Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to work and being a teacher kept my mind occupied all day long. When I came home my brother and mom came over for dinner. Seemed like a good day. Even told my brother that I missed taking our rides that Roger and I took on weekends early in the mornings. He would always be taking me somewhere . He loved to drive and I loved to ride. Maybe I should take my self for a drive I told him. Maybe it was time to get out a little. I have no friends and doing things alone really scares me. But yesterday I thought maybe I should do it. Today is a different story. Woke up sobbing and missing my Roger so much.(HE DIED 8 MONTHS AGO FROM LUNG CANCER) And wondering how in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could make it alone. What a difference a day makes. Now here I am back to square one.Roger I miss you so much!
Yvonne~ If only we all lived closer together so we could be there for each other. I have one good day followed by two or three horrific days. Cry, cry, cry. Where do all the tears come from? While Joe was so ill I didn't cry once because we were in it together. My husband was as sick as a human being could possibly be and still have a pulse. We were together ~ fighting for his health every day. That's the difference. Alone I feel defeated before my feet hit the floor in the morning. From other posts I've read on this site we strong women do eventually make it to the other side. I spend a lot of my day talking to God and asking him for guidance. I'm too impatient though. I want this pain to go away now. I do gather strength from others who have made it. They inspire me. God's blessings to you. I hope you have more better days than bad in the following week.
Back to square one by: Judy
Yvonne,
Although it feels like it, you are not back to square one but experiencing the high and lows of grief. Remember we call it a roller coaster ride. I have been back to square one many times. We all have. Just have faith that eventually you won't go all the way back to square one but start moving forward slowly. You probably won't even notice the forward movement but it will come and eventually you will realize you feel better and more content. Hang in there.
JM
The grief ride... by:
Yvonne,
There will be good days and bad. Allow it expect it, but do not run your life worrying about it. On the good days go for a ride. You do not have to have someone with you to explore and view new sites. Seeing the beauty that surrounds you is a must. Try to see things through your eyes for Rodger. I would not torture myself going to places that he used to take you to unless you feel it necessary.
Often times I would do things that we did together and it just made me cry. Listen to songs that we both liked with the same outcome. Tears falling and back to square one. I think that often times we do things that we did with them to feel them somehow. It is a torturous memory that we all do. Flogging ourselves emotionally.
So on the good days do something that you have always wanted to do. On the bad days let it wash over you and cleanse you tired aching soul.
We've all been there the ups and downs are part of grief. Later there are more up days then down. I promise... HH
