by Nomsa Nkwanca
(Johannesburg, South Africa)
My brother Thapelo was born on 30 July 1975. I was 10 years old when he was born,my only sibling, my only brother. Forever smiling. I look at all his pictures today there is this permanent smile in those pictures.
In December 2011 he was diagnosed with cancer of the bile duct. What a rough ride?? We did everything to find help for him - he was forever hopeful and had a positive attitude to life until the end. I respect him so much for that. On May 24, 2012 we lost him. I will never forget this day. I will never forget you my brother. We miss your loud laugh, loud car radio, loud screams when watching soccer - ooh we miss everything about you my brother. I still can't believe you are gone papa. I cry everyday because I can't call you - I can't talk to you - I can't take a walk with you - I can't scream at you when you driving fast. Yho Mfo I miss you!!! The pain is so deep and I don't know how to handle it. I am told with time it will be better - I so wish I can be told with time I will talk to you. I sometimes beg you to remove the pain from me.
You thanked me every opportunity you had for taking care of you my brother. I used to get very upset when you thanked me "for everything" - whatever that meant - but I sometimes feel I did not do enough becuase you are not here with us. God knows best my brother.
What I know for sure is that you are at peace and in a better place. You deserve that - pity you had to leave us to be there. We miss you mfo Kakhulu. The void you left in the family is so so huge. We cry often and each one goes into her bedroom to cry. It is tough.
I sometimes feel that I should not have been present when you passed on because the memory the picture keeps coming back. But I guess it was ok. I hope you felt our teary presence. I hope you felt loved when the sister helped me close your eyes and mouth. You were at peace. You looked peace. I hope you are at peace my brother.
We gave out your clothes this past Saturday. It was a very sad day to all of us. We gave to people who loved you and whom you loved. I kept the green tshirt for myself and other memory stuff for Nkuthi and Wethu.
I just want to tell you one more time that I love you I love you I love you and I miss you so so so dearly Papa.