Not Only My Mother - My Best Friend

by Carrie
(Burleson, Tx, USA)

March 12, 2014 was the day my life would never be the same. At the age of 66, my precious mom died unexpectedly by a heart attack. I rushed to her home after my husband retrieved me from work and told me of the loss. I laid with her in her bed holding her hand and brushing her hair with my fingers. It was all so surreal. How could she be dead when she is right here? When the medical examiner arrived I left the home as I did not want it have that memory in my head. On my way home my step dad called and my phone said mom calling with her picture and for a moment my heart skipped a beat as I knew she was still here. The following days and weeks were of shock and disbelief. I still pick up the phone to call her about some random thing I would normally call her about. I feel so alone. Everyone around me says you need to move forward. You are strong be strong. I want to scream at them - MY MOTHER IS GONE I CAN NEVER SEE HER TOUCH HER TALK TO HER AGAIN MY MOTHER IS GONE. Not only did I lose my mother I lost my best friend. If she were here she would be the one not pushing me, but sitting beside me waiting patiently for me to grieve and grieve with me. I breakdown daily over her. I get told she wouldn't want you to do this. They don't know what she would want. But she knows how I would/am feeling and understand. It's almost been two months since I lost the perfect mother for me. I saw the word mom in block letters today at the store, I had to leave. She pops into my head at anytime and the tears start rolling. When will I be able to think of her and smile? I don't feel I will ever move past this pain and emptiness I have now.

Comments for Not Only My Mother - My Best Friend

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 09, 2014
Our experiences are SO eerily close
by: Laura Hall

I lost my Momma on April 16th, 2014. I got the phone call and rushed to her house just as you did. I didn't believe it until I walked into her bedroom and looked at her...I knew then at that moment that my Momma was DEAD!! NO, NO, NO!! DEAD!? The earth cracked. I buried my face in her chest and sobbed hysterically. She lived just a few blocks away from me, and I still cry EVERY DAY. The paramedics had to pull me away and take me to the hospital. The only word that can come close to the death of my mother is HORROR pure and utter unreal terror! There is no time limit on grief, and I will cry a long as I feel the need to cry. I refuse to feel guilty for it. I hope you can grief just as you need to. We obviously are both people who love very deeply when we love someone. I will NEVER EVER get over it, and it sounds like you won't either. I just pray it gets a little easier. ((Hugs))

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Aug 02, 2014
Same story with my mom....
by: Dana

Our stories sound so similar...My mom died of a sudden heart attack Feb 21, 2014 - a day I wish I could erase from the calendar. The pain is unbelievable...How can it be? You were just here!! I need to talk to you!! Pick up your phone!! Why won't you text me back? But I try to tell myself a few things, which helps me to get through --- The reason why the pain is so horrifying is because of the wonderful, amazing, tight bond and closeness that we shared. If that beautiful relationship were never there, there would be no grief. We are so lucky to have had that with our Moms, and for as long as we did. And I'm happy knowing our Moms passed quickly - no suffering, no pain - just straight to God's arms. I find comfort in thinking about that. Maybe you will too. God Bless You.

May 18, 2014
The loss of your mother, your friend.
by: Jay

Hello Carrie:

Your story which left me with a lump in my throat and so much sadness for you. I know how you feel because I lost my mom, who was also my best friend nearly a year ago. Time does heal the intense sadness and grief. I say that from my experience. For now, you just have to use "diversion" (what my friends called it). Doing things to occupy your days until enough time has passed for you to heal a little.

Like your mom, my mom was my best friend too. She was my mom, I was her son, but she was also my best friend. I could talk to her, I could tell her of my fears and troubles and share with her my happy moments and life's triumphs. She had heart valve replacement to cure a failing heart and while the surgery went well, the side effects is what took her. I came home one evening from work to find her in the first stages of a stroke. She died the next afternoon in the hospital. I was fortunate I guess, I was with her in her final hours and she knew I was there. She and I spoke before the stroke got too bad and she knew I was home and she wasn't all alone. My brother and I were with her when she passed in the hospital. She slipped away quietly, like a whisper. No fireworks, no grandeur, nothing to mark her passing, in a breath, my mom was gone. The days and weeks pass and it seems as if the pain will never subside, but it does ease in time.

