Not coping to well
I am 44 years old, my father was 81 when he died on Sept 2, 2013 at 1:12pm. He had been in the hospital for 3 weeks at that point. The initial reason was that he went into diabetic shock and his 17 year old granddaughter found him slumped in his chair. It later was discovered he was bleeding internally, they removed his colon but that only made him weaker. His heart was failing along with many other things. He lived in FL and I in TX. My sister who cared for a Dad sent me a text 2 days before he passed saying, "I feel like I am watching him die" I was always on standby waiting to fly out at a moments notice and that was my cue. I got there on Sunday evening after 2 plane delays but was able to see him for one hour. 2 nights prior, he had written on a piece of paper, barely able to read it, "Where's Cory?" I walked in and saw him, walked back out and completely lost it, I knew he was leaving us. I called out, Dad, I am here, it's Cory! He opened one eye really big and saw me, he knew I was there. I had not seen this note until a few days after he had passed. I was staying at my sisters while in Fl and she got the call the next morning, breathing tube was in and we needed to get there. Luckily only 3 minute drive....he would never speak again. My mother, 3 sisters and one niece were all there, touching him, holding his hands, it was time. The tubes were removed, he was gone. I felt true physical pain and it was like a bad dream. It has been 2 months and 1 day since he has been gone, I feel as sad and empty as the first moment he died. I keep it to myself mostly. His pictures fill my home, his voice in my head. I have never lost anybody this close to me and I feel like the pain will last forever. I stayed in FL for 2 weeks after he passed to help my sister with a Dad's things. I did not want to leave him, his ashes were at my sisters and I felt he was too. I realized, he is everywhere, I hear his voice often and it is comforting. Will I ever get over my loss?