Only solace: how many people loved you!
My sister was born 7 years into my parent's marriage and, was she spoiled! She lived a happy, protected and exciting childhood until she was 19 and met the wrong guy. She had such a difficult life that I, her younger sibling, always felt compelled to protect her. She was my best friend, my confidant and accomplice, my travel partner. No day passed that we didn't talk. We lived only 15 minutes away from each other.
She had poor health lately and COPD had greatly restricted her scope of activity. When we lost our mother in April we decided it was the time to go on a trip with all our daughters and some friends (with part of the inheritance money). We went on a cruise in the Mediterranean Sea for two weeks in June and I had never seen her so happy in such a long, long time. It is the most beautiful memory!
Her health suffered some setbacks afterwards but she came back strong and positive.
Late Sept. she was hospitalized with a severe pain and it took them a week to discover she had a punctured bowel. By then she had peritonitis and sepsis. She lived the hardest 5 weeks in all our lives, struggling to make it, which made us believe she would. We were all constantly by her side on the daily visits to intensive care. She told me she was scared... so was I!
On Oct.30 she had to let go... no body could resist such battering. She died alone because they wouldn't let us enter intensive care off-hours as we previously had. This pained me most because she was very scared of dying alone. It multiplies my already unbearable grief.
It has been more than six weeks and the pain lingers. I don't want to let go... I think of her all the time, cry often and bedtime has become a torture. I open her FB account and linger at her photos. I know she's gone but I don't do anything to aid the greiving. I have a mixture of sadness and anger and miss her so much. The only solace: WOW! how many people loved her and miss her .