Not sure how to feel
My mum passed away in April 2012 after 40 years battling Multiple Sclerosis. She had been seriously ill for a long time and we had been told 5 or 6 times that she was going to pass away, and she always seemed to rally round. So, I still don't know how to feel about the fact that she has gone. I have been waiting for shock and grief to kick in, but I know deep down that I am in denial still. I have found it very hard to express this to my loved ones - mum had been so ill for such a long time that I feel like I should have been prepared but I really don't think I was.
I also feel a little bit guilty about the grief that I know is to come - having read some of these blogs on here people talk about missing their mums advice, or hugs, or daily presence. Howver my mum had been in a nursing home since I was eight years old and so I never really had that mother / daughter relationship with her in the traditional sense - although I have no doubt that she loved me very much. In a way, this has made it easier for me to deny that she has gone because I can get on with my daily life and pretend that she's still there in the nursing home - but it has also left me confused about how I should feel about her loss.
I'd love to hear from anyone who perhaps has any advice or thoughts based on their own experience.