Our dog Chilli

by John

My wife of 44 years died of lung cancer on 6 August 2014. In the end it was much quicker than the doctors anticipated. But she couldn't breathe and was struggling to stay alive. In that sense I'm pleased she is now free. I missed her death by 10 minutes as I had to leave the hospital to hand our dog over to a friend but my daughter was with her all along. I'm sorry about that but I was with her for 7 hours just before the end. It's hard now I'm alone but our dog is a comfort and she has had more walks in the past couple of weeks than in months. As I write this she is asleep besides the bed something that wasn't allowed when my wife was alive.

Comments for Our dog Chilli

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Aug 25, 2014
by: Lawrence

Hi John,
I can only echo what our wonderful Doreen always says.
Life will never ever be the same again and sooner or later, like we all do, you will accept she has gone.
As I said in my last comment I am still heartbroken and miss her incredibly, but keeping busy and that’s the secret John, get out of the house, do anything to take your mind off your horrendous loss
Your grief will pass, everything does in time.

Aug 25, 2014
Thank you
by: John

Thank you Doreen and Lawrence for your kind thoughts. I still find it difficult to accept my wife's loss and her presence is real in the house. Its already helped me to react sensibly to a couple of things when my instincts were to take a very different approach! I have lots of things lined up to do but thinking ahead is depressing and hard to take in. John

Aug 24, 2014
sympathy and hope.
by: Lawrence

Hi John,
My deepest sympathy at the loss of your precious wife,, only just three weeks ago.
The pain and anguish you are suffering must be horrendous.
It is such early days and you really must allow yours self to weep and wail at the world, it’s what we all, on this web site, did after losing a beloved partner.
Everybody reacts to intense grief differently; truthfully I didn't want to stay alone after being with my lovely wife for nearly seventy years, but after reading a few contributions to “THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE” I realized I had to overcome the lethargy and take the first faltering steps towards trying to live this terrible lonely life
I decided I had to get out of the house and not stay in and mourn.
My first venture outside was to go to the local library and read the newspapers; it was there I saw a notice that the local bridge club wanted beginners, so I joined.
Let me tell you it was incredibly difficult to learn, but I can now play with very experienced players.
I have taken my violin out of its case after seventy years and now have weekly lessons.
I gave it up after playing for eight years when I saw this beautiful fourteen year old girl at our local youth club and decided I would rather hold her than the violin anytime, it was the best decision I ever made because the next seventy years were pure bliss.
After she died I took it out of its case, dusted it down and found a teacher and now I play very well, unfortunately there is no one to hear me. ,but the two hours practice every evening helps to overcome my sadness at being alone.
I am a writer and written about forty-five novels and short stories.
I suffered terrible writers block after my lovely wife died, but slowly I started writing again and now the ideas just pour out of me, especially the MAGIC series I write for my grandchildren.
What I am trying to say, John is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, it will still be there, empty and cold when you return in the evening.
It is now nearly twenty months since I lost the only girl I ever loved and the sadness and heartache remains and I guess always will, but now I can smile a little and smell the roses and feel the sunshine, the black clouds have opened slightly.
Give yourself time, the grief road is very long but it does have an end, it has to otherwise I couldn't write this comment to you.
From one grieving widower to you John
My deepest sympathy

Aug 24, 2014
Our dog Chilli
by: Doreen UK

John I am sorry for your loss of your wife of 44yrs to lung cancer. I am glad that you are not feeling guilty for missing those last 10 minutes before your wife died. Knowing your daughter was with her. You got those 7hours with her, and many memories to embrace. I know that women have a sense of order and pets have their place, but you will find comfort in having your dog so close at this time. Take one day at a time and you will get through your grief better. Life will get better in time. But the grief journey is a long and painful one with slow healing. But in recovery you do get some good times, and reflective memories.
I also lost my spouse. My husband of 44yrs. died 2yrs.3 months ago to Lung cancer called MESOTHELIOMA. He worked with asbestos in the workplace and his cancer took 40yrs. to develop and was inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died. He suffered great cancer pain from this chemical type of cancer and he is at peace now. What hard difficult days of this cancer journey I still grieve over. Life is LONELY. Difficult to restructure one's life when one is in retirement.
I still can only take one day at a time. If you are able to soak up much of that Australian sunshine it is going to help you feel better. Getting out of the house and meeting people will help you in your recovery. But it will take time. Just honour the way you feel now. I have a strong belief in God and this gets me through each day. I hope you find Peace and comfort in the days ahead and the Hope that you can go on in life and embrace the days ahead with strength knowing that you have others who are going through it with you and who understand. Come back as often as you need to on this site for support.

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