My dad isn't dead. At least not yet, and that's whats killing me. In August, 2011 my dad was diagnosed with tongue cancer. In April, 2012 they removed his tongue because of the cancer. He can't talk to me,and I miss his voice. One morning he was waking me up for school, before his surgery, and kept repeating to me "I love you". I'm not a morning person and the fullness of what was going to happen soon hadn't really hit me yet so I rolled over and ignored him. He kept saying it, saying remember how it sounds I love you. And I hate that I can't remember what his voice sounds like. Yesterday I found out that his cancer has spread and hes been making funeral arrangements. I don't know how much time I have left with him and it kills me to know that he won't be here to see me graduate high school and college, and to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. My parents divorced a year before he found out he had cancer, and I chose to live with him. I didn't know he would get sick and I wouldn't change my decision even if I had known. These past few years of my life I've felt lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I can help or anything. I feel useless and I hate it. I miss him already and I don't want to see him leave me.