Our Secret Spot

by James Howard
(Calhoun, GA)

Teresa as a Child Hood Sweatheart

Teresa as a Child Hood Sweatheart

Teresa as a Child Hood Sweatheart
Teresa and I on our 1st true date

Click on each photo to enlarge.

As I have said, I lost my wife, of 39 years, in March of this year. When she left for the lord, I was so shocked, I just couldn’t cry, at the funeral or cemetery. About six months later, it was getting close to our anniversary; the tears just poured and haven’t stopped yet. Thankfully I have the people on this blog to help and also my Priest, Father Joe, at St. Clement’s Catholic Church.

After a day of crying, I talked with Ft. Joe. He suggested I maybe visit some place that Teresa and I enjoyed. I go to Fairmount a lot to see her mother and other family, so I thought I would take him up on this adventure. I rode up the mountain to a spot we always held dearly. The most marvelous thing happened on the way. It has been over 40 years since we found this place and time had covered it up with houses, etc. As I approached it a feeling came over me that I just cannot describe. It was the most joyous feeling I have ever felt. I came to smile and felt as if someone was holding me.

And to my right was the place. A small dirt road, back then to nowhere, now an entrance to a pasture. As I said earlier, Teresa and I were childhood sweethearts and well you know where teenage hormones lead you. We would go on a date and hurry back to our favorite spot.

I would give anything for those moments again. But the feeling that came over me today was so great and loving, that I believe, and will tell anyone until I die, IT WAS TERESA holding me. I have cried all afternoon, but they are tears of joy, because Teresa sits here with me and holds my hand.

I lost Teresa twice, once to MS and second to the outcome of the MS. I took care of her for ten years, the last 3 she was totally disabled. But I would marry her and do it all over again only if I could. To my dear Teresa….I LOVE YOU!!!

Again to all the wonderful people on this blog, I pray for you and your lost one. Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts and prayers. May God Bless.

James Howard

Comments for Our Secret Spot

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Nov 18, 2010
For HH
by: Mari

Hi HH. It was with interest that I read your post to James. I wanted to say that it is not unusual to sense the presence of the deceased loved one. In fact what happened to me was that I was painting a unit and my husband actually made his presence known. His name came to my mind strongly and then I felt a rush through my body and he was beside me. I could not see him but knew he was there watching me paint. I was not afraid but just kept on painting as he watched. It lasted about 10 minutes.

The grandkids and I smelled his cologne and ''grandpas'' chair was rocking by itself. I often feel his presence while driving or feel I am not alone here. My 12 yr old grandaughter saw an aura of some kind. I already taught the grandkids not to be afraid. She always says,''Grandpa is visiting from heaven again.''

I called the grief pastor and he said these are memories and not unusual. He hears these things from people all the time.

Of course with time these things have lessened. I am not into spirits and such things but knowing these are just memories helps. Mari

Nov 18, 2010
for James
by: Mari

Hi James. What you experienced on the mountain sounds to be a God thing. It brought you joy and a feeling of closeness to Teresa.

Teresa was a real blessing to you and believe me you were a blessing to her. The two of you had a marriage made in heaven.

You are special James, no doubt about it. You have such a capacity for love. Don't think that in your lonely hours God is not by your side. He is right there. And He will bring you comfort. Just ask and rest in the Lord.

There is nothing wrong with crying. I have done plenty of it myself. I get the feeling that within your tender heart is great strength to get through whatever you are facing.

And you know we are here for you. Take care and keep posting.

Nov 17, 2010
Our Secret Spot
by: Jules

Your story shows such depths of love, that will never leave you - thank you for sharing with us all.

My John and I had many favourite spots - and I intend to re-visit all of them.


Nov 13, 2010
I have often wondered...


Thank you so much for admitting that you felt Teresa's presence. Most (men) scoff at the illogic of such an occurrence. With that said I can now admit that I feel My Love Paul with me at times. As if he is here saying its o.k Please do not be sad, yet knowing that even if he stood in front of me nothing would console me. Being genetically 1/2 logic (Dad) and 1/2 emotion (Mom) I have often wondered what is wishful thinking and what is quantum physics that I do not understand either.

I wonder if we are looking for such signs in desperation or if it is only when we open up the possibility to our mind that it happens. These "gut feelings", this peace that somehow comforts us when we need it most. Some how prodding us to move on that everything will be o.k (eventually).

I will go so far to admit that when the broken door bell rings I think it's his presence and walk towards it and actually feel as if I am walking into him merging, with something that I don't understand but feel wrapped in peace and love.

Thank you so much for speaking from the heart we so need and enjoy it.

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