Fast forward nearly a year since my mom's passing. I do visit her grave often and take flowers. I continue to try and honor my mom every day by being the good and decent man she raised. One of the things that has brought me great comfort is in writing. People grieve differently, so what may work for me might not work for you, but I offer this as a suggestion to help you. I started writing about my childhood, from as far back as I could remember. I've written pages and pages of things I remembered doing as a child. My mom left us a little journal for us to read upon her passing. It has given me great comfort in reading her words. I've taken her idea and have done the same. I have started to print these pages for my family to read when I leave this earth. It gives me comfort to write and remember old times and happy memories of my mom and family. Most importantly, it fills time and that "diversion" gets you through the hard days.

Remember this as you grieve.... how much was your dear sweet mother loved that you grieve so much for her? What an honor to your mother that you grieve so intensely. I only hope when I pass that someone feels that same amount of love for me.

I hope that the pain subsides enough to deal with the loss. I think losing a mom is probably the most difficult loss of them all because your mother is the very first person you love. She brought you into this world and you loved her from the moment you met her. I hope you take comfort in knowing she will always be by your side. God bless you and your dear mother and your family. - Jay

May 11, 2014
by: edward bamberger

I just read hour story and my heart goes out to you, just last night the day before mothers day I got a call from my brother that my mom had died. It has been the toughest 2 days of my life so far. God bless you

May 07, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am truly blessed to have complete strangers reach out to me in such and understanding and compassionate way. It is reassuring to hear that people have faced the same struggles as I have and they have beaten them. Honestly since I posted this and received the very first response yesterday I then prayed to God for laughter. I laughed three times yesterday. The first time felt like I felt when my son took his first step. It was huge. I looked at my husband and said I just laughed! He said he really missed hearing that laugh and that he loves the sound of it. I have laughed a few times today. It really feels good. I do admit on a few of the occasions I have felt guilty but then I reassured myself that my mother was laughing with me and thanking The Lord for giving me the strength to be happy if just for a moment. Again I cannot tell you what this site and the time y'all have taken to reach out to me has changed me in just this few days. God bless you all. Much love. I am hear for support also if you ever need anything. My email is

May 07, 2014
My mom died April 16th 2014 almost same experience as yours
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss of your mom April 16th 2014. I lost my mom 11yrs. ago and my husband of 44yrs died 2yrs ago on Monday 5th May 2012. Losing my husband was my worst loss ever. I am happy that you and your mom are Christians and we have this Blessed Hope of eternal life and being re-united when Jesus comes back for us. You will go through the motions of Grief but knowing God sends us the Comforter we can go on ONE DAY AT A TIME and know that God is with us.
May God draw close to you and your family and comfort you with His Peace.

May 07, 2014
Overcoming the difficulties we face in life
by: Doreen UK

Carrie Let me offer you some further support by saying that I understand the world of Bi-polar, and depression. I reached a stage in my life when I couldn't continue living in my insular world that no one else could understand. I found it difficult to understand let alone other people. The whole world of Mental Health issues is a challenging one and a very distressing one when one has very little control over changing their internal world so they can survive. I have faced a lot of cruelty even from family who didn't even try to understand. My sister's husband gave me the hardest time. He would turn people against me, as did my youngest sister who didn't understand my world. Both my youngest sister and older sister's husband have faced crises in their life and now having to use counselling to help them. I have supported them in a way they didn't do for me. So take heart in knowing that everyone has their day and so will those people in your world who don't understand. I took control of my life in my 40's and went into counselling. Best decision I ever made. I got the right psychologist/counsellor who worked with me and used his skills to give me back my life inasmuch as I have never lived till now. I do cope better with life. I then went on to give my therapist 8yrs. in volunteer work in a Mental Health facility supporting clients and doing Admin. I learned a lot, and developed good skills I can use now. So Yes I do very much understand the world you are in and how difficult this is. I make it my life's mission to support people like yourself and on this site which is why I attempt to support this site. I have a life history of trials I have overcome and so I am able to speak with understanding from knowing how people feel. Don't give up your therapy as you will benefit from this and you will move forward and see life getting better on a daily basis. Often our close family can become our worst enemies, so you are not alone here. I am in a stronger place now and can overcome and overlook the lack of understanding from people who don't understand.
Write back if you are finding it difficult and you will continue to receive support. Hang in there and know you are not alone. Just by telling your story you help so many other people going through the same hurt and distress and how difficult life is for them. They can identify with us and so they feel less alone. I hope the days ahead get easier for you and you eventually get your life back the way you want it. It will happen. Believe it!

May 07, 2014
My mom died April 16 2014 almost exact experience
by: Anonymous

I am 31 and I was awoken at 3 am by my husband telling me my mom is dead. She had a heart attack too. She was 56. I layed on her bedroom floor next to her body as I was surrounded by paramedics. I know what you're going through! It doesn't seem real! The only comfort I have is that I am a christian and she was too, and I know we will see each other again. I'm so so sorry!! I know your pain as I sit here at 2 am unable to sleep. God Bless you!-Laura

May 06, 2014
loss of your Mother
by: Anonymous---MI

Carrie--I am sorry that your dear Mom has died. Do not listen to the people who tell you to act a certain way. People CANNOT know how you feel until they have experienced a loss of a loved one. I know how you feel. My husband died suddenly almost 18 months ago and I am grieving the loss of my only love and best friend. As days pass we can become stronger in that we manage to put our oceans of tears aside until we are alone. We tend to not share our pain with others. We set it aside until we are alone and then face it--again and again and again. This is coping with our grief--each person deals with grief differently and it has to be this way because we are all so individual. We do the best we can--not by someone else's suggestions but on how our hearts feel. When my husband first died I worried about hurting others feelings concerning my sorrow, but now I talk when I want to talk and when I can't I choose to be alone in my thoughts. If others do not like this in me or try to get me to behave in the way they want I do what feels best for me at that moment. No one understands MY grief because it is just that-----mine. May you face each day with trusting in God to lead you to everlasting life and happiness as He has promised us. God Bless you and all on this site.

May 06, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your kind words. I too suffer in silence because I do not trust anyone to actually support me and where I am at with my mothers death. That is why I wrote on this site for a way to release and hopefully get some understanding from other people. Luckily I did from you. I am also bipolar that is set off by life changing events so my reaction to this is much more challenging than the rest of my family. I have to work with my doctors and therapist to keep me from going into as manic phase and get me out of this deep depression. My brain doesn't function the same. They do not understand that or my condition. Again thank you so much for lifting a little off my shoulders with this horrible time in my life.

Take care and I hope each day, even two years later, become less of a struggle for you. Bless you.

May 06, 2014
Not Only My Mother - My Best Friend
by: Doreen UK

Carrie I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. When you are facing RAW GRIEF, as you are. It is normal to feel you will be this way forever, and you will never be normal again. This is how I felt and many others have said the same thing. It doesn't help your grief by people telling you that "You are strong" "You will get over it" "You have to move forward." These are very wrong statements at the wrong time. Of course we all know IN TIME we will be stronger, and be able to move forward. BUT NOT NOW. Maybe NOT FOR A LONG TIME. Even if these people mean well REALLY SPEAKING, THEY DON'T KNOW. They haven't a clue how to support you. They utter statements from a mind set that has never had to face death and GREIEF. If they did they wouldn't say these things to you. IGNORE THEM, and choose your confidants who understand and will support you in the way you need this. Sometimes we can ask for what we need from people around us. There is nothing wrong with stating that you just need to vent without judgement or speculation. I suffer in silence because I know people would say the same thing to me. So I say nothing. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. yesterday. Tough journey but it does get easier in time. Best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. Each day is different. some days you will feel O.K. and others you won't. But each day changes, and you will move forward and be happier again. Triggers will go off all the time and you will cry and do it all over again till life changes with time. Grief is HARD and very PAINFUL, but thank God we HEAL and one day we will all recover from GRIEF.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!