October 10th 2012, the saddest day of my life

by Sandy Pohl
(Dayton, Ohio)

Happier Days!

Happier Days!

Its been a little over 2 months since my beloved Ronnie went to work that day....I talked to him at noon and he said he had a full route of deliveries. He worked for FedEx as a courier driver, he told me he would call me when he was finishing up his route. That call never came.

My story started 24 years ago when I met Ronnie, I was 20 he was 35. Despite all the years difference in our age and everyone telling us it would never last, it did. I knew that one day I would probably be without him simply because of the big gap in our ages, but certainly not now, not like this. When we met we fell in love immediately, we had two sons together, they are 21 and 19, he raised my 24 year old daughter as his own. Life for us wasn't always easy or grand, man, we scraped to pay bills and provide for our kids but no matter how hard time were we always got through it together.

On Tuesday October 9th, Ronnie got home from work at 9:30am, his usual time, he came in changed clothes, took our little "grandson" down to change with him and got "lunch" for them both, he ate and laid on the couch like most other days, but this day he didn't play with Memphis too much or get up to much, by around 3:30 I was almost aggravated with him for laying around so long. I asked him why he was so tired and he said he didn't really know, he got up and went to his Tuesday night bowling league with our son and came home...he refused dinner that night and when I went to our room to check on him he said he didn't feel good. He asked me what chest pain felt like, I told him it was different in all people, he said he didn't have pain but felt as if he couldn't catch his breath. He walked alot, so I didn't know he meant right then and there. I told him to call off the next day and I would get him into see the doctor, he said no he had an appt in 2 weeks he would just talk to the doctor then.

We went to bed that night for that last time as husband and wife, he pulled my arm across him and told me how much he loved me. This was an expression of emotion that was unusal for Ronnie, I told him how much I loved him and we fell asleep arm in arm..he got up and went to work that morning and as I said I spoke to him at noon...I laid down with our grandson and when I woke at 2:30 I called my sister, we talked on the phone for 10 minutes or so and then I called him at 2:56...he didn't answer...I went to the bathroom and changed Memphis' diaper and got him a snack when my phone rang...I thought it was Ronnie calling me back like he often did when he missed my call due to a delivery...but this was the call that changed my life forever....

The voice on the other end of the line asked if I was Ronnie's wife, I said yes, she asked if I had been advised that he was at the Hospital in Dayton, I said no and asked what was wrong, a feeling of doom and dread began to wash over me....she said she couldn't discuss it on the phone but to gather my family and get there as soon as possible. I didn't have a car that day because he had taken mine to work, I told the nurse that I needed to know she again said she couldn't discuss it on the phone. I told her that my daughter would get fired if I called her home from work for a broken toe...she said "No, Mrs. Pohl, he doesn't have a broken toe, its serious and you need to get her as soon as possible"....those words will forever ring in my head.

I got my grandson picked up and daughter home from work, I told her all that I knew she came in and her, myself and my youngest son headed to the hospital, I called his mother, told her the story, she too headed to the hospital, my oldest son was on a job site and had to be transported from the site to the hospital...he was the last of the family to arrive. When I got to the hospital (I was first with my daughter and son) they put us in "that room", the one filled with tissues, pictures of Jesus and how to deal with your grief books and I knew that from that moment on my life would never be the same.

About 20 minutes later the dr and nurse came in and asked who was who, I identified myself as his wife, i pointed out his children and mother...she then asked us if we knew why Mr. Pohl had been brought in that day, I told her we had been given no information. Very dryly and clinically she began to recite that he collapsed on the job, a bystander started CPR, the EMTs arrived and continued resuscitation efforts and tried shocking his heart, he arrived with no pulse and flat line...they continued advanced life support only to pronounce him dead at 3:04pm....I couldn't, still can't, believe that my 58 year old husband, who was in good health, went to the doctor every 3 months, took his medicine daily, who golfed, and bowled, had just dropped dead from a heart attack...how could this be?

I have bad days and worse days...I'm hoping that by sharing my story someone out there can relate to what I am going through....I can't bring myself to put his stuff away, or sleep in our room, I miss him so much the pain feels like it might crush my chest at times..

I miss you Ron Pohl...I don't know how I will ever be okay with this..I'm angry at God, which I know is wrong, you see every night when I crawled into bed next to him, I said my prayers and I thanked God for giving me such a loving supportive husband, a good man, not a rich man, not a gorgeous man, just a good man, a man that loved me for me, through good and bad, thick and thin, richer for poorer, just as our vows said he would..and then he was gone...and I'm broken, just broken, its the only way I can describe it....

Comments for October 10th 2012, the saddest day of my life

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Dec 28, 2012
Share my story
by: Anonymous

Hi Sandy. Darling I understand your grief and anger and shock. I have lost my husband of 32 years just 103 days ago. He was my soul mate , my life, my everything. But Believe me if I tell you that now I wish if god wanted to take him away it would be sudden .Yes the shock is unbearable but you haven,t be the witness of his suffering from an incurrable cancer that even the strongest morphin could,nt do anything. Most of the time I cry because I remember how much he suffered and being him never complained. Yes everyone is telling me that he is not suffering anymore but I can't wipe those images from my memories.He was 57 when he died. I am lost as well but please think that ron didn,t suffer and he was on his feet till the last moment and not in a paalative care of a hospital waiting for his end. LOVE MINA

Dec 28, 2012
Thank You!
by: jlh

Although my heart is broken, since I lost my husband 11/23/12. I am so thankful for you sharing what has happened to you. Our circumstances may be slightly different but bottomline is that we both have lost the love of our lifes. I now know that I am not along in my grief and I am not going crazy because I am feeling ,the same way every day. God Bless You. Some day we will be whole again and joy will re-enter our life.

