Nothing has comfort me..HELP!!!

by Eva
(Houston, Tx.)

My son hanged himself on Mother's Day 2014, while we were celebrating my daughter's graduation from college. Am so torn apart right now feeling guilty, angry, heartbroken, how I wish I could turn back time and do everything different so my 24 year old son was still here with me. He didn't leave no note which leaves us with so many unanswered questions. I feel so guilty not doing enough for him, he suffered from depression. How I would give my life up for him to come back. I have 6 other children that am trying to be strong for, but the pain is so deep that I don't what to do. Mommys have you hugged your babies today?

Comments for Nothing has comfort me..HELP!!!

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Jul 15, 2014
Nothing has comforted me... HELP!!!
by: Doreen UK

Eva, Perhaps you need a break from your routine of looking after your 6 children and husband. The clue comes from you saying that you wish you could be alone. This is what you need. With caring for a full family you don't have this down time for you. To gather your thoughts and start to heal from your loss of your beloved Son. Try and explore possibilities for you to take TIME OUT for just you. This may be what you need right now. Otherwise the heavy burden may make things worse. You need to NURTURE yourself right now. A lot of Mom's don't have the space to do this and I guess it would change your world. You won't ever get over your loss of your son. But you will learn to live with your loss in a way that won't feel so overwhelming with RAW GRIEF PAIN. This is why you feel worse because you are busy with the family. Don't try and be so strong that you have to do it all. Delegate responsibilities. If you have extended family, ASK for their support and let them know how they can help you so you have this BREAK you need right now. Also giving time and space with some time to see a grief counsellor for a few sessions. MAKE IT "ME" TIME. Just changing your schedule a bit may make the difference to you feeling more able to cope and the best way forward.

Jul 14, 2014
Nothing has comfort me..HELP!!
by: Anonymous

Thankyou so much for all your responses, I still feel like am in a nightmare. I do have my husband who is our family's big supporter. But there is just days I just want to mourn alone, it makes me very sad that I cannot see my son in my dreams, why???... Don't know:-(

Jul 01, 2014
So sorry
by: Anonymous

Hi Eva,
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand this heartbreak having lost a son to suicide almost 9 years ago. It is a loss felt so profoundly deep that we will never plumb the depths, but it will get better. Not right away, it may take months or years before you begin to feel a sense of balance once again. It took lots of time for me to begin to see the bigger picture. You are still in the numbing shock that separates mind and body. Suicide shatters us to smithereens. It takes the one who made us in the first place to gently begin to heal us, brick by brick into a new normal; one whose dross has been burned off by fires of affliction and you come forth as pure gold. I encourage you to write often and share your story with those who can listen without judgment. Be comforted on the breast of God. He will never leave you. That is his promise to his kids and he loves us all.

Jun 03, 2014
by: maryjo

Hi Michelle
Mother's Day will never be the same for us. I feel numb, I don't want to talk face to face with anyone, I want to hide. Our 28 year old son took care of everything for us and I feel like he has been burdened and hasn't really had the time he needed to grieve. He and his brother were close all their lives. This is such a hard awful thing we have to live with for the rest of our lives. I just hope the pain gets a little less sharp in a few years. But the deep sadness and sense of loss will always be a part of us.

Jun 03, 2014
lost son
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. We lost our 27 year old son on Mother's Day this year too. Mother's Day was the highlight of my year and now it has turned into a dreaded horrible day. We have a 28 year old son too but now I am beginning to worry and fret that something might happen to him.

Our son who died in a car crash had been taking the drug adderall and he would have period of euphoria along with deep depression. I feel so sad, so at a loss as to what to do. We had him cremated and his ashes are in his room where he would stay when he came home. I'm glad he is not in the ground.

Jun 01, 2014
Me too
by: Michelle

I am so sorry for your loss. My son also took his life on the very day that your son did. My younger son and I decided we will no longer celebrate Mother's Day or we will pick another day. I wish I could say something to comfort you, but my pain is so raw.

