Our son Jaie

by Maryjo
(Springfield, Ohio, USA)

Our son Jaie was killed when he crashed his car on Mother's Day of this year. He was 27 years old. It's been nearly a month and I feel like there is a gray fog over me, nothing seems to matter much these days. I can't let myself go into a hole where I would like to go because we have another son who is almost 29. He has been a pillar of strength for my husband and I. His name is Beau, he did everything for us and yet he is grieving too because he and his brother were pretty close, had been good friends all their lives with little jealousy or competition.

Jaie was a licensed family therapist in our state. He received his Masters Degree in 2010, did his internship and was hired full time. He graduated with honors and was an Eagle Scout. He seemed to have a lot going for him. Many of his clients were former drug addicts, people who had served time, who had lost their families and jobs due to drugs.

He was very knowledgeable about drugs, he had to be because of his work. However, a couple of years ago he started taking Adderall, prescribed by a psychiatrist who Jaie convinced that he had ADHD. That was the beginning of the end but we, his family, had no clue until it was just too late and he had become a user.

His behavior had begun to change, he yelled at me at times which he had never ever done, he became paranoid and delusional during the last 6 months, he started distancing himself from his family, he started getting lots of traffic tickets, he finally lost his job. We learned that his boss and supervisor both had tried for some time to get Jaie into therapy but he never would go. They finally had to let him go because he was not doing his work and would not get help. I cannot fault them, they tried. Our oldest son and I both pleaded with him to stop when we finally realized what he was doing.

We had begun getting suspicious when we learned he was running out of pills. He wasn't receptive at all to our attempts to get him to quit, he got angry and quit talking to us.

On Mother's Day a policeman tried to pull him over but Jaie took off and turned down the wrong way on a one way street. He lost control of his car and crashed. He died immediately and his car was totally gone. The only good thing is he that he didn't suffer, he never knew what hit him. No one else was killed. We believe if he hadn't been on the drugs he never would have behaved so irrationally. And we know that he had his prescription filled on April 29, 60 pills for 2 months, and by May 11 he had gone through half the pills. He also consumed large amounts of caffeine, he had lost a lot of weight and went days without sleeping.

I feel like we should have known, should have been able to stop him but honestly we never ever suspected him. We just thought he drank a lot of energy drinks. We trusted him and believed him. It is still hard to say he was an addict but he was.

Our lives will never be the same. I'm sure I will be happy again one day, I have to stay strong for our other son and my husband but right now life is just so hard and sad. I can't believe yet that I will never see him again.

Comments for Our son Jaie

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Jun 29, 2014
by: Deana

We lost our only son at the end of September 2013. This first year is a long hard walk. Our son crashed into some trees and was also gone instantly. His name was Joshua. He would have turned 24 this last March . I can't believe we are here in the world without him. At least we are without him as we knew and treasured him, as our beloved son. I know his spirit lives on, but our hearts are also forever broken. I hope you have had some love and care find you on this harsh road. Thank you for sharing your story for others to read.we think of our son many times every day, and I know there are many more tears that will keep flowing. I hope you have felt Jaie's spirit and love surround you as he has passed on. I hope the same for my husband and Josh's loved ones too...for me too.

Jun 13, 2014
our son
by: Anonymous

thank you to you who have offered sympathy and condolences for the loss of our son Jaie. There is nothing to compare with what we are going through and there is little anyone can say to help. However, just not feeling so alone has helped me.
Thank you

Jun 12, 2014
thank you
by: Maryjo

I want to thank you who have responded. It is small consolation but I believe all of us who have lost adult children feel some comfort in knowing we are not alone. It has helped me, only those who have can understand what pain and feelings of desolation and total loss. It is horrible, if I could just hug my son one more time. Sudden death has to be the worst, there is no warning, nothing to soften the blow, your life changes for ever in an instant and you are left with the worst feeling in the world.

Jun 11, 2014
our loses
by: Maryjo

Thank you for all who have sent me messages, they mean a lot. I don't feel so alone and that is how I have felt. I want to hide, don't want anyone to know, want a year to pass in hopes that the pain will not be so sharp. I am also beginning to fret, now that life has dealt this horrid tragedy. What can be worse? What is next? I have to stay strong for our other son, I know that. I would never want him to feel that since his brother died he is not important, that we can forget about him. He is devastated also, they were close in age and close together.

I appreciate so much everyone of you and my prayers are with you in your loss as well. We never expected to bury our children, this is just backwards and nothing anyone can prepare for.


Jun 09, 2014
mothers' feelings
by: Joe's mom

It has been a short time since you lost your son and for me, it has been 11 months. I feel the same as you in many ways, my son was 33 and has a brother 2 years older. Like you, it is STILL hard to believe he is gone and I miss him every day. I yearn for the time I can find joy again and struggle when I know I am expected to be happy at a joyous occasion, since I still want my son back. I know in my mind that cannot be, but my heart still longs for my child. I can tell you it is less of a searing pain as it was when the numbness wore off, but I now doubt that longing will ever be gone, only that I will one day learn to accept the feeling better than I do today. I found a grief counselor and that helped somewhat. Reading these posts often remind me that others feel as I do and I am normal. I wish you and your family peace and remember to be easy on yourself, treat yourself well for you and your family need time to heal. Hope Joe and Jaie are smiling together in a better place.

Jun 08, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

Your last words ... I can't believe I will never see him again....ring true to me a yr and 7 months later for my son!
He mixed alcohol with cocaine and it stopped his heart. A night out with friends ended his. How do we accept these horrible endings! I do not know. We struggle through the nightmare and reach out here where others know and God,under it all,carries us onward. My heart is with you in your loss.

Jun 07, 2014
our son Jaie
by: Sue

My dearest Maryjo, my own grief is painful and my journey is hard your families journey is so so hard.I am 22 months into my grief and in the early days (still early days)I thought I would never cope but you do!!! life is a mystery how we open our eyes each day is a complete mystery, ask god for help dont make it complicated tell him how you feel and put all your trust in him, tell him when your black and darkest days consume your every breath he will listen to you.I have a very strong faith but it has been put to the test,I am sure you must feel you are being tested to the limit,dont give up my friend it is a hard journey.Take all the time you need to heal emotionally moving on wont take a day it takes a lot of little steps to break free of your broken self. God Bless.

Jun 07, 2014
I know your pain well.
by: Jacquie Stanley

First of all my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your precious son! I know your pain as I lost my 28 yr old son to addiction on May 1st 2014 just shy of 6 weeks ago. My heart breaks that your son passed on Mother's day of all days! Not that any day would be O.K. Like you, my heart and actually my entire body feels unnaturally heavy. I also move around in a fog which I feel is protective because every time I try to move out of the fog the pain is just too much to bear. How can a mother ever reconcile to never seeing her son again...at least as long as she lives. I honestly am happy he is no longer struggling from such a horrific disease that robs good people of their very lives. That fact however does not fill the longing I have to see his face and touch him once again. I want so badly to connect with him I ache. If you would like to hear his story he is posted under theirspace- Ryan Micheal Stanley 28. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your horrible grief. No mother should ever lose a child, esp to something so senseless. I sincerely hope that both of us and all suffering mothers out there are able to reach some form of peace and move on with their lives as I am sure that is what our children would want for us. I try so hard to cling to that thought. God be with you administer to yours needs at this time and only He can do and bless the soul of your son in heaven.

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