Not just a Friend, my whole life
I hesitate to say my friend died, as if that's not as important as a spouse or parent. But Shelley was my best friend for 40 years, and we shared a love that was deep and loving, and now she is gone I am bereft.
We both were married, and I had children, but she was the main constant in my life for all those years.
I just don't know how to live without her - we were children together, we were teenagers together, we were young and then middle aged women together, we used to talk about being old together - and now there's just me.
Sometimes we talked about growing old sitting in rocking chairs sucking our boiled sweets, sometimes we were dressing outrageously in mini skirts and kicking up a storm as defiant 80 year olds, but always we were together. And now I face a lonely old age, with no-one to remember the silly girl I was all those years ago, and I miss her so much.
It's been 8 months since she died and it seems to get harder not easier. The numbness has worn off and I am left with the pain. How do people manage? How do all the millions walking around just get out of bed every day? I know I'm not the only one. I know grief is no lover of fairness, but where are all the other bereft people? Is it just me that can't cope?
Maybe if I keep a blog on here it will help me deal with this - she would want me to be true to my feelings and grieve, but she would be so sad to know I was hurting so much and she couldn't help me - she always looked after me, was always there for me.