May 30, 2014
Nothing has comfort for me.. HELP!!!!
by: Doreen UK

Eva I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son to a sudden death. You have six children, perhaps rearing them without the support of a father?? It is so very difficult rearing children today with so many high demands and expectations on mothers. It is so hard trying to please all of them all of the time.
I am one of 6 children. I was my mother's favourite because she saw in me the qualities of being supportive to her and my siblings, from a young age. It stood me in good stead for when I had my own 3 children.
But there was sibling rivalry. The other 4 sisters and one brother were not neglected but felt jealous of me. But I still got the full wrath and punishment from my mother if I didn't do my chores well or didn't do enough work.
I went on to have a favourite also. My eldest daughter just made motherhood so easy. Always obedient and supportive. But the other two weren't loved any less just in a different way. Depression is a hard illness to deal with. I suffered this for 40yrs. and then went into counselling. My youngest daughter put herself through university and graduated. Her eldest sister who did everything right was just a bit disappointed that she didn't graduate and resentful towards me. I had only so much money and spent it all on them the best way I could. She went to work for British Airways and has had a good life and free/cheap holidays. Whilst the youngest who graduated had none of this. Maturity, and a healthy self-esteem has a lot to do with how children develop. But so does a lack of money and support work against many a mother struggling to do her best for her children, and goes UNAPPRECIATED. AS mother's we Hope we did our best and this is all we can do. I did my best for my children despite coping with depression and feeling all alone. We are not SUPERWOMAN who has to work magic to keep a family together against all the odds and still turn out without a hair out of place. this is not REALITY. I wish it was. Life is hard and full of struggles. I am sure you did your very best. The world of one suffering depression somehow distorts their world and they can see their world upside down. My nephew was 30yrs. when he suffered depression and couldn't live in his world anymore and threw himself in front of an express train 9yrs. ago. Often we are LIMITED in what we can do. My heart goes out to you as I know how painful this is for you losing your son. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. Life is difficult again. Spend time LOVING YOURSELF back into life and FORGIVING yourself for the mistakes Mom's make, because they are HUMAN to. It is only TIME that will HEAL your BROKEN HEART. Let God Heal You and comfort You and give you HIS PEACE.

May 30, 2014
So sorry for your loss
by: Liz

Eva, I wish I knew the words to take away this guilt and pain and many other emotions you feel from your loss. I am so sorry. Reading this my heart breaks for your loss. My mother too, lost her oldest daughter (my sister), 3 years ago on Mother's day and she too took her life. My sister was depressed, and decided to drive off a cliff. I know this guilt and anger you are expressing, and i feel for you as you are experiencing this. It actually took me two and a half years for me to actually face all the emotions. It is real and raw. I wish I could tell you the healing though that I've found from it, but I would say that time is a real healer. Time..and God's comfort. You and your family are in my prayers, and I pray for your broken heart to find healing.

May 29, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

Your hurt is raw. The beginning months of losing your child are so painful,shocking and horrible that we don't know how to believe it. Especially in a situation like yours I'm sure. My son died from accidental death. He drank and took cocaine and it as a combination,stopped his heart. He on far apart occasions used a drug. He had depression problems too. It hurts to the core to loose them. My son was 39. It has been a yr and a half now. I am no longer in shock like I was but my shattered pieces are not the same. My heart is feeling for you. Take one day at a time. I couldn't be there for my other children (4) because of my grief. You can't help it. Death of our child is the worst pain ever. On here we all know. We somehow do go on.
But this site has help me to do this. It's shocking for you and all your family. Trust the unseen god to help you even if you don't know how.

May 29, 2014
Nothing has comfort!!
by: Leti

I am so sorry for your loss. I too loss my first born on Sept 12 am. He was on his way to work when he had a heart attack that kill him. He never arrived to work. It's going to be 2 yrs this Sept 14. Which I'm not looking forward to it. When I loss my child a huge piece of me went with him. I'm not that same person that I was before he went home to heaven. He has 5 kids he left behind and it still breaks my heart when I see picture of him and wished that it was me that should of died not my wonderful son and father to his kids. As I've been told none of us mothers want to be in this horrible club, but w are. I pray a lot and have gone to grieving support group that are very helpful. It's help me in so many ways. But there are times I just breakdown missing him and knowing I could never bring him back. I do have the faith in The Lord that I will be back in his arms again when I finish my mission and journey here. It's every mother nightmare. I will pray for you and the family to help ease that horrible pain your heart. It feel like it just wants to burst. The pain is so very deep and I hate holidays but I know that I have to continue with the two other children I have and grandbabies. My heart goes out to you as a mother. I've always said not until you can say you have walked in my shoes to know how deep the pain is and no one or any Meds can stop that heartache. I truly know your pain and I'm so sorry. None of us wants to lose our precious babies we carried for 9 month and raise them adulthood and then have this tragedy happen to us. We have a long haul to go.

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