Not coping to well

by Cory

I am 44 years old, my father was 81 when he died on Sept 2, 2013 at 1:12pm. He had been in the hospital for 3 weeks at that point. The initial reason was that he went into diabetic shock and his 17 year old granddaughter found him slumped in his chair. It later was discovered he was bleeding internally, they removed his colon but that only made him weaker. His heart was failing along with many other things. He lived in FL and I in TX. My sister who cared for a Dad sent me a text 2 days before he passed saying, "I feel like I am watching him die" I was always on standby waiting to fly out at a moments notice and that was my cue. I got there on Sunday evening after 2 plane delays but was able to see him for one hour. 2 nights prior, he had written on a piece of paper, barely able to read it, "Where's Cory?" I walked in and saw him, walked back out and completely lost it, I knew he was leaving us. I called out, Dad, I am here, it's Cory! He opened one eye really big and saw me, he knew I was there. I had not seen this note until a few days after he had passed. I was staying at my sisters while in Fl and she got the call the next morning, breathing tube was in and we needed to get there. Luckily only 3 minute drive....he would never speak again. My mother, 3 sisters and one niece were all there, touching him, holding his hands, it was time. The tubes were removed, he was gone. I felt true physical pain and it was like a bad dream. It has been 2 months and 1 day since he has been gone, I feel as sad and empty as the first moment he died. I keep it to myself mostly. His pictures fill my home, his voice in my head. I have never lost anybody this close to me and I feel like the pain will last forever. I stayed in FL for 2 weeks after he passed to help my sister with a Dad's things. I did not want to leave him, his ashes were at my sisters and I felt he was too. I realized, he is everywhere, I hear his voice often and it is comforting. Will I ever get over my loss?

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Nov 05, 2013
Not coping too well
by: Doreen UK

Cory I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. It is early days now and you will feel the full wrath of this pain of grief as if it would be here forever. Thank God it isn't. The early days are the worst. It is a pain you can't ever imagine. It is so crushing it makes one feel they won't survive.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to cancer having nursed him through this horrendous disease for over 3yrs. I had to watch him die slowly and in terrible pain. But nothing prepares you for the day he draws his last breath and you are in shock and can't quite process what just happened. I have waves of panic now setting in that he has really gone and never coming back. often one is busy sorting out clothes and all the worldly possessions of the one lost and we don't process the death well at this time. It is later that memories come back and our grief starts all over again. This is the nature of Grief. But to answer your question. YES! things do get better in time. Best way is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how I survived. I still struggle when memories come back. I guess it is only TIME that will heal our sorrow and bring us back from this sadness and pain. You are coping the best way you can. None of us knows how to react or if we should be feeling grief even after many months into years. But there is no timetable to grief even if friends or family think you should have recovered. This is not true. Keep Hope alive in your heart that Grief is a process we all go through and one day the sun will shine again. But our lives are altered forever. Don't give Up!

Nov 04, 2013
Trying To Cope Too
by: Becky

Dear Cory,
I lost my Mother on August 1, 2013, and every day is a hard die. I have cried every day since. I do take comfort in reading the Bible, I feel like the Lord speaks to me and comforts me when I read it. I think it is because I am at a low point in my life now. I also wrote a poem for my Mother to honor her, just one way to channel my grief. I have learned by doing crafts for my Mother's grave I can channel my grief on my craft. I have also hung some wind chimes at my house in her memory. Every time I hear them I like to think that she is thinking about me. I still visit her grave 3 to 4 times a week. I am still trying to figure out a way to help my Dad thru the grieving process. They were married over 56 years and he struggles to get thru each day.
You might try keeping a journal, and write to your Dad every day. I am still looking for ways to cope and to understand why I had to lose my Mother.
Praying for you.

Nov 03, 2013
Dear Cory
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying a bit as I write this, because your father looks a bit like my Dad in that photo. I lost my father on January 14, 2013. He collapsed and died from sudden cardiac arrest. There was no warning, no sign, he was a seemingly healthy 81 year old man. By the time my mom and I got to the ER, he was already gone, but I held his hand and talked to him anyway. We never got to say goodbye. I am still in shock, and I am still struggling with my grief, but I will say that it has gotten a bit easier to get through each day. My mom and I have "ok" days, and really bad days- He and my mother were together 50 years. I have photos all over, and I saw him almost daily. There is a tremendous hole in my heart, but I know that he is with me in spirit. I am an only child, and at 47, I feel so lost without my Dad. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this. All I can offer you is comfort and support. I hope you find some peace here and can begin to heal. Barb

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