Jeff passed away on December 27tth, 2012. Two months ago yesterday. He was only 41. From day 1 I keep saying to myself and out loud, Now What? Now what do I do? Now who do I call to talk? Now where do I turn for support? Now who will bury my parents with me when the time comes? Now what do I do today? My life still has meaning, lots of it. I just don't know what to do next.??? I wonder..... no, I know that Jeff knows exactly how I am spinning in circles right now... After losing him, and then having a big falling out with my guy... well I just keep asking myself Now What? What do I do? Where do I go? WHo do I turn to? Some of my friends have been wonderful. Helping to fill some of the void. Late nights are tough as that is when Jeff and I would talk the most. And the mornings I breakdown, almost everyday, on the way into work. I see the sunrise and think of all the spledour and glory of the world and how I will go through it alone, without Jeff. That we will never laugh or sing or dance with one another again... not until I pass and meet his spirit elsewhere. Oh I know he is with me always... I just want to hear his voice though. To call him, to talk, to laugh to goof off like we always did. My girfriend Kelley is like a girl version of him and she helps, does she ever help. I'd give anything to hold his hand, see him smile and hear him tell me how much he misses me. Oh how I miss him.... I love you Jeff, every day I love and miss you.