Now that your gone

by rae

I am 2 years 3mo and 27 days into this void, this dark deep hole in my life. My son is gone.It still seems so unreal to me,I go to his grave,the tombstone makes my mind stop.This just cant have his name on it.At 26yo he should be with his wife and son,happy and laughing as always. but no he's not.Thay are without him.I AM WITHOUT HIM.My youngest,my only son. I have one daughter,9 years between the two so him and I spent every day together (I was a stay at home mother) and our relationship was always veeeery close.Even after he moved out on his own I always had a key to his apartment beleive it or not.We seen each other almost every day and talked 2 or 3 times a day.So what now? This is said to help, and I am in great need of help, so I will tell my story. I seem to have become stuck. I spent the first 2 mo. sitting in a chair numb and then 6 months of constant crying then went back to work.Frankly it was the best thing I have done.But now I am just inert. I am still working, but as far as feeling anything other than dead inside, nothing. Where can I go, what can I do, to ease my pain? To become at least a shadow of my former self with so much of me GONE

Comments for Now that your gone

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May 16, 2012
no one to talk to
by: rae

I thank you all for your words of encouragement.Just knowing that other mothers know what I'm going thru is helpfull I cant really talk to my family, If one more person tells me its been 2 years so it seems like I'd be some better I think I'll lose it on them! Thay should know that I'll never be me again. We as mothers have taken a wound on our very hearts and souls that can never heal. My daughter-in-law and my grandson are now living next to me.I can't tell you how much this has helped me, to be close to them.We have always been close but this living next to one another has made us even closer I am so gratefull to her for this.But I will always look for him,think he should be hear.I try to hide my feelings for both their sakes.He is just 3yo and starting to ask questions that kill me. I have no good answers for him or for myself.When he wanted to build a ladder to heaven I wanted to get the hammer.This site does seem to help,I dont know why,but I'm just glad I found it.Peace,Love,and understanding to all. Rae

Apr 30, 2012
I am so Sorry
by: carol,seans mom

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 24 year old son on November 15,2011. Life is definitely like a dark hole now. He was my oldest and only son. I spent my first mothers day with just him. I think about the anxiety of that day now. He was sleeping to go to work ,not bothering anyone and he did not wake up. How and why does this happen. My life has been destroyed. I only keep it together barely for my two daughters. They suffer also. They don't deserve this pain either. I try to hang in there for them but I am absolutely exhausted. My life is sad and painful now. I can't stand it. I was once a happy person and now I am drained and sad. I don't know when we start to feel better. Peace to you.

Apr 30, 2012
I Feel Exactly Like You Do
by: Susan

There are no words to comfort you. There are no words to comfort me either. I lost my 29 year old son only 2 1/2 months ago. The only friend of mine who has lost her adult child told me this:

1. Talk to your child. Wait until noone is around if you feel awkward. But really talk to him. Either in your head or out loud, and tell him exactly what you would tell him if you were here on earth. Tell him exactly how you feel. Do this every single day.

I will tell you that when I first did this, it felt very weird and awkward to talk to my son who wasn't here any more. I chose to talk to my son at night before I go to bed. I tell him every night how unbearable my life is now that he is gone. I talk about times I remember as he was growing up, or whatever comes to mind. Believe it or not, it's the ONLY time of my day where I feel some sort of brief relief from the crushing grief I feel.

2. Start a dream journal. My friend told me to buy a notebook specifically for dreams. I told her that I very rarely remember my dreams. However, I do wake up at least one time a night, and I write down whatever I can remember. I have had two experiences in my dreams where I talked to my son. I would have NEVER remembered those dreams if I hadn't written them down in the middle of the night, or RIGHT when I wake up before I go to work.

3. Connnect with other parents who have lost their children, especially those who have lost an adult child like your son.

I have only been here three to four times, but I feel better knowing that I can connect to others who know exactly what I'm feeling. Let's face it, our friends and family can be comforting, but unless you've been through it, nobody can truly understand what it's like to lose a child.

I hope this helps you. I will check back on you to see how you are feeling. Much love and hugs to you.

Apr 28, 2012
Life Is Hard Without Them
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for you. Losing my husband was the hardest thing I've every faced in this life. If I lost one of my children I think I would probably have to be committed somewhere.
You are doing well just to get up and face the day. It all seems so unfair. Twenty-Six is too young and the leave a wife and child behind on top of it seems horrible. You are dealing with a lot. Everyone says that those who grieve find a lot of joy in helping others in need. I'm going to give that a try. My husband passed away 16 months ago and I have been pretty much secluding myself from others.
I hope you find some happiness in your day. God bless you.

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