Our Son Jason's 37th birthday.
Our Son Jason died 9.5 years ago and the grief never ends.
I have had a lot of tragedy and misfortune in my life, but the loss of a child we all know is beyond comprehension.
I think about him still almost every hour. Tomorrow is our
41st anniversary and should be a joyous time, but is always
overwhelmed by our Sons birthday. We too got the infamous call at 3:00am Oct 14th 2003 and at that moment I knew my life was over too. I wish I was stronger and people say Jason wouldn't want you to be depressed and I say Jason wouldn't want to be dead. I admire a lot of people that have the guts to go on with their lives and be happy.
I don't think I deserve to be happy and so I wallow in grief and self pity. I work with the poor and homeless and this has kept me alive. We have another son that is a good kid but is floundering and this breaks my heart all the more. I am 65 and in great physical condition, but in very poor mental and spiritual shape. Thanks for your time.
Hope this didn't depress you, but I don't want to die and I don't want to live. I'm about to erase this, but won't