One Year And Still Crying

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One Year And Still Crying

by Eric J. Shadowens Sr.
(Louisville,Ky.)

Click on each photo to enlarge.

Well today 10/16/11 marks one year that the love of my life
left this world.I sat here in front of this computer thinking
of her.I don't feel good and I don't feel bad its just something I can't tell what going though my mind right now.
I've had sad feelings all week but some how manage to sell my house and move into a smaller one.Hoping that this will make
things better down the road.I worth something yesterday and it didn't sound right to some people.I said I was seeing other women and one worth I couldn't replace Judy I'm not trying to
no one will ever replace Judy I was with her for over 48 years.The last 15 we were together 24/7.I retired in 1996 and started in to building house's she work right beside me.So who ever put that comment on here made me fill bad.I would like to meet someone and have a friend to sat and talk to.Here in the house at night it gets very lonely.I do things out side like I belong to Relay For Life and do volunteer work.So that helps during the day.Twice a month I go to the place were Judy got her treatments and take cookies to them for snacks.The Nurse's and doctors are good friends.Now back to how I fill it's a very sad day and all the kids and grand kids are coming by today and we will talk about the good times with her.
But Judy I know you are in Heaven looking down on me so here
is how I fill if there was a way to bring you back I would do it in a second no matter what price I would have to pay.
I will close by telling you how much (I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU)

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One Year And Still Crying

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Not Doing Good
by: Eric J. Shadowens Sr.

Well 10/16/2011 the one year date came and yes I was down...But manage to make though the day with a little pain and some tears.Then Oct.26 was next this was Judy's birthday and as the day got closer I became sad and now that day has come and gone I still feel bad..I thank about her now more then ever and it seems I'm back were it all begin..I don't thank I was as bad the first few month has I am now..You all have read were I have try seeing someone and have seen a couple of lady's but after a few weeks I don't feel right and I quit seeing them..I will sat in my house and not do anything for a while then start over again..Just wanted to write some thing to see if it made me feel any better..Will let you know if it works which I don't thank it will..So now I have Thanksgiving then Christmas coming up and I know that will be bad too..

One year and still crying
by: Mary Frances

Eric,
This is the first time on this site and I read your blog. My heart went out to you because I know how you feel about wanting someone just to share life with - not to replace but just to share. I know what you mean about the loneliness at night especially if you had a life where you shared so much with your partner. Chuck and I shared so much. It is that part of my life I miss the most- just turning to the other to point something funny out or have them look at something that caught your eye. please never feel guilty about sharing yourself with someone else. It sounds as if you had the type of marriage many people would dream to have. I hope you do find that special person to share with soon.

Not Mad
by: Eric J. Shadowens Sr.

I want to thank the ones who wrote and commented on my site. no you can't replace a woman as good as Judy was and I'm not trying to. Ilana,J.M., H.H. and Trish
you are very nice people and I glad to have friends like you on here it helps to see some one answer my grief. I have made it though one year now taking one step,one breath,one day at a time.I know Judy is in a better place and no more pain or suffering. God remove the cancer when he came and got her. Now I will wait tell the day that he comes for me I hope that I measure up to what he wants.. It will be good to see her again and hold her in my arms...So I guess I will quit for now but once again Thank all who wrote on my place... For now God Bless you all..

I know how you feel!
by: Ilana

I lost my mother a year and a half ago to Ovarian Cancer and I am sad every day. Everyone keeps telling me its time to snap out of it, including my Dad, but for some reason I can't. Her death was so sudden and painful! I don't think we truly get over the loss, but we learn to live with it. That's what I'm trying to do and I hope that you can do the same! I'm here for you!

No judgement
by: Judy

Eric,

It is not the purpose or wish of any of us who visit this site to judge you or make you feel badly for anything you say, feel or do. I am truly sorry you feel judged because I know that was not the intent of the posting. Rather I think that we women are genuinely confused as to how men can enter into new relationships so soon after losing a beloved partner of many years. And are concerned that moving into a new relationship so soon can bring more problems than it solves. All of us have periods where we are terribly lonely-women just approach it in a different way. I think we struggle to come to terms with this change and men try to find a way to fix it. As Hope said before, men are wired differently. Please come back and post with us. We need a man's view of things. Other widowers, what do you say?

JM

a horrible misunderstanding on my part
by:

I did not mean to make you feel bad. I know that you loved your wife very very much. I just know that the loneliness can be a searing hurt that we just want to stop. If going out makes you feel better than by all means do so. We do need to join the world at some point. It is a rough transition going from we to "me" as in one alone trying to make a life all over again when the life we had was destroyed. It was unfair of me to assume that you were trying to find someone to replace your wife. My apology is heart felt and I misunderstood what you were searching for in your grief. My best to you on this long road of grief...
HH

Maybe Crying a Litlle Less??
by: TrishJ

Eric~
Nobody will ever replace Judith. If you do move on to another relationship it will always be something else. Love and companionship on another level. Judith will always have a place in your heart.

I am nearing the one year mark in about 6 weeks. Last holiday season was just a blur to me. I don't know how I'll feel this year. I'm a little nervous about it. Some days are good and others continue to be bad. It truly is like a roller coaster ride.

You have to continue living your life. The sadness will always be there. We just learn to live with it. You loved her so you will miss her always.

Take care. You deserve to be happy. Grab for happiness any way you can but be careful. Some people aren't as nice as you think they are. Just sayin'.

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