Our Anniversary

by Yvonne
(California)

Today is our anniversary. My first without him. I am so lost. Roger always gave me something to look forward to. He showed me a world I would never have known. He took this backwards girl and made her believe she was worth something. Now my rock is gone and I don't know which way to turn. My life is over. I go through the motions but nothing will ever be the same. He would have planned a great day for today. Now I sit home alone. I took the day off work because I knew I would be of no use to anyone. The loneliness is so great. No friends to call. I have none. He was my only friend. When he died he took my everything. I miss him so much. The pain, the loneliness, it is so unbearable. We were supposed to grow old together. Now I am so alone. I miss him so much!

Comments for Our Anniversary

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Mar 12, 2011
The first year of grief sucks (and the 2nd is no picnic either)
by:

Yvonne,

I am very fortunate that I have an understanding Boss. I had only worked for her 3 months before my Love died. It has been 15 months for me and I look forward to the day when I stop counting how many months it has been.

The first year is so many firsts alone and it is completely devastating. I am now on my 2nd spring without my love and it is just starting to get a little easier. Oh I will always miss him but lately I do have more good days than bad and for that I am grateful.

I just saw a man at Target that so reminded me of Paul. From an isle away with no glasses he had his shape his haircut and the clothes that he might have worn. I had to force myself from gawking, it was not like seeing a ghost but, really did stop me in my tracks. If the man wouldn't have thought me crazy I would have thrown my arms around him and pretended it was him if only a moment. Having no arrest record I decided to let him go on his merry way and I left him alone. It was startling though and reminds me just how much I really miss him regardless of how much time has passed.

All I can tell you is it does get easier with time. It will never disappear but you will be able to face and do things that seemed impossible at one point. My best to you in your journey of grief...
HH

Mar 12, 2011
so sorry
by: Jackie

Hi Yvonne, I'm so sorry for you. The first anniversary has to be the worst. Mine is in July. The loss of our husbands is the only thing that we think about. I think of my husband every minute of every day. Please try to do something nice for yourself. Do your best to make it through the day. My best wishes to you. Take care.

Mar 12, 2011
A Special Day
by: Patti

I'm not looking forward to our anniversary. My husband wasn't the most romantic guy going but birthdays, anniversaries, valentines day, all very special to us both.

The loneliness is overwhelming. I ache to feel my husband's arm around me just one more time.
I don't blame you for taking the day off. Most people just don't understand what we go through. Everyone says we should stay busy.....do what we can to take our mind off things. I think it's good for us to just take time for ourselves and feel the emotions. Time and God have a way of healing us. When we're ready to move forward we will. Keep the faith.
God bless and "Happy Anniversary."
PJ

Mar 12, 2011
Anniversaries are the pits
by: Judy

Yvonne,

The first of any special day is always the pits. Your anniversary has come along very soon after your loss and that makes it even tougher since you are still reeling from your loss.

Barry has been gone 16 months now and I've gone through all the special days at least once. At first I cried my eyes out on that day. I took one day off work thinking I'd be a mess and I was numb that whole day, emotionally rigid against the emotional pain I was expecting. I didn't get to skip that pain, grief isn't like that, it just stuck around in my psyche until a later date. The best anniversary (his birthday-always a big fuss for him) I spent unconscious having a medical procedure-it was over before I realized it!

What I'm trying to say is that you will survive these things but whatever your grief is telling you to do, do that. Stay at home with the covers over your head or not, as you feel. You just have to ride out whatever emotion you're feeling.
You just have to do whatever makes the day better for you. No one else is experiencing this anniversary, just you. Collectively here we have gone through a zillon anniversaries, no two feeling exactly the same. So let your feelings roll over you whatever they are.

Here is a hug from Florida for your anniversary.

JM

Mar 11, 2011
"Our Anniversary"
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry. I really hear the sadness and lonesomeness in your post. Twenty-five days after my husband died was our 30th anniversary. That was just this past October. I reserved the last of the 4 sedatives my doctor gave me to get through the services and to get a good night's sleep, for that first anniversary without him. I knew I would need it, and want it, for that day. I did go to work, because normal was how I needed to be feeling then. It was still so soon after he died, that I'm sure I was still in shock and feeling numb. I still feel numb, and I wonder how the next anniversary will find me.

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