Our Love Interrupted
So I have come to a fork in the road, in my life, right here, right now.
Tired of everyone telling me I should be over it by now, and that I
need some sort of electroshock therapy to restart my life, because
it seems obvious that I can’t go on like this without destroying any more relationships.
So this is for you Daisy. I don’t know how to tell you, not that I even could, anymore.
I tried to celebrate your life. Why does it scare so many people, when all I want to do is remember you? Told I spent too much on your funeral, told I didn’t have to spend so much on the headstone. Why couldn't people just leave me alone with my grief? All I wanted was peace knowing
I really tried to save you. Why didn’t the treatments work? I promised you that I would try,
even if debilitated me. Every step of the way, it was the worst possible scenario. You wanted
family there, until I know there was no quality of life left. I searched for a cure, countless hours,
when I should have been a better husband to you. All along. You left me with the secret, I must now hold, for the rest of my life. It hurts. Badly. I wish I could have the day back before your diagnosis. We had our whole lives ahead of us. God knows how I Loved you, more than life itself. Daisy, I am now lost without you. You were right. All along. I know I have no other choice
now, but to t-r-y to live my life, the way I told you, when you got furious with me. Furious that you were the one who got the death sentence, and not me. When I SO deserved it. Now is too late. Too late to worry about not achieving the goals I had for us. I wanted the best for you.
I don’t think you really knew how much I Loved you! Maybe God does hear me. I talk to you often. I remember your smile, your beauty, and feel so guilty now, that I really can’t bring up your memory, without scaring people. Everyone has seemed to move on. So why can’t I ?
They say I should not feel guilty, but why do I still do? I promised to you about our daughter. I hope you have seen, in your Heaven, that I made good on that promise. I don’t know if she fully understands. I know she is sad. I will always be there for her. I am battling depression. And complicated grief. I failed with her counseling, but it was SO not helping me. I felt SO out of place. So now I am faced with living alone with my plans for us. I know I was not the best husband, but I Loved you with all my heart. The plans of walking with you, in our old ages, has been brutally cut out of the picture. So where do lonely hearts go? Why does society say we have to move on, when I know I am not ready. So I tried. I made the attempt to find someone, who might have made living the rest of my life without you, easier. No such luck ! Now I am as confused as ever, knowing it is not working. I don’t want to hurt her, but at the same time, I am hurting myself. I have seen the signs, all around me. I know you are not far. I want to believe we will be together again. I asked you to please wait for me. On the day of your MRI, when I knew
hope was vanishing. I am tired right now, so I have to stop writing. Please know you are in my heart. I hope you can hear my thoughts, and in some way cross over to let me know that you still Love me, it is all that I ask. Take care, my one and only true Love. God blessed me when I first looked at you, I knew you were my future. God Bless you my Love!