Oh Alex...

My dear friend and constant companion, Alex was killed by a drunk driver on April 14th 2011, and I can’t stop crying. My heart is broken and I am simply in shock. He was only 26 years old. He was happy, healthy, vibrant and SO alive until a drunken idiot took his life in an instant. No, No, No. Please, no…

I found this web site by accident and I have been reading other people’s stories of loss. I so relate to the devastation they are feeling, and my heart breaks for them too. This is not a “club” that any of us want to belong to, but here we are, all of us experiencing our own unique loss but still suffering so many of the same emotions. I don’t know if sharing my story will help me to feel a bit better, but others have said that this helps. I’m willing to give it a try, so here goes:

The last thing that I said to Alex was, “See you tomorrow” and less than three hours later he was dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. His body was so damaged that it was “ill advised” for any of us to actually see him after the accident. The CHP said he died of “multiple and severe head trauma” and was dead on the scene of the accident.

We had spent that day working side by side (as we had every day for almost five years). We spent an hour or so together after work chatting about life and brain storming about our next big project, and then he said he had to get going to band practice. We said goodbye and, “See you tomorrow.” I went home and made dinner. I was piddling around the house, actually painting my fingernails (how useless and mundane) around 8pm, while he was taking his last breath.

His mother called me around 7:30 the next morning, and I knew something was wrong. She told me that Alex had been in an accident (in that instant I pictured him in the hospital) and then she told me that he was dead. (All I remember is literally falling to the floor, sobbing, no, no, no!) He had left band practice (sober) and was driving in the far right hand lane on the freeway where two lanes split to the right to go north and two lanes split to the left to go across the bridge to San Francisco. The witnesses say that a small SUV, driving faster than the flow of traffic in the far left lane, made a crazy swerve. The SUV cut across four lanes of traffic and hit Alex’s truck, causing it to skid and then “barrel roll” five or six times before coming to rest on it’s side. Alex had a friend in the truck with him, and that friend was badly injured in the accident. He’s had several surgeries and is emotionally traumatized, but he will live. Alex was not so lucky. The news reported a “massive traffic jam” due to an accident with fatality on I880. That’s not just a traffic jam – that’s Alex!

My world stopped that day, and I don’t know when it’s going to start again. This is unthinkable! Never could I have imagined that such a normal day would be our last together.

Comments for Oh Alex...

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Jul 20, 2011
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry about ur friend, alex!! My thoughts and prayers are with you during this most difficult time!! You never stop missing them no matter how long it has been since you lost them. People say things will get easier in time-they may get easier but that heartache and long will never go away. Just try to stay strong-keep your head up, hold all the memories you have of him close to you-no one can ever take away those memories!! Just take things one day at a time-don't be afraid to just break down-->that is a normal part of the grieving process-and those breakdowns will become more and more sporadic-you just have to make the most of what you have-live life to the fullest. You will re-unite with alex on the other side-hang in there!! Many thoughts, prayers, and hugs are coming your way.

May 15, 2011
God Bless You
by: Anonymous

May God bless you as you journey through this ugly thing called grief. Good true friends are hard to find.
My son's best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident 9 years ago. As all of the friends gathered for the funeral many of them (very many of them) promised to stay in touch with Julian's family. None of them have accept my son. My son named his second child after his friend. His parents love this child as if it were their own grandchild. I means so much to them that my son stays in constant touch.
After just losing my husband I look so forward to chatting with his friends about him. It brings me great comfort.
If you really want to do something special for your friend's family stay in contact with them. They will love you for it. Give his family a few more months for the shock to wear off. They will love reminiscing about old stories of their son. It will also be healing for you.
God bless and take care of you too. The pain never goes away ~ it just gets easier to remember the good times.:)

May 15, 2011
Grieved Mom
by: Anonymous

Oh Alex...how many times have I uttered that line. My son Alex, 19, was killed in a pedestrian accident. By an illegal alien. It has been over 4 years. You know Mother's Day was last Sunday and I was just a wreck. I took a live plant to his grave and just felt like such a failure for not being able to keep him off the roadways at 5:30 in the morning. He was going through a rebellious time in his life, and I was so hoping he was turning things around. I tried to be there for him. His last day on this earth was spent doing body work on his car in the back yard. He got a call to start a new job on the following Monday. He was ecstatic. Happy, and I was overjoyed for him. This thing has robbed us of our happiness in life. I have come a long way in the grief process. But I'll always love him. And think, what a waste of a smart, talented young life. His older brother and Dad have had a hard time of it too. God help us all.

May 14, 2011
Dear Alex's friend
by: Anonymous

I ache for your loss. I feel deep sadness for you and all those left behind after Alex's sudden death. Shock is the perfect word! We are in shock after such news and can stay there for who knows how long until reality can come softly; hopefully softly. It has been just weeks for you and that is a tough place to be. I well remember and it has been 5 years since our son completed suicide; also sudden. We don't know how to prepare for shock. The body seems to go into protective mode and well it should or few of us would survive such heart-stopping truth. You and Alex had a special bond that won't be destroyed by death. When you meet again when Jesus comes to wake up His sleeping children, you will have all of eternity to enjoy each other's company as I plan to do with my son. Meanwhile, let those who write here, reach out to you and let God's arms surround and comfort you and never let go of the hope He has placed within each of us. In His grip, Gracie

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