October 26, 2013

I lost my husband of 26 years on October 26, 2013. He had alcohol induced cardiomyopathy/congestive heart failure. We talked about growing old together, but deep down in my gut I knew it would never happen.
Where there signs that his health was failing that I messed? Surely a nurse with 33 years experience and a background in cardiology would have spotted something. Were there little signs? like his memory was faltering? not eating as much? where there physical signs? Maybe.
I miss him so much, never thought I would say that. It was a good marriage most of the time, and it was my decision to stay with him. For better, for worse, in sickness and health. I am tired of crying, it clogs up my head.
My professor at school suggested a journal, so I am writing my feelings and maybe this will help me through the grieving process.

Comments for October 26, 2013

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Nov 24, 2013
just one more day
by: Anonymous

I came home from work and thought he was sleeping but he was gone. No chance to say goodbye, last hug no kiss goodnight just the empty silence that will never again be filled by his laugh. I read your posts and hope someday they will describe what I am feeling but I'm still here - he is not and for now all I hope for is just one more day and some way to accept that that wish will never happen - just one more day

Nov 20, 2013
No Guilt
by: Lawrence

My own feelings have been so movingly said by Pat and Judith and there is little more I can say.
Losing a beloved partner is the worst and most terrible thing that can happen; you will never feel as badly as you do now, whilst that is no consolation, except to know things can’t get any worse.
I lost a deeply cherished wife and sweetheart suddenly on Christmas Day, after being together for nearly seventy years and it hurts badly, truthfully I didn’t want to live without her and face the rest of my days alone, but it wasn’t my decision and here I am eleven months later offering you some consolation.
The pain and anguish are still there but not as bad, the tears don’t fall so easily and I can go the odd day without crying but Oh! How I miss her, she was part of my life for so long and the days and nights are so lonely.
I have lovely daughters, grandchildren and even a great grandson and they are a great blessing but nothing can replace losing a person you love more than life itself, so I put on a smile for them and get on with my life.
You are in the very early days of your grief and all I can advise is to cry, cry and cry, as it is nature’s way of easing your intense pain.
Please don't feel any guilt,you have nothing to feel guilty about.
All our prayers are with you.
Lawrence

Nov 18, 2013
October 26,2013
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

We all on this site always express our sadness at another ones loss. Only those who have experienced the death of a loved one truly understands.
I lost my husband of 46 years on June 27,2011. He had a massive heart attack, the day after our 46th wedding anniversary, Jume 26th. One was one of the happiest days of my life and the other is the worst day of my life. We never truly get over the death of a spouse. We slowly learn how to go on without them. A part of us died the day they died.
My marriage wasn't perfect; as my husband was a recovered alcoholic. I know too well how it is to live with an active drinker. The greatest gift my husband gave me was when he stopped drinking. From that day forward, my husband always did soo much for me. I now realize it was his way of trying to make up for the way he was when he was drinking. The night before he died, he told me he was sorry for the way he treated me when he was drinking, that I was such a good woman and deserved better. Little did I know the next day he would die. God sure does work in mysterious ways. I will always cherish our conversation in bed that last night.
I still have this ache in my heart for him. This will be my third Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. I still miss him terribly.
Our holidays will never be the same; we have this void.
I too wrote in a journal the first year. It was my way of talking to him; crying as I wrote. Tears are healing.I STILL TALK TO HIM EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT.
You are in the early stages of your grief. It seems to overwhelm us at times. Take it One Day at a Time, sometimes one minute at a time. I hope you have a good support system. don't let anyone ever tell you to get over it or to go on with your life. Take time to grieve.

Nov 18, 2013
Thanks.
by: Debra

Judith, Thank you for your comments.
Yesterday was the first time my oldest son came to the house since the day after the funeral. It was a joy to see my grandkids, but I see sadness in my grandson's eyes. Our grandson was my husbands shadow. We had him almost every weekend since he was 5 months old and he is 4.
Today I woke feeling empty. Only cried once at work and when I went to the bank to take him off the checking account.

Nov 18, 2013
Your Loss
by: Judith in California

I'm sorry for your loss. Yes, journaling is a great help. I journaled for the first year and wrote about our 35 1/2 years of marriage , the ups, the downs and until all I could write was I love you and miss you so much. It helped me a lot.
It's what some of us called having the perfect, imperfect marriage. It keeps things in perspective to be honest instead of painting a rosy picture. If you're married then you had to have had some discord at some point.

Take your time and grieve whenever and whereever it comes. Cry until you feel you haven't a tear left. It's been 3 years for me and I still cry as memories pop up now and then each week. There's still a void no one will ever fill.

I pray for you to have peace and acceptance on the other side of this horrible journey called grief.

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