Dec 28, 2012
October 10th 2012, the saddest day of my life
by: Doreen U.K.

Sandy I am so sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. That journey to the hospital and the NOT KNOWING what is happening because everything is happening slowly, is the worst feeling before the bad news comes.
March 28th 2009 I sat in the doctors office. 2 nurses for support and the hollow words to my husband. "You have a rare and serious lung cancer which is inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. WE will offer you Chemotherapy ASAP. I cried and cried and screamed in that office. Then the journey home. My life rushed fast in front of me. All I could think of was STEVE is going TO DIE. I couldn't bear this. Steve sat silent and couldn't understand what was happening whilst I was falling apart. Telling the 3 Adult children was horrible. Chemotherapy started, Then Radiotherapy, then sent home to die. Dismissed in a very cold manner. It has been the worst 3yrs.39days watching my husband die a slow painful death. He came out of work 2 yrs. before retirement for his Chemo. 11months into retirement he died. that was 8months ago. My life will never be the same. The diagnosis was the saddest day of my life. Steve lost all quality of life from that day of Chemotherapy. I still can't believe he has gone. My Heart is forever BROKEN. I have been a strong Christian all my life. But I was so Angry with God. I still am. Christmas morning I sat crying, trying to make sense of the day. I got Angry with God and then got stuck into the day. Like You did. I thanked God for my husband Steve. I thanked him for all the years we had together even if most of them was spent working. I spent my life Thanking God for everything. But the loss of my husband has left me so Angry. We prayed for Healing. I now have to watch the God Channel and listen to others Healed of Cancer. Why not my STEVE? You are not alone in your grief or Anger. But we still have to live our own lives and manage them. AS wives we have no support of a husband with those things husbands can handle. We have no one to share our troubles with. My mother died 9 years ago the same way your husband did. We got to the hospital to be told the same way. She had died of a heart attack and they tried to revive her but couldn't. I now have the same heart condition. I won't have the care of my beloved Steve when I die. The house has all been remodelled and Steve is not here to enjoy his Home. This hurts me. WE struggled and struggled and Steve had to work long hours whilst I looked after the children. Steve worked all over our country and the world as an exhibition carpenter. 47yrs of a hard working life and when he was due to retire and us spend time together HE dies. Life is so unfair to cut a mans life down when he has worked so hard for this time he deserves. I hope that in the days and weeks ahead you have good supportive family and friends and that your life does get as good as it can after your loss.

Dec 28, 2012
Many Sad Days
by: Judith in California

Sandy, you now know what all of us widows know. Your life is forever changed. Please give tourself time to grieve as much as you can anytime you feel like it. It will take time.
It's too soon for you to even think about putting his things away.

It's been two years for me and I still can't get all of his things together to donate. That's so final and I'm just not ready.

Talk with God as often as necessary for strength to see this horrible grief ride to the peaceful and acceptance side.

I now tell anyone who says their mate is complaining of what you described to get them to the hospital immediately. Hindsight /foresight huh?

I hate you are going through this heartbreak. You sound like a strong woman and you have your children/grandchildren to console you.

God bless you on this roller coaster ride of grief.

One second, one minute , one day at a time.

Dec 28, 2012
Lost Love
by: Terri Smith

To Pamela and Mrs. Pohl. My name is Terri Smith, and I like you am a very recent widow. I am 1 year in. My husband was killed on his way to work on December 26, 2011, so like you Mrs. Pohl, this is our 1st holiday without our husbands. Pam I know your 1st year had to be hell, and I hope you both are beginning to heal. For me, I didn't cry as much as I thought I would on Christmas. It was very quiet, and extremely lonely. There are NO words, that I do know, but what I can say is this through the grace of GOD we'll get thru this. Like you Mrs. Pohl, I have bad days and horrifying days, and your grief is very raw. I remember how I was still feeling at the beginning of this year. Pam, I hope you're doing alright. I have days when getting out of bed is horrifying, but then I have to remember I know my husband Wayne wouldn't want me to go thru this, and I truly believe in the afterlife. To you both Pam, and Mrs. Pohl, look for signs of your husbands presence with you. They are there, but you have to be open to receive the signs. They may be little things that happen, but I can PROMISE you if you talk to them, they hear you. This may sound bizarre, but I've seen signs from my husband, but in order to see them you have to begin to get thru the grief, so you can see them more clearly. I know this will be hard, but another thing you can do to ease this a tad, is at night before you go to sleep as the spirits to show you your spirit guides, we all have them, do this every night, and you will start to see what I'm trying to explain to you. I wish you both love and support. Please keep in touch.

Dec 28, 2012
I understand the pain
by: Pamela

I so understand your pain, I am 20 months on, and still the pain is there, the crying never stops, how the hell does life get better, I just do not know. I have friends who have taken me on holiday and have been around when needed, but when that front door closes, no one knows how much I cry, and want my husband of 36 years back. I love him as you do, your husband with all my heart, there will never be anyone who could take his place in a millon years. I feel at times, that life is not worth living, without that special person. You will feel the same, people tell me it get's easier, I have not experienced that, I am learning to live with it, but there are some days I really do not want to go on. Every day is different, some days I am good and others like today so very sad. If I could give all I own for just one more day I would not hesitate, hopefully one day we will meet our love ones again, I just hope it is very soon.
I wish you well, and hopefully yo will learn to live with the pain, as I hope one day I will to. Bless you

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