Not so good after all

It's me Judy, Ms Poster child for moving on.

Actually I am doing pretty well, but I got totally freaked today at the doctor's office I'm having a side effect of one of the medicines I got put on in January due to the afib stuff - it's causing my feet and ankles to swell. Dutifully I reported this and went into my appointment, only to learn that the appointment was for next Friday. They fit me in anyway but I was freaked out that my organized self could have made this kind of booboo. Then the doctor told me that the medicines were no problem that my heart probably was too stiff to pump blood efficiently and is sending me off to the lab to have a blood test to check for heart failure! I am now totally freaked out at what might be happening and me still here all alone in FL.

When my beloved Barry was going through heart issue after heart issue I was always there to tell him it's was okay, we could handle it together and we did take whatever life handed us. Now I need this. I miss him so much. I want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I'm getting scared and confused as to what to think and do. I feel like I am sliding backwards again. I hate this life with no one to turn to for comfort. Bear I need you today and you are in heaven. How can I get along without him?


Comments for Not so good after all

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Feb 26, 2011
We'll Pull Through
by: TrishJ

It's been three months for me. You are so right. I started thinking the other day...."What would my children and three little grandsons do if something happened to me?" I never thought that way before.

I was there every step of the way with Joe. Holding his hand, reassuring him everything would be fine. The thought of ever having to go through something like that alone (with no husband by my side) is frightening to say the least. Just another challenge in this life we don't even want.

As a nurse I can tell you medication can be very tricky. Adjustments have to be made to get it just right. I hope things go well for you Judy. God's blessings.

Feb 26, 2011
It will be o.k I promise


Remember back in the beggining of grief lets say 3 or 4 months in. We began to think of our own demise. The possibility of something happening to us. Those with kids had to assure them that we were not going anywhere yet we had our doubts right? I mean if "they" could be taken who's to say how long any of us have on this earth.

It was a paranoia brought on by the care for our loved ones and their dying regardless. Or even a sudden death does make you think about our own time left.

When we get ill or seriously ill we don't blow it off like we used to. Our minds, our experiences the fear of hospitals is more keen.

You will be o.k. it is a medication problem but I know that I also miss Paul being there when I am ill. I want/miss him taking care of me. That is what made everything so wonderful. Someone to love and watch over us.

I know that I am a poor 2nd but I am here anytime all the time. Caring about your mental and physical health. We will never be the same and somehow have to adjust to the damn aloneness that we are all too aware of.

It will be o.k its not happening again, its just taking care of yourself...

Feb 26, 2011
not so good after all
by: jules

J - you can and you will come through this - you are a strong person - you have your love to carry you - take the one step, take the one breath, take care - we are all thinking of you

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