one year tommorrow

by Donna
(Texas)

It seems like its been forever since I have been able to post on this site. It has been so hard, but at least I have been able to read the post here, at least most of the time. I hope that this post goes thru. It will be one year tomorrow (July 23,2010) since Bryan has gone to be with the Lord. How have I survived these last 12 months? It has been so stressful to say the least.
I stopped wearing my wedding band. I know I know, I was one of the ones that was so adamant about never taking my ring off. It got to big and rather than put it in a drawer or possibly lose it I put both of our rings on a chain, mine fits perfectly in his, I wear it less now because I don't really wear jewelry. The only thing I ever wore on a daily basis was my wedding band, the only time I ever took it off was when I was making a messy meal. This was a really BIG STEP for me.

I'm so lost and lonely. I asked my daughter if she would think that I am crazy if I consulted a psychic, she that if I think that would help me then I should do it no matter what anyone thinks, problem is I don't know how to find someone that is honest and not someone that is just trying to scam you. If anyone can help with this I would appreciate it.

I don't know how I am going to make it through tomorrow, I have been so depressed the last few weeks. I hope that will pass after my one year mark. I've been thinking about going to the griefshare support group this sunday, of course I've thought about that for the past month, but something always seems to come up or I just plain forget about it until its to late. I don't know if it will help but I have to try and find someone who can help me fulfill my promise to Bryan, I don't know how I will ever stop grieving him, but I promised him that I would not grieve him forever.

I am so tired, I love you and miss you terribly. I pray that somehow you send me a sign sending me peace. Oh how I would love some peace. Until then I go one one breath, one day one step at a time until we meet again I love you Bryan

Comments for one year tommorrow

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Jul 25, 2011
the first year...
by: Anonymous

Donna,

The year mark is so brutal. We wonder how we ever got through the year with what remained of our marbles after their death. I know that it is bittersweet, meaning look how strong we were. We survived paid the bills kept a roof, raised the kids... Alone. that is the hard part accepting that we are able to do it alone as much as we dislike the idea.

s far as a psy-kick (hah can't spell it) I read a book by Alison Dubious "We are their heaven". The book was very informative as far as the afterlife.
One day sitting at the library as I am now I looked up her website. She no longer does readings which is disappointing but referred several people who are trustworthy and genuine.

I have not gone down that road but the signs that Paul is still here continue to be all around me.
It would be nice to have that confirmed as well as his thoughts on his heaven, knowing that he still looks down on us and somehow protects us.

As always, my best to you in your grief journey. It is ever changing as we evolve and get used to this new life. I know that we have so much left to live and we should not waste the joys that await us.
HH

Jul 24, 2011
A YEAR
by: Judith in California

Donna, each day we don't let go and find peace the harder it is.

Some people swear by Psychics but God said thou shall put no craven images before me. HE is the Ultimate. No one but God can plan our lives or tell us what we will encounter or feel. I know it's hard as my first year is only 2 months away.

I just had surgery and felt so alone and scared without my love . And seeing everyone else in the OR waiting room have their mates with them made me cry so bad as they wheeled me in for surgery. I've cried every day since wishing he could be here to comfort me.

I was angry they wanted me to take my rings off. My rings won't come off until God puts another in my life.

I pray you find acceptance and peace. This road is so freakin hard.

Jul 24, 2011
one year tomorrow
by: jules

Donna - I remember reading your early posts when my loss was so fresh (it is now 20 month for me) - where has that time gone - I shared your pain, and I share it now - I took my wedding band off a while ago, but I have since put it back on - I have worn John's wedding band since the night he died, when a nurse took it off his hand for me.

It is lonely, but we keep living our lives as best we can, hoping we are doing the right thing - that our loves would be proud of us.

Take care at this time, and know that we are there, caring for you - even though we are far away -
every day - one step, one breath.
jules

Jul 23, 2011
Dear Donna
by: Anonymous

Your loneliness and tears are counted, it is written, by One who loves you more than you can know. There was one who sought a woman who today would be considered a psychic. His name was King Saul, he sought a woman who consulted with familiar spirits, and she raised a spirit pretending to be Saul's old friend, the prophet Samuel, and things did not go well for King Saul after that. It would be far far better to bring your sorrow to the One who loves you, when the storms of life are raging, when the storms are tossing you like a ship upon the sea, He will succour and comfort you. He loves you and your husband so much, He sent His only begotten Son to this earth to tell you of His love. You are not alone as an orphan, dear Donna, He is by you even now.

Jul 23, 2011
You Will Survive
by: Patricia From Las Vegas

I understand your pain and sorrow at the 1st year mark. I just passed mine with Billy on 6/21 ~ I thought I was going to die, plain and simple. But after talking with Billy's daughter I found the leading up to the 1 year mark was more devastating and once past it I wasn't as bad as I thought. She hard day was Father's day. Though I missed him so much I survived and so will you. The 1st are hard I know, my next 1st is our anniversary on 9/5 ~ it would have been 11 years. We found each other later in our lives and I so grateful we did and the time spent together. You do what you need to do, your daughter is correct. No one can tell you how or what... When its right you'll know it...
Keep coming to this site. Even if you don't post there's always someone you can relate to or find out there going through the same thing. The road we travel is hard and filled with pitfalls and bumps ~ but were here for you ~
Always,
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year

Jul 23, 2011
8 Month and Stuck
by: Anonymous

Donna~It's almost 8 months for me. I know exactly how you feel. I haven't posted for a few months. There is really nothing to tell. I feel like I'm stuck ~ just existing. Nothing makes me happy. I've had a lot of family drama to deal with plus the death of three relatives. One funeral was in the exact room my husband's was in. That was almost impossible. I stayed at the wake for 15 minutes, that's all I was able to endure.

I too want to see a psychic. I'm having a problem finding a credible one. I honestly believe there are good ones out there who are able to get through to the spirits of our loved ones. I attended the griefshare meetings and highly recommend them. I almost didn't go back after the first meeting. The lady to my right sat and cried the entire time which got me crying hysterically. I felt so depressed the next day. I'm glad I did go back because it really helped me. I feel like I'm back sliding after the meetings were over so I'm going to attend them again in the fall.

Take care Donna. This is just so hard. Everyone seems to move on but the spouse. The evenings are so lonely. I have at least one day each week when all I want to do is sit and cry.

We'll get through this. We are all sisters in grief.

PJ

Jul 23, 2011
One year today for me
by: M Mack

Donna,

I'm with you on this 1 yr day. I don't know why but I torture myself going over and over the events of today. It makes me weary, going in circles of pain and sadness. All I want to do is crawl in a whole, and not come out until I see a reason to. Yes I should go to grief counseling as you but I do the same, make excuses to not show up. I did the psychic thing, it helped however, there is always a line I don't want to cross. I believe in some of it, but also very careful not to go overboard. All I know is that it has awakened a spiritual side of me and I know my love is around me. Some signs can be a coincidence, others are too good to be true. As for dealing with the pain of grief, I just do it. I cry if I need to, wipe my face and move along. This is all so hard on us survivors- we are meant to hang on to life and make the best of it without them. Do whatever you think might give you a little insite into what you need to feel better. My prayers are with you and sending a cyber hug!

Jul 23, 2011
My heart is with you
by: Brigitte

I feel your pain as my husband died 5 months ago. It just seems that life should stop but it doesn't and somehow we keep going and like you said, one step at the time, one day at the time. I came to realise that nobody can take away the pain, it is something we have to deal with on our own and it is so lonely. Take care of yourself. xx

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