Only solace: how many people loved you!

by Olga
(Puerto Rico)

My sister was born 7 years into my parent's marriage and, was she spoiled! She lived a happy, protected and exciting childhood until she was 19 and met the wrong guy. She had such a difficult life that I, her younger sibling, always felt compelled to protect her. She was my best friend, my confidant and accomplice, my travel partner. No day passed that we didn't talk. We lived only 15 minutes away from each other.
She had poor health lately and COPD had greatly restricted her scope of activity. When we lost our mother in April we decided it was the time to go on a trip with all our daughters and some friends (with part of the inheritance money). We went on a cruise in the Mediterranean Sea for two weeks in June and I had never seen her so happy in such a long, long time. It is the most beautiful memory!
Her health suffered some setbacks afterwards but she came back strong and positive.
Late Sept. she was hospitalized with a severe pain and it took them a week to discover she had a punctured bowel. By then she had peritonitis and sepsis. She lived the hardest 5 weeks in all our lives, struggling to make it, which made us believe she would. We were all constantly by her side on the daily visits to intensive care. She told me she was scared... so was I!
On Oct.30 she had to let go... no body could resist such battering. She died alone because they wouldn't let us enter intensive care off-hours as we previously had. This pained me most because she was very scared of dying alone. It multiplies my already unbearable grief.
It has been more than six weeks and the pain lingers. I don't want to let go... I think of her all the time, cry often and bedtime has become a torture. I open her FB account and linger at her photos. I know she's gone but I don't do anything to aid the greiving. I have a mixture of sadness and anger and miss her so much. The only solace: WOW! how many people loved her and miss her .

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Dec 16, 2012
by: Olga

Both of you were very kind to take some time to comfort me. I was with my niece today as she was having a hard day. I told her about the blog and hope she will join. It is so healing to be able to talk about your pain and others sharing with you their own experiences. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I hope you will be able to deal with your pain.

Dec 15, 2012
Only solace: how many people loved you!
by: Doreen U.K.

Olga I am sorry for your loss of your sister. I am sorry for the pain you are in because you did not get to be with your sister at her time of death. This is sad and will intensify your grief. Knowing she was scared of dying on her own. My husand died 7 months ago and he was scared of dying. I made sure he was not on his own. I gave him FULL care for over 3yrs. The hospice wanted my husband to go in to die there. I refused and he managed to wake up and say NO. I want to stay home. He died at home with everyone around him. If he died alone I would have felt the same PAIN you are feeling now. My husband was sleeping all the time and may not have known at the last hours that anyone was with him. All you can do is HOPE that your sister would have not been aware of you not being with her. If she was very ill in her last hours she may have welcomed not having people around her. I know that some people feel this way. Don't feel the sorrow of this. I am sure God would have comforted her and been with her at her time of Death when God would have received her. Comfort yourself with this belief that she was not ALONE. My mother was alone. No one was with her. But she did convey days before that she saw angels around her. We don't know how God is going to recieve us when we die. But we can be assured WE ARE NEVER ALONE. May God comfort you in your intense Grief and give you HOPE and Peace in your PAIN. I am so HAPPY that you got to go on this CRUISE and you all had a GOOD TIME. Hold onto this MEMORY forever.

Dec 15, 2012
I lost my husband on oct 30th also
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel i feel the same i shared 31 years with my husband he had lung cancer that spread to his brain he lived 5 months after dx i was his sole caregiver the loss is overwhelming at times

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