its not what I want either but its what I have to do for a daughter hes only seen maybe 3 times the last 4 years. At this point I dont see how I can go on I it feels like part of me is missing and all I do is sit and cry all the time even at work between patients I cant stop it. Im so depressed and dont know what to do he knows Im going threw hell I call and leave a voice mail everyday. But he dont care the hardest part is I should of known this would happen again but I was completely blindsided.

Comments for No warning

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Mar 31, 2014
by: Billy

thanks for your comments, as rough as some may have sounded you were all right thanks again

Aug 12, 2013
You've Had Many Warnings
by: Judith in California

Unfortunately you are not going to get sympathy from me. You have lost all your self respect along with his lack of respect for you. You have allowed this. Some serious counseling might get you on the right track. You need this immature, selfish, narcissistic, mentally ill sociopath like a hole in the head! Do you know how sick a mind has to be to make up a cancer story?!!!

His behavior has been plenty of warning to not be involved with him.

You don't let any man abuse you this way ever. Love be damned! HE sees you as an easy target.

Toughen up and do not let this jerk back into your life just so you won't be alone. There are worse things than being alone and you've had it all.

And children do not need to be exposed to this kind of mental and emotional abuse. Think of them .

It's a road to recovery to find out why you felt you needed a man like this in your life and then to never let another one like him in again.

Good luck on that journey!

Aug 11, 2013
Please get yourself together
by: Anonymous

Our you serious, woman just reading this makes me ill.
My father as always taught us girls
When a man sees weakness in you
He will always use you and spit you out!

But when a man sees strength in you
He will love & respect you

Life is temporary are you serious,
How can you love a man who doesn't respect or treat you worthy..

Wake up sister, you're better then that!!!

Aug 11, 2013
No Warning
by: Doreen U.K.

How many times can you be blindsided? This man is unstable and you should never have gone back with him when you could see he could not offer you HONESTY, and FIDELITY. This man is a USER of people. If you ever went back to him then you would deserve what you get. Nobody deserves to be used this way. It would destroy your self esteem, and then you as a person. Perhaps this is why you are crying so much. The love is only one sided. This man will get what he deserves in the end.
What about your own 2 children? Where do they fit into this relationship? Is it fair on them to be going back and forth. These 2 children need stability otherwise they will suffer as they get older. You seemed to be getting on your feet after you left the first time and you should have left it there. Put everything of yourself into your two children and be the best mom you can be. Devote yourself to them and don't let your ex change your mind or sway you. Don't give him the time of day. Ignore any text messages from him. Your Ex is the type of person who will use women and when he has had enough he will come back to you and make a fool of you. Is that what you want? You are an articulate, sensible person and should give yourself the RESPECT you deserve. Treat your EX as if he doesn't exist and start building your life up with you and your children and in time when your broken heart has mended you can then move on and you will one day find the man of your dreams who will love you for yourself and treat you how you deserve. with RESPECT. Go see a counsellor and build your self esteem and work out your own issues and you will be stronger in places you need to be. Hold your head up high and decide to be a WINNER. Don't go back to that LOSER of an EX. Move if you have to and build your own life. I know it hurts when you can't have the man you want. But both of you have to be in agreement otherwise it won't work.

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