Not Ready

by Miranda

My dad isn't dead. At least not yet, and that's whats killing me. In August, 2011 my dad was diagnosed with tongue cancer. In April, 2012 they removed his tongue because of the cancer. He can't talk to me,and I miss his voice. One morning he was waking me up for school, before his surgery, and kept repeating to me "I love you". I'm not a morning person and the fullness of what was going to happen soon hadn't really hit me yet so I rolled over and ignored him. He kept saying it, saying remember how it sounds I love you. And I hate that I can't remember what his voice sounds like. Yesterday I found out that his cancer has spread and hes been making funeral arrangements. I don't know how much time I have left with him and it kills me to know that he won't be here to see me graduate high school and college, and to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. My parents divorced a year before he found out he had cancer, and I chose to live with him. I didn't know he would get sick and I wouldn't change my decision even if I had known. These past few years of my life I've felt lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I can help or anything. I feel useless and I hate it. I miss him already and I don't want to see him leave me.

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Mar 01, 2013
Not Ready
by: Doreen U.K.

Miranda I am sorry for the heartache you are facing right now with your father's declining illness that is about to claim his life. You are in the most difficult place a daughter can be in when about to lose her father. I had to watch my beloved husband slowly die of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. He didn't want to die and I had to look at this scared man's sad face. It is the most overwhelming sorrow to have to face. Now I am about to face another battle with my father slowly dying. He is of an age when I expect this because he is 91yrs. and now hospitalised. It is difficult days for both of us. It almost feels surreal as if this is all some bad nightmare that will be over soon. But it is REALITY. Which makes it worse. I am ready to lose my father because of his condition. How he feels and has felt for a long time that He wants to go Home to God. But when it comes it will nevertheless be a tearful and day full of sorrow at losing him. I wasn't prepared to lose my beloved husband. He was only 65yrs. and was full of life till the cancer ripped through him and left him at this disease's mercy. Some battles we can't fight and have to leave this to God since he Creates life and He takes it back. May God comfort you in the days ahead and bring you Peace. May God sustain you through this difficult time